Parenting. You live, you learn. You change and grow as much as your kids I’m sure. I have been pondering over one aspect of parenthood recently; enough to write a blog post anyway! Isn’t it frightening how much emotional power, you have over your children as a Mother? Of course this can apply to Dads too; I’m just writing this from my perspective.
Having the power to make someone sad or happy, be giggling or in floods or tears can be sometimes very overwhelming. I possess that in abundance. We all do as parents. The gremlin can be crying in bed, inconsolable, after hubby and myself have left her when the messing about becomes too much. This crying can be lenghthy; not just your run of the mill strop. We are looking at 30-45 minutes. She doesn’t want her Daddy but 30 seconds after I give in, go and get in bed with her and cuddle up, the tears stop and not long before she is asleep.
But having that ability over this tiny person I have made is such a hard concept to get in my head.
Relationships with parents generally I believe are what shape and mould us. They have to be based on love and security. Children thrive on good routines, knowing their boundaries, being listened to and being made to feel like their achievements, however small, are the equivalent of winning an Olympic medal.
It’s that ability to totally get it wrong that is utterly petrifying!
I can literally tear my daughter down with a few sharp words and it is awful. There is no point shouting her. She is in tears within seconds and repeats back to me later on if I have called her “silly” or “naughty”, so it is obvious it sticks with her for a little while. There is genuine worry and she wants to be a “good girl”. She is quite often genuinely heartbroken by my anger or disappointment in her. This makes life quite tricky. We have to discipline her and we have to make it firmly clear when she is doing wrong. Sometimes, the tears need to come so she knows what she has done is severe enough but the look on her face is enough to make you cry too. We have to try VERY hard not to shout or raise our voices and often walking away when getting cross works best, as one of us is usual calm at one time.
Friends reassure me losing it happens and I know it does. But sometimes the “don’t worry, they’ll forget all about it” is hard to remember when you are feeling guilty for snapping and having to give in and snuggle your little one, so they finally go to sleep or calm down.
I guess it’s another one of those things that you are never prepared for when becoming a Mother. The tiredness, the frustration, the love and the total craziness that comes with having kids can be observed and it can be prepared for in a little way. However, being the centre of a tiny person’s Universe, even for a small period of time is something you can never be prepared for. That power and total dependence on you in both amazing and insane at the same time.