When’s the right time to have another baby?

When’s the right time to have another baby?
There is no definite answer. Well that was easy. Post over.
No jesting aside this is question that I think I talk about several times a week! I have never come up with the right answer, just something that is right for my hubby and I. Our gremlin has just hit 18 months. My work colleague winked at me and said she was already pregnant with her second at this time and one of my antenatal group is too, with others trying I’m sure.
I can see why as well. The broodiness has started to sweep over me a little, like my little one tugging at my hair. There’s a little nag in the back of my mind. One of my other blogging friends Helen keeps posting amazing pics and bump updates and I’m a teeny bit jealous.Having little ones close in age would be nice for closeness in the future I can imagine.

There is another reason I am hearing lots and lots too, “we just want to get the hard bit over”. This one I’m not sure I agree with. It is flipping hard of course but I can’t say I want another quickly for that reason. And whenever you do it, it’s going to be hard!! I really admire mums who have two little ones in close age but I have to say it’s not for me.

 My little monster is at such a lovely age at the moment. She’s funny, naughty and her speaking is fantastic. I’m enjoying chatting to her, spending time with her…just her. Reading, jigsaws, drawing, soft play, hide and seek, you name it. I don’t want her to have to share me just yet. She’s starting to get a bit more independent; feeding herself and we are thinking of getting the potty down soon. I want that all done and dusted before baby no 2 appears. Having nappies x 2 or lots of accidents at the same time? I don’t think so. Someone said to me once it’s so much easier when they can climb out of the car by themselves too, whilst you are lifting in another. My gremlin is also in a bit of a funk with her sleeping at the moment too and throwing another into the mix now; I’d be a wreck!

I don’t think the worry of sibling rivalry is bothering me too much. You could have this with any age gap. I told my Dad quite clearly at 3 years old to send my poor brother back. Some good imagery there eh? I just know if I placed a baby sibling in front of my gremlin right now there would be some fun. She already starts to misbehave if I’m on the phone, yells if I’m cuddling her Daddy or another baby, so I think a little while longer may help. I’m hoping the older she is, the more involved she can be. She’s already my little helper when it comes to cleaning so I’ve got fingers crossed that bathing, changing and dressing a new baby she can help with. I think a lot of people tend to do what happened in their family. There’s 3 years between my brother and me and 4 years with hubby and his brother.

 Rather selfishly too I don’t want to put my body through that again just yet. Last time I was pregnant I had a knee injury and had resigned myself to the fact that I couldn’t do too much. Now I’m really back into my exercise and having to slow right down again would be really hard! I’m getting my fitness back and muscle strength in my leg and not ready to stop just yet.
So I’m going to wait a while longer and aim for a 3 year plus age gap. I’m enjoying life with the family at the moment. The routine, time we get with her and alone works for hubby and I. It took me a couple of months to settle down at work and I’m now really enjoying it! I need a bit more time to sink my teeth in before disappearing again. Plus I think my work colleague would lynch me if I announced my impending maternity leave right now.  🙂

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37 Comments

  1. March 17, 2015 / 7:06 am

    A question in finding myself faced with too having an almost-15 month old and I agree with everything you said. I know I'm just not ready for number 2 yet, I'm quite happy to get A sorted and out of nappies before even considering it! Everyone says they'll get on better with a closer age gap but my cousins are 10 years apart and closer than any others I know! (not that I'll be waiting that long).. Kaye | helloarchie.blue

    #TwinklyTuesday

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 8:10 am

      You are right! I think a closer age gap could work but there are so many more cons lol!!! X

  2. March 17, 2015 / 7:20 am

    There seem to be pros and cons to both a big and small age gap so I think all anyone can do is what feels right for them and of course what nature/science/our bodies allow as not everyone can get pregnant easily. We would have had a small gap of just under 2 years but sadly things weren't meant to be, so for now, like you I am just enjoying my little one in his toddler stage and seeing what the future holds. That's a good point about nappies and getting out of the car though! #twinklytuesdays

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 8:12 am

      That's both a shame and nice for you but your right so nice to enjoy the time you have with the little one. It's a worry of mine that second time around it takes ages! I guess won't know until we get going again. Fingers crossed for us both! Thanks for comment xx

  3. March 17, 2015 / 9:07 am

    I am so there with you! I don't know why there is such pressure to knock them out one after the other. I agree – enjoy the one you have while you can, and don't be in a rush to knock out that second. I mean two toddlers? That's just scary in my book haha #twinklytuesday

    https://motherhoodtherealdeal.wordpress.com/

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      Aww thanks it's nice to hear. I know completely crazy! xx

  4. March 17, 2015 / 9:47 am

    Sorry hehe 🙂 shall I put you off a bit when she arrives about sleepless nights and crazy toddler antics too 😉 as you know I had so many thoughts the same as you and I'm hoping that this age gap will be ok, time will tell. I can't wait for you to have another little'un though 😀 xx

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      haha I'm lovely your bump pics. I'll just look at it all with rose tinted glasses I'm sure!! xx

  5. March 17, 2015 / 3:23 pm

    I have friends who have a 15 month age gap and their second was twins……crazy lady. There will be 2.5 years between my 2 when #2 arrives, you just kind of know when is right for you I think!x

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:33 pm

      oooh that it crazy but you never know eh? 2.5 isn't too bad I think. Just 2 under 2? I'd be too scared! x

  6. March 17, 2015 / 3:37 pm

    Good for you! Any age gap works, at the end of the day!! There is 9 and a half years between my little sister and me — and we have a fabulous relationship!! X Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday x

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:33 pm

      Oh wow that is a good gap but glad you have such a good relationship with her. No worries thanks for hosting!! xx

  7. March 17, 2015 / 3:37 pm

    I have also been pondering another baby. I fall squarely in the "get the hard part over" camp. The sooner we have one, the sooner they will all be out of the toddler stage and act more like respectable humans! LOL I also get not wanting to have 2 in diapers and not feeling quite ready to make the older child share their mom! Such a hard decision!

    #thetruthabout

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:34 pm

      It's so hard! I still think you do what your parents did sometimes hence me waiting!! But you are right it's so different for us all.Thanks for the comment x

  8. March 17, 2015 / 6:45 pm

    Your opener made me laugh. Maybe I should start and finish all my posts like that. Think how much more content I'd have time to put on my blog!

    #thetruthabout

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 7:34 pm

      hehe thanks!! Glad I gave you a giggle xx

  9. March 17, 2015 / 7:57 pm

    I think if you've got the time and the choice – definitely do what's right for your family and don't feel pressured by what other people are doing. You know from experience exactly what a three year age gap is like. My two are just shy of three years apart and there's no way I could have had them any closer I don't think. Hats off to those that have them say, 16 months apart like my sister did!! One of the reasons for us was financial – having those free pre-school hours kick in right before nursery fees came into play for bub 2 really helped. Also, I'm older – as it was I was 41 when I had No.2 and I wouldn't have wanted to be much older!! Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout Xx

    • mm March 17, 2015 / 8:25 pm

      Thanks Samantha! You sound exactly like me. I'm thinking of the 15 free hours as well. It must help. Thanks so much for hosting as usual! #thetruthabout xx

  10. March 17, 2015 / 8:40 pm

    Great post – the right time to have another is if and when it feels right for you. There are 25 months between my two which now feels like a good age gap but was hard work in the early months. Love the photos of your little gremlin and that one-to-one time is so precious – I do miss being able to have that focus on just one child sometimes.

    • mm March 18, 2015 / 2:59 pm

      Thanks Louise. YOu have to do what's right for sure. 25 months doesn't sound too bad but I bet it is tricky at first! Thanks for the comment x

  11. March 17, 2015 / 10:12 pm

    Completely agree that it's entirely a personal choice. Our three are each about two years apart which ha worked out well for us in terms of the fact they get on remarkably well together and do a lot of things as twos or threes, but at the same time it's meant that we've had several years of full on high-maintenance parenting which has taken a physical toll as much as anything. We wouldn't have had it any other way – but other people think we're mad. Each to their own, I say. It's not like there's a guaranteed formula for when the 'right' time is, is there?

    • mm March 18, 2015 / 3:00 pm

      That is hard work but I'm sure totally worth it! I don't think there is a right time at all. No guarantees it will even happen when you want, that can be a worry too. Very glad yours get on so well though!! x

  12. March 18, 2015 / 2:00 pm

    Ah, it's no big deal having a small age gap. You could argue that they're at a lovely, enjoyable age at any age they're at. They're no less adorable at the age of 6 than they are at 18 months, and a second baby will always take the attention away from the elder child. There is an 18-month gap between my children. This happened because we knew we would have a second child, and I spent most of the 9 months of my first child's life wondering when we'd have the second. And then it just happened. It's been grand – a bit tricky at times, but I love our family dynamic. I'm now starting to get a life back and feel great. The boys play beautifully together and all is good. To repeat everyone else and sound like a total cliche, there never is a right time. An 18-month gap is not right for so many reasons, and neither is an 8-year gap. Whatever works works. A lot of families with small age gaps have it all, and so do those with many years between their children. You don't know until you do it. Good luck with whatever decision you make (o:

    #TheTruthAbout

    • mm March 18, 2015 / 3:01 pm

      Thanks so much for the lovely comment. Glad it happened for you and all working so well. Thanks for the luck too xx

  13. March 18, 2015 / 9:03 pm

    I completely understand the question. It´s such a personal thing… I am questioning myself when should be the right time too. Not only to my little one´s benefit (who is too attached to me, and acts the same as your little gremlin 😉 ), but for us a couple, we have to get some time to enjoy as a couple too, after all the ´happy mess´ that a baby causes! And we also have to pounder financial constraints… But I have to say that even with all that, I wouldn´t mind another pregnancy now… It´s the heart vs the mind thing…. 🙂
    #PoCoLo (FB)

    • mm March 19, 2015 / 7:53 pm

      There are so many things to consider! I love the term happy mess! I'm the same; heart says baby. Mind say noooooo x

  14. March 18, 2015 / 10:31 pm

    I don't think there's ever a right moment to have a child, let alone a second one. You just have to do it (with the right person). Having said that, mine are 17 months apart and bloody hard work. I would not recommend such a small age gap to anyone except if a) they have a very solid marriage/partnership, b) some kind of help at hand be it grandparents or paid help. I think you should be fine with a 2 years+ age difference although this age difference also has it pros and cons 🙂 (you must think my comment was useless!)

    • mm March 19, 2015 / 7:54 pm

      Wow 17 months is a small gap but I'm sure is manageable! Grandparents can be a godsend eh? No the comment wasn't useless! I like to hear what others do 🙂 xxx

  15. March 19, 2015 / 4:20 am

    We debated this a lot too and I think you're right that most of us do what happened in our family, there's about 2 1/2 yrs between me and my older bro and hubs and his older bro so that felt right for us. Love that you said that about your bro, there's 4 yrs diff between me and my younger bro and I once packed him a bag and told him to run away as no one wanted him lol! You've got t do what's right for you and be as ready as you ever are as I think pros and cons whatever the age gap. We are done at two tho I say that for certain! Xx

    • mm March 19, 2015 / 7:55 pm

      Definitely! haha your poor brother packing him a bag. It's true though the gap might not mean anything in terms of rivalry. I think we will be done at 2 as well. Unless a few years later I go all broody!!! x

  16. March 21, 2015 / 8:29 am

    I've got a 4 year and 10 year age gap and to be honest, wish I hadn't left it so long, my youngest will grow up without a playmate once he's a little older. It has been incredibly easy though as I always have an extra pair of hands!

  17. March 21, 2015 / 5:07 pm

    I'm not sure there is a perfect gap. My eldest is 8 then I have a 21 month gap between her and my second then a five year gap between him and the third and then just 14 months between 3 and 4 – it is what works best for you really. Every age can be a challenge and you find ways of dealing with any issues you encounter – having said that I would love to be an octopus lol #bigfatlinky

  18. March 21, 2015 / 9:42 pm

    Oh I wish we had a magical answer for this, I am currently wondering all of these things, along with the question… do I want baby number 2… my head hurts from all the thinking!

  19. March 22, 2015 / 7:48 pm

    Such a difficult decision isn't it? I had my second when my first was 23 months. For us, it was TOTALLY the right decision. My youngest is 10 months old now and it has been tough, I'm not going to deny it at all. But seeing the two of them together just makes all the difficulties so worthwhile. They are the best of friends, they adore each other and look out for each other. I never had a sibling that was close to me in age and I'm actually really envious of the relationship my two little ones have, they couldn't be happier together. I do appreciate it's not for everyone though and I'm sure you will know when you're ready for your next one, it's not a decision to rush into at all.x

  20. March 22, 2015 / 10:10 pm

    I think it is a very personal decision and one that no one can answer for you.
    I was born when my sister was 14 months and I can say that I would've been ready to have another by that stage. My toddler is 19 months now and I'd love to be pregnant again, but things are proving a little harder with the second one.
    I'd definitely say not to rush if you don't feel ready for it xx
    #bigfatlinky

  21. March 23, 2015 / 10:10 am

    Lovely post! Neither of my boys were planned but I love that they only have 2.5 years difference! They are close and act like friends but also old enough to enjoy their own space. That being said I don't think there's a perfect time or age gap. When a family is happy and loving then there will always be a close bond. A rushed scenario can sometimes put a lot of unnecessary pressure on everyone just go for when you're ready and it'll all fall into place. Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky

  22. March 25, 2015 / 2:08 pm

    I have two daughters aged 5 and 3 and at the moment I could never have another one right now. Neither of my girls were planned but I wouldn't change them for the world. They've made my life better. They only had 2 years and 3 months difference between them, its hard but so worth it! I would love to plan another one once my youngest is in full time school Sept 2016! #bigfatlinky