Life Before Kids

I’m always loathed to write any posts that kind of have too much of a moany hint to them as it doesn’t always look good.

Also you will always upset someone or seem ungrateful. However, it’s not healthy to hide all your feelings, moany as they may sound and hence this post.

With baby number 2 on the way I and hubby recently were reflecting on how much has changed since having children. Obviously we love the gremlin to death and having her has been the best thing; especially as she is so loving and such good fun at the moment. I have felt pretty rubbish not being able to care for her last week when she was ill, as I had to work and I’ve missed her a lot.

Despite this, hormonal old me was pretty tearful on the last meal out hubby and I had together a few weeks ago. We had a lovely meal but hubby was snotty and tired and we knew once the meal was over we would be going back home; likely before 9.30pm. No cheeky drinks with the bump. I just felt ridiculously sad. Over alcohol? No. Just over how restrained I felt. Even if I wasn’t pregnant would I want more booze? Probably not. The hangover and the constant 6am wake ups are so not worth it. That freedom has gone. Alongside lay ins, catching up on Eastenders on Sunday afternoon and avoiding the kids’ disco on holidays.

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I’m so unbelievably excited to have another little one. It’s going to be hard work but brilliant and I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong but sometimes there is just that little niggle. It is hard to talk to hubby properly until the gremlin is in bed and often then I want some “me time” too. Thank the Lordy we can often get a sitter at the drop of a hat, which is lucky if we need some time together.

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It’s not time I miss though, I think it’s freedom. Just that freedom to be able to do exactly what I want, when I want. Selfish? Yes, it does sound like that a bit but you can’t feeling it and missing it now and then.

I often look on social media at friends and acquaintances disappearing on weekend breaks, staying up all hours partying or just bragging about a 12 hour stretch of sleep. I wonder if it’s a true reflection of what is going on. Are they craving deep down what I have; a lovely family but not much of a social life or are they happy with a life without children? The grass is never greener in either direction and I often wonder.

Do I miss the pre-kids me? Do I miss my pre-kids life with hubby? Hell and yes. Of course I do. Life is and will never be the same again. I’m still me of course. I’m so glad I haven’t lost myself on the journey that is motherhood. I’m also glad I’m happy to go out and leave my gremlin with family and not worry or feel guilty. Breaks and time away are part and parcel.

Sounds harsh but I think anyone who says they don’t miss some aspects of their pre-kids life is telling themselves some little white lies. Embrace it and feel it; I reckon it’s pretty normal.

My Kid Doesnt Poop Rainbows

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47 Comments

  1. May 23, 2016 / 7:33 am

    I think it’s totally normal to feel like this hun. Sometimes I just crave a few hours to myself to just “be” or I get frustrated when my (child free) friends try to arrange a swanky night out and invite me when it’s just so hard for us to get any child care and so I have to make my excuses. Even little things like family will say “come over – but we won’t be in until 4pm”. Sounds totally reasonable – but when you’ve got two small offspring that turn into feral beasts at 4pm every day and demand their exact routine of dinner, bath, bed, it just becomes a bit of a nightmare, and so hard to try and explain or justify to anyone that isn’t in a similar situation. That being said… I wouldn’t swap it for the world! πŸ™‚

    Dawn x
    #marvmondays

    • May 25, 2016 / 4:19 pm

      Back again through #bestandworst hun. Thank you for hosting πŸ™‚ xx

  2. May 23, 2016 / 8:20 am

    Totally know how you feel. Once you have kids everything becomes focused around them. Oh well better go to bed now as we’ll need to give her a bottle in a few hours. The lack of quality time together has got me down a bit too but know it’ll get easier one day! #marvmondays
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Protein Shake Anyone?My Profile

  3. May 23, 2016 / 8:54 am

    Glad someone felt it was OK to say it! I wouldn’t change my situation for the world but I miss the freedom too.

    Congratulations and good luck for number 2! Two is hard work but so much fun!

  4. May 23, 2016 / 9:41 am

    Oh I do hear what you’re saying. But you’re so right when you say that the grass isn’t greener. Having now gone through it and having older children I can only say that it does get easier in terms of freedom and you get to spend more time with your husband and you don’t have to take 4 hours to get ready with the toddlers to get out of the house just to go and get some milk – there’s a whole lot of rubbish that comes with having teens but we won’t speak about that now – just rest assured that a certain amount of freedom does eventually come back #MarvMondays
    justsayingmum recently posted…The Teenage Chronologues: Part Two β€˜Addicted’My Profile

  5. May 23, 2016 / 11:49 am

    You’re totally right and I think we all feel it. My sister in law has just gone away for her mum for a week and is planning on doing nothing but lie by the pool and read all week. I cant imagine the bliss of that anymore! No responsibilities. But things change and when the kids are older I will be able to do that again. I wouldn’t change having the kids for anything, evn if I am constantly exhausted and slightly jealous of the carefree days of beer gardens and festivals and travelling the world. Xx
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  6. May 23, 2016 / 1:55 pm

    I think it does us good to remember a bit of who we were before kids and make time for ourselves. We shouldn’t have to justify wanting to pee without an audience with “but I love them and wouldn’t change a thing.” Yet we always do! #fartgliter

  7. May 23, 2016 / 3:56 pm

    Ahh, the freedom! Didn’t really know I had it when I had it though (it’s true; you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone). Being a parent really is restricting, but worth it!
    #fartglitter

  8. Nige
    May 23, 2016 / 7:38 pm

    Love this I miss so many of things you have mentioned lay-ins and Sunday tv in particular #fartglitter

  9. May 23, 2016 / 10:23 pm

    SO normal to feel like that… but I can add some light.. ours are preteen and teen (and like you babysitting is quite easy) and although we still don’t party like we used too, we’ve ‘evolved’ too, and we can go and have nice meal out (with and without the kids) and we can have dinner parties at home and not have to worry about needing to dash off to wipe someones bum lol.. and we can have ours girls/boys nights and get a hangover (yup, they’ll come back) without worrying about being woken at 6am haha… we’ll all miss those times before kids a bit, its normal.. your not alone OR selfish, your perfectly normal! πŸ™‚ #fartglitter
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  10. May 23, 2016 / 10:47 pm

    I feel this quite alot of the time. I still find it difficult that we can’t just head out to the cinema or if on my own pop out to the supermarket in the evening but then these are the things we sacrifice I guess for the greatest gift of all (sorry, barf I know!). Lovely post hun #marvmondays
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  11. May 24, 2016 / 2:36 am

    There are loads of things I miss. The biggest at the mo is hitting the sofa for a Netflix marathon when I’m not feeling too chipper. I was horribly bored most afternoons before though, no chance of that now.

    #fartglitter
    Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Twenty SixMy Profile

  12. May 24, 2016 / 5:45 pm

    Thank you for this wonderful, honest post. It’s so important for us parents to acknowledge these feelings and be honest about them and yes, anyone who says they don’t get those niggles is blatantly lying X #marvmondays
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  13. May 25, 2016 / 6:47 am

    Around every two weeks Henry and I packed our overnight bags & stay over at my Mums house. Henry goes into her room in the travel cot and I spend the night in my old room. Mum usually runs a bubble bath, has a glass of wine for me and we both get looked after.

    The main reason we stay is because my husband works away and when I have a 5am London train to catch, it’s the only way I can get early morning childcare.

    But how I look forward to these self indulgent evenings. Before Henry I used to have ultra long baths with Grazia, reading it cover to cover until the water was cold. Before hopping off to bed for 9 hours.

    Sometimes you just need you time. I have to admit, I miss Henrys little face this morning and his little smiles. But he loves his Nana and Grandad so much.

    Sorry I was supposed to be replying to your post and practically just wrote a blog post, haha.

    So happy that you haven’t lost yourself during your motherhood journey and I love your night out picture.

    Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst X

  14. May 25, 2016 / 7:32 am

    I absolutely agree with this, I’ve got to be honest but I find anyone who disagrees with at least certain aspects of this to be slightly disingenuous. I love my son more than anything in the world but of course I miss lazy Sundays, nights out where I didn’t have to worry about a hangover the next day and making spur of the moment plans. And I’m not going to apologise to anyone for that. #bestandworst

  15. May 25, 2016 / 8:09 am

    Totally true! The other day some friends were suggesting we all have a weekend away together – they all have kids, but theirs are a bit older. I was thinking there is no way I could leave my two for a whole weekend! We have only left them for two nights in total since they were born! And last time Jet got up at 4.30 am, which has probably put my parents off ever doing it again! Actually, with Chris always working at the weekends, we have never been away for the weekend, even before the kids, as that would mean not only the cost of the trip, but also the lost earnings. But his work schedule means he is around for the kids so much more than other dads, so swings and roundabouts! See, I can do a moany hint too! You are not alone!
    x Alice
    #bestandworst
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  16. May 25, 2016 / 8:57 am

    We all feel like that from time to time. I have four kids now and some days I honestly feel trapped! But then other days I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  17. May 25, 2016 / 9:25 am

    This is definitely not a moany post, I can 100% identify with everything you’ve said and I’m sure lots of other mums can too. We all need to talk about how we feel more, so that more of us can admit that we feel a bit restrained sometimes and it’s ok to have a bit of me-time and want to do whatever we want to do occasionally! You are so lucky you have a reliable babysitter as I think that is the thing that would make our life much easier – we went out together on Monday night for the first time since before Christmas!! Thanks for hosting a fab linky #bestandworst

  18. May 25, 2016 / 9:37 am

    I think you are right! My OH and I got together and decided to try for a child not long after thinking it would probably take us a good 10 months (the average for conception) to get pregnant, but nope little man came first time around, so we didn’t have a long “just us” type relationship before we became three. For me the hardest thing is not having old friends and family close by. I think if we did I would be more inclined to leave C more often, but when you add the cost of a babysitter to a night out it becomes very expensive.

    Thanks for hosting #bestandworst and looking forward to saying hi at #BML16

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

  19. May 25, 2016 / 10:21 am

    I miss just being able to go for lunch or shopping in town without having to think about routines, nap times and bringing bags packed full of food and activities. Other than that, I wouldn’t change it for the world #bestandworst
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  20. May 25, 2016 / 10:34 am

    I know what you mean. I used to take for granted the freedom of simply popping to the corner shop to get something, and now I have to get the little one dressed and in a coat, find some socks, shoes on, into the buggy etc. Still, I wouldn’t be without her x

  21. May 25, 2016 / 11:13 am

    No it’s not selfish at all! I think all parents have that niggle of a past life in the back of their minds. It’s not easy to be tied to kids & not to be able to go & do what you want. It has to be the biggest life change to my life besides moving to Ireland. #fartglitter
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  22. May 25, 2016 / 11:15 am

    Yes, yes, yes. I think you are so normal – I miss so many things from my pre-children life and I am sure everyone feels the same really, whether they admit it or not!

  23. May 25, 2016 / 11:15 am

    Sorry – always forget to add #bestandworst πŸ™‚

  24. May 25, 2016 / 1:37 pm

    Oh my gosh yes, totally normal!
    I miss so many things about my pre-kids life, I wouldn’t go back but still its only natural to crave what you once knew as normal.

  25. May 25, 2016 / 2:17 pm

    Ohhh…I hear you!!
    having just had my second I really understand where you’re coming from, and I also feel so guilty about wanting ‘me time’ and thinking back to how carefree life used to be in comparison. But, you’re right – of course we wouldn’t change it (and, I notice we have to sday that every time, so people don’t think we’re moaning!). I’m making an effort to ‘enjoy’ (or at least appreciate) all the moments with my newborn now, knowing it will probably be the last baby – but it’s still tough work some days! #bestandworst

  26. May 25, 2016 / 3:13 pm

    I definitely miss parts of my life before parenthood, but I also love the new things I can do with my baby. There is a lovely park in London which you are only allowed in if accompanied by a child, and now I’ve been, so it’s quite literally swings and roundabouts. #bestandworst

  27. May 25, 2016 / 3:34 pm

    Completely agree! I think we all need time away to be us and not just mummy & daddy, we are of course people still. I do miss pre kids but I wouldn’t change what I have for the world – id just love a little sleep haha! #bestandworst xx
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  28. May 25, 2016 / 4:42 pm

    I completely agree!! Despite loving my children, and our life now, I miss the days when I had no responsibilities, no 3am wake up or days at soft play! I miss the person who I was back then, the couple that we were, the spontaneity of life and most of all, I miss my sleep!! That doesn’t make us whiny or ungrateful, it just makes us human. Great post, thanks for sharing. #bestandworst
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  29. May 25, 2016 / 4:54 pm

    Totally normal! I really miss my life before my kids but I was still a young teenager when I had my kids so I don’t really have much to miss but I do wish I had. I am looking forward for the future now.
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  30. May 25, 2016 / 7:55 pm

    There are things I miss. Definitely. I think when you become a parent you enter a different stage of your life. its not about me anymore. Its about my kids now. I am on the back burner. As they get older, I get more of me back. and thats nice. Every so often though we get a babysitter, we go out and have one to many and dance our socks off like we used to. πŸ™‚

  31. May 25, 2016 / 7:58 pm

    I miss bits too. you aren’t alone. but I tend to find people I meet and friends always want or crave something someone else has, and then those people crave what they’ve got! we all need to try and be content with what we have πŸ™‚ #bestandworst

  32. May 25, 2016 / 9:49 pm

    It’s definitely normal. I think quite regularly about what I’d be doing if it were just me and my man. Would I be flying high in my career or would we have plenty of money, would our social life be thriving and would we be sickeningly in love every second, as opposed to not having a full conversation until the evening, like you said. It also makes me think that if I didn’t have children now, would I deep down be wanting them? I think I would otherwise we would have held off our family planning for a while. So i think of me without kids wanting the life I have now, then i think of the me with kids wanting the life I used to have (sometimes). They are a blessing but it really does change your life x #bestandworst

  33. May 25, 2016 / 10:21 pm

    I’m with you on this Sarah. Whenever we have a bad spell with Logan whether it’s the consent tantrums or Teething and sleepless nights, I also find myself missing our pre Logan life. We used to go out to the cinema at the drop of a hat after work if there was something on we wanted to see. I love Logan to pieces and I love being a Mum but sometimes I can’t help but miss that life I had before. #bestandworst

  34. May 26, 2016 / 11:54 am

    Its definitely normal to feel that way! I love my children and my life at the moment, but at times I do have a feeling of wanting to go back to when life seemed easier. Me and my partner could go out and do what we wanted whenever we wanted, now we have two young children to think about and they come first. It is difficult. Especially when some of my friends don’t have children yet, I want to shake them and tell them to make the most of this time and embrace it! Of course parenthood is amazing but that being a 2 seems like it didn’t last long at all. #bestandworst

  35. May 26, 2016 / 3:20 pm

    I definitely think it’s normal, I sometimes miss just being able to quickly pop out somewhere without it having to be a military operation! #bestandworst

  36. May 26, 2016 / 3:39 pm

    Swings and roundabouts I think. They get lie-ins, disposable income, freedom to do whatever whenever and we get cuddles, smiles and (just to balance it out a bit) temper tantrums and endless washing … Sometimes you do look at the other side of fence and wonder what life would be like, but I honestly think all it would be is different. There’s good and bad in everything. πŸ™‚
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  37. May 27, 2016 / 7:50 am

    I totally agree, I think everyone misses the pre-children life sometimes. Like you I miss the freedom and wish I had appreciated it when I had it. xx #MarvMondays

  38. May 28, 2016 / 12:30 pm

    Loved reading this as it’s often how I feel with a little one now. As you say, I can’t even get excited about a night out (on the very few that I have) as I know that I’ll have to get up at 6am and the hangover is never worth it. But I do miss just being able to go with the flow and live in the moment – spontaneity is a thing of the past! Having said that I wouldn’t swap having a family for the world – and know that if I was single and able to do what I wanted I’d be envious of those with family always around them. I’m sure we won’t feel this way forever – when the kids get a little more independence and start to enjoy lie ins things will be different – makes me want to hurry up and have a second before Taylor gets too old (and I won’t want to do it all again!) xx #bestandworst
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  39. May 29, 2016 / 2:18 am

    Its absolutely normal! There are definitely times when I miss being able to just have some time to myself, especially lately as I’ve started to get tired earlier and more quickly and feel like I really need this. I dont miss and wouldnt trade it for what I/we have on the whole – having a child and a family is amazing, but occassionally, just occassionally it would be nice not to have to do something for someone else pretty much 95% of my day. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily

  40. May 30, 2016 / 11:57 pm

    I would actually say that I don’t at all miss my life or who I was before the kids – if anything, I wish I had them much earlier in my life! But even so, there are definitely specific things you do miss from time to time – I think for me it would mostly be connected to the endless routine of having to do what has to be done every day regardless. It would be nice on occasion to have the freedom to just not do it & sleep or have time to do something I want to if I want to. But, of course, it’s a price worth paying, even if a bit exhausting! #bestandworst
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