I’m always loathed to write any posts that kind of have too much of a moany hint to them as it doesn’t always look good.
Also you will always upset someone or seem ungrateful. However, it’s not healthy to hide all your feelings, moany as they may sound and hence this post.
With baby number 2 on the way I and hubby recently were reflecting on how much has changed since having children. Obviously we love the gremlin to death and having her has been the best thing; especially as she is so loving and such good fun at the moment. I have felt pretty rubbish not being able to care for her last week when she was ill, as I had to work and I’ve missed her a lot.
Despite this, hormonal old me was pretty tearful on the last meal out hubby and I had together a few weeks ago. We had a lovely meal but hubby was snotty and tired and we knew once the meal was over we would be going back home; likely before 9.30pm. No cheeky drinks with the bump. I just felt ridiculously sad. Over alcohol? No. Just over how restrained I felt. Even if I wasn’t pregnant would I want more booze? Probably not. The hangover and the constant 6am wake ups are so not worth it. That freedom has gone. Alongside lay ins, catching up on Eastenders on Sunday afternoon and avoiding the kids’ disco on holidays.
I’m so unbelievably excited to have another little one. It’s going to be hard work but brilliant and I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong but sometimes there is just that little niggle. It is hard to talk to hubby properly until the gremlin is in bed and often then I want some “me time” too. Thank the Lordy we can often get a sitter at the drop of a hat, which is lucky if we need some time together.
It’s not time I miss though, I think it’s freedom. Just that freedom to be able to do exactly what I want, when I want. Selfish? Yes, it does sound like that a bit but you can’t feeling it and missing it now and then.
I often look on social media at friends and acquaintances disappearing on weekend breaks, staying up all hours partying or just bragging about a 12 hour stretch of sleep. I wonder if it’s a true reflection of what is going on. Are they craving deep down what I have; a lovely family but not much of a social life or are they happy with a life without children? The grass is never greener in either direction and I often wonder.
Do I miss the pre-kids me? Do I miss my pre-kids life with hubby? Hell and yes. Of course I do. Life is and will never be the same again. I’m still me of course. I’m so glad I haven’t lost myself on the journey that is motherhood. I’m also glad I’m happy to go out and leave my gremlin with family and not worry or feel guilty. Breaks and time away are part and parcel.
Sounds harsh but I think anyone who says they don’t miss some aspects of their pre-kids life is telling themselves some little white lies. Embrace it and feel it; I reckon it’s pretty normal.