It’s “Just a Phase”

It’s “Just a Phase”

Parenting is just hard. It’s amazing but can be….just hard! You think you have cracked it but bottom line you will never have cracked it. Something else will be always slowly creeping in, ready to rock the boat and make you wonder what next? Will I ever sleep for more than 6 hours again?

People want to help you. Other parents want to help you. You want help, from anyone. That supportive comment from your Mum, that nice random person over Twitter or on forum. Someone else must be going through the same thing as you and you want to to know what to do.

Thing is, no one knows. No one actually knows why babies just randomly start waking in the night or only eat one food group but many people have been through the same things with their nippers and everyone has their own ideas and solutions. 

I’m the same. I’ve been a parent for all of 22 months and I know IT ALL. I see other friends/fellow bloggers struggling and I just have to comment and try to make suggestions of what the issue may be. I genuinely want to help but the comments I make are the same as everyone else makes; code for I HAVE NO FLIPPING IDEA REALLY!!

Can you relate? How many times have you had a little despair or moan to be greeted with:

  • It’s just a phase. Right a phase. Another lovely phase. But how long will this phase last? And what the heck do I do in the meantime?
  • It’s a growth spurt. Again? They must have a growth spurt every second Tuesday. I’m tired and my boob/bottle arm is killing.
  • Must be teething. Teething must be a constant process since they emerge from the womb until they are about 3. I must have heard this possibility a MILLION times.
  • They will grow out of being fussy eaters. This is all fine and dandy but what do I do with the bolognaise I lovingly prepared (the one she ate last week) and how on earth does one survive solely on peas?
  • Must be the terrible twos. My daughter is only 22 months. Why on earth is this starting early? What am I supposed to do with a child having a tantrum because I didn’t put her raisins in a pot?
  • It will be one of the wonder weeks. There is no darn wonder in my toddler waking every hour of the night for a week straight and I’m sure there is a different wonder week for every week of the year.
  • Pick your battles. Fair enough but tell me which battle to pick? I’ll nail her for smacking but shall I let her off not sleeping in her cot or not eating her dinner? What if she is still falling asleep in my bed at 18??? What if she is serving peas on toast for her wedding breakfast???
  • They pick everything up at this age. I KNOW! The poor thing has her 12th cold since starting nursery and I have never been this ill since my University days. Where are you immune system??
  • They must be tired. Really? You think? She hasn’t napped all day and was up at 5.30am. I’m exhausted too!

We all mean so well don’t we? The cliches. The possible solutions. We just want to fix the problem but really it’s like shovelling snow when it’s still snowing. This too will pass (another one there) but when and how? I’ll leave that one up to the toddler gods.

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58 Comments

  1. July 13, 2015 / 7:34 am

    Great post. My son has just turned two and we are well into the terrible twos and the "I only want toast" phase. I'm hoping they are al phases but sometimes I wish someone had the solution and not the "it's just a phase" comment. I have heard all of those phrases and chances are I have said them at least once to other people haha. #MummyMonday

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:28 pm

      Thanks lots!! xx

  2. July 13, 2015 / 7:44 am

    I have heard all of these apart from 'it must be a wonder week'…what is a wonder week??I know people try to be helpful and I say similar things but telling me it's just a phase just isn't any help at all sometimes!xx #MaternityMondays

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:29 pm

      It's like a week where there is some development…er I think it is a load of nonsense personally. They are just insane all the time xx

  3. July 13, 2015 / 9:41 am

    Haha – yep I've heard most of these already and my daughter is only 15 months old! 😐

    I must admit, I tell myself that things are 'just a phase' a lot, some days it's the only thing that gets me through the day! 😉

    #mummymonday

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:29 pm

      It does help sometimes though! hehe x

  4. July 13, 2015 / 11:30 am

    I was smiling as I read this because I just gave someone advice on about half of those things last week. I swear I just meant well but am now remembering how it felt when the shoe was on the other foot. Great post.

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:29 pm

      Thanks Rob! I just said it to someone too after writing this!! x

  5. July 13, 2015 / 12:07 pm

    Yep and yep! I like to share my experienced but am always reassured when I hear that people have had similar challenging experiences to us! I've only just downloaded the wonder weeks app, had no idea what they were when I had Alfie!

    #maternitymonday #mummymonday

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:30 pm

      I think the wonder weeks are a bit rubbishy! I just think we have no actual CLUE! haha x

  6. July 13, 2015 / 1:56 pm

    This is so true. When someone comments "Aww she must be teething" or "she could have a pain" etc he just answers, "No this is just who she is!" Sometimes we just want to know that they are going to be ok – so the growth spurt excuse works, no one admits their baby is just throwing a tantrum!

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:30 pm

      Such a good comment! Thanks Fiona x

  7. July 13, 2015 / 6:54 pm

    We reassure ourselves with all this stuff but often we never actually know. I used to tell myself it was teething (which it was often) or 'a phase' a lot. The thing is it is actually childhood. But with hindsight much of of is 'phases' its just it doesn't feel like that at the time because it is weeks or months at a time. I have to say the immune system thing really got me down too. #mummymonday

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

      The immune system thing was awful. I'm hoping now the first winter at nursery has past it will be better x

  8. July 13, 2015 / 7:45 pm

    We like answers, but sometimes the answer is that's just what toddlers do. There is no answer. Lovely post

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

      Thanks lovely x

  9. July 13, 2015 / 10:00 pm

    Fab post can I have heard, said and thought all of the above lol!! In the end they are children and they are strange creatures, haha, just like us 🙂 #maternitymondays xx

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

      So true 🙂 xx

  10. July 14, 2015 / 12:23 pm

    LOL … yeah, most of us are just muddling through, aren't we. I must say that i've found 'this too will pass' and 'it's just a phase' very helpful during those moments when it all just gets too much 🙂 #MaternityMondays

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

      I think it just reassures us when we are completely helpless haha x

  11. July 15, 2015 / 6:14 am

    Yup! Even now at three years old I still find myself saying 'It's just a phase' #bestandworst

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

      So I have a while longer? 🙂 x

  12. July 15, 2015 / 6:50 am

    Oh this is so true. Mine are three and 18 months and just when you think it's all nicely starting to click into place one of them (and sometimes both of them at the same time) will go and throw a spanner into the works. These kids certainly like to keep us on our toes!
    #bestandworst

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:32 pm

      They always change don't they?? xx

  13. July 15, 2015 / 12:06 pm

    Yes, this is so true! I suppose we all think 'who knows, probably best to just ignore it' doesn't sound like great advice! #bestandworst

    • mm July 15, 2015 / 12:32 pm

      It doesn't but often is the best advice!! x

  14. July 15, 2015 / 12:40 pm

    hahha this had me laughing Sarah. Such a good post! I remember ALL of these 'phases' they come and go so fast when they are little. Then the phases become few and far between as they get older. Hope you're well chick. xx

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:18 pm

      Thanks Tor and yes all well! Hope you are too x

  15. July 15, 2015 / 1:11 pm

    "Things will start to get easier soon." No they won't. There will just be another challenge. Another "phase"

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:18 pm

      haha that's what I have been told too!!

  16. July 15, 2015 / 2:48 pm

    So true hon, so true, none of us have a clue and tbh having a second child is a great reminder of that because what worked for your first won't for number 2, its like starting from scratch again some days! But we do all love to help, even when we know we get annoyed by receiving "help" sometimes! Great post hon, thanks for linking with #MaternityMondays

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:19 pm

      Thanks hon and I'll remember that. Thanks for hosting xx

  17. July 15, 2015 / 4:43 pm

    So true and while the advice is thing you've heard before, sometimes its enough just to know people care enough to bother answering your tweet 🙂 Thanks for hosting #bestandworst
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:26 pm

      Yep the twitter world can be so lovely and friendly at times. Thanks Debbie and my pleasure xx

  18. July 15, 2015 / 5:02 pm

    Oh dear. I'm guilty of most of these. Although, in my experience, it often *is* just a phase (whatever it is), but I know that's really not terribly helpful when you're smack in the middle of it. Also, that photo? Adorable. #bestandworst

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:28 pm

      aww thanks Alison. Yep I'm guilty to all of them and I'm the one moaning!! x

  19. July 15, 2015 / 7:31 pm

    There's an answer to everything but it's never a solution! I understand you frustration we are the owners of a baby and a toddler. Both with different niggles. I sometimes use each one of those excuses to explain to someone else why they're being a handful. I don't know why because I haven't got a clue sometimes! Really relatable read, made me chuckle x

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:28 pm

      That's great to hear! I wonder how the heck I'll cope with another one if it happens! x

  20. July 15, 2015 / 9:32 pm

    It's just a phase is simultaneously helpful (one day this will stop) and massively annoying (when? And that doesn't help me now). I've been thinking I've had an OK ride with the terrible twos and now I suddenly have a threenager and everything changes… again. I get the feeling this won't be stopping!

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:29 pm

      I think the next stage just gets harder and harder!! haha x

  21. July 15, 2015 / 9:38 pm

    It's so hard keeping up with them.i often wonder what will it be today great post 🙂

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:29 pm

      Thanks Nigel! x

  22. July 16, 2015 / 9:58 am

    Teething is the best answer for any issues!! If you don't know what's wrong, put it down to teeth. That's run out for me now though, as both mine have a full set! So I'll have to go back to 'just a phase'. When they get older, I expect it will be 'it's just hormones' – that was the answer for everything when I was a teenager!! I'm sure everyone means well when they say these things but it can be annoying! Becky x #bestandworst

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:31 pm

      haha it is one of the only answers when you don't have a clue! I reckon the hormone phase is going to be horrific! xx

  23. July 17, 2015 / 5:50 am

    I remember when my son was a baby and the go to phrase then was 'it must be wind' whenever he cried or brought up some milk. It actually turned out to be a cows milk allergy. Nobody saw that coming lol. Love your picture with your baby btw.

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      Aww no hope you managed to get that one sorted and thanks lots x

  24. July 17, 2015 / 6:26 am

    LOL! So true. I think it's human nature to try & help but sometimes it's better just to say. I'm sorry you're having a hard time and I'm here for you if you need help. Sometimes people are looking for practical support not platitudes. #effitfriday

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      That should be the thing we all say!! x

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      haha Thanks Debbie x

  25. July 17, 2015 / 12:36 pm

    I am so guilty of a) thinking all of the above b) offering this advice to all of the above and then c) getting pissed off when anybody tells me any of the above haha! #effitfriday x

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:32 pm

      It's hilarious isn't it? x

  26. July 17, 2015 / 1:45 pm

    hahaha Love it Sarah! Your totally right with this – everyone is unique, what works with one wont with the other and its a ruddy nightmare some days! I have noticed, this last year especially, that people are SOOOO good at giving opinions and advice, but not so good at helping you out. Why don't they say "who the heck cares why the baby hasn't slept…let me take them for a couple of hours and you have a shower and nap" or "Im sorry its crap, here have a little treat…dont know the answer but im thinking of you" ugh PEOPLE and their expert opinions….xx

    #bestandworst

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:33 pm

      Thanks Mary! It can be so annoying. Taking them and letting me have a sleep would be the best solution ever!! Thing is in years to come we will be those people I BET! x

  27. July 17, 2015 / 7:00 pm

    I think I have had all of these at least twice, especially 'it's a phase'!! Does my head in!!! #bestandworst xxx

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:34 pm

      I know…you want to scream!x

  28. July 18, 2015 / 1:18 pm

    Teething is to blame for everything don't you know?? Thanks for linking with #effitfriday x

    • mm July 27, 2015 / 7:34 pm

      haha I'm going to say I'm teething next time I'm in a mood x