I hate feeling like a quitter. You hear it all over. Don’t give up. Keep at it. Give it a chance. The encouraging phrase list goes on and on.
You’ll regret it. You’ll miss it. What if you never have that chance again? The scary, worrying phrase list begins.
I have recently quit something and it doesn’t feel worrying at all. In fact, I feel amazing.
In January, I decided to take the plunge and do a bit of private dietetic work, alongside my NHS work. I was given the opportunity by a colleague, who is amazingly supportive, so I thought why not? This could be a fabulous opportunity.
I had a good feeling about it. I may have been able to cut my NHS hours down. I was going to make a bit more money. I was going to get back into my general dietetics (as I am very specialised at present) and it was going to be a bit of a challenge.
Downside, the gremlin had to be back in nursery for half a day. We would have to pay for a full day and I had to get my bum out of bed early on a Monday. Also hubby was doing an extra nursery run. In someways this was better, as if I finished early or was quiet, I could come back and have some free time, a quiet lunch or some blog time before I had to pick her up. We could make plans in the afternoon and that was fine. However, the Mum guilt was really intense and I worried about what would happen if I got pregnant (I did) and if the gremlin would be ok with some extra nursery time.
Things never turn out how they look in your head do they? Sometimes it is better and fabulous but other times, it just doesn’t pan out. This one was the latter.
The work was very slow. Some weeks I wouldn’t see anyone, which stretched into 2-3 weeks with Bank Holidays and me moving house. We still had to pay for nursery. I was expected to generate work and this was impossible with my other job, my life, my family and my blogging. Time is always short as a parent. I was losing money and never made a profit.
The type of patients were not for me. Too wishy washy, not enough evidence for their dietetic advice and I felt uncomfortable. I was starting to get stressed out 2-3 days before work about going in. This was ridiculous as I should have been enjoying my weekends, not panicking about who I would be seeing next.
Over Easter it was becoming just too much and I began to consider quitting then. I was pregnant and knew I was going to take a year out of my NHS job and anything I had built up in my private work, would be lost, even replaced by someone else. I talked this over incessantly. My lovely hubby and family were very supportive. Hubby and my step Dad who are more business minded gave me lots of tips to get around my niggles but I knew my Mum, deep down, thought I should knock it on the head.
The decision had been made and I calmly explained my decision and left.
I have not looked back. The relief has been amazing and I knew I was not happy there to be feeling so much better after quitting. This is one of the first weekends I have not felt nervous and worried. The gremlin is going to finish off her notice in nursery and then we will be back together on a Monday again. This is a lovely feeling and it will be lovely to go back to my old routine.
I know you have to try things out and give them a go to see how things work for you and your family. It didn’t work out. I was stressed and guilty. I missed my little girl and didn’t enjoy sending her off for that extra day.
I was a quitter in this situation but it was the best decision I have made in a long time.