The Power of a Mummy

Parenting. You live, you learn. You change and grow as much as your kids I’m sure. I have been pondering over one aspect of parenthood recently; enough to write a blog post anyway! Isn’t it frightening how much emotional power, you have over your children as a Mother? Of course this can apply to Dads too; I’m just writing this from my perspective.

Having the power to make someone sad or happy, be giggling or in floods or tears can be sometimes very overwhelming. I possess that in abundance. We all do as parents. The gremlin can be crying in bed, inconsolable, after hubby and myself have left her when the messing about becomes too much. This crying can be lenghthy; not just your run of the mill strop. We are looking at 30-45 minutes. She doesn’t want her Daddy but 30 seconds after I give in, go and get in bed with her and cuddle up, the tears stop and not long before she is asleep.

But having that ability over this tiny person I have made is such a hard concept to get in my head.

12112414_10100483880603414_2707190357776804017_n

Relationships with parents generally I believe are what shape and mould us. They have to be based on love and security. Children thrive on good routines, knowing their boundaries, being listened to and being made to feel like their achievements, however small, are the equivalent of winning an Olympic medal.

It’s that ability to totally get it wrong that is utterly petrifying!

I can literally tear my daughter down with a few sharp words and it is awful. There is no point shouting her. She is in tears within seconds and repeats back to me later on if I have called her “silly” or “naughty”, so it is obvious it sticks with her for a little while. There is genuine worry and she wants to be a “good girl”. She is quite often genuinely heartbroken by my anger or disappointment in her. This makes life quite tricky. We have to discipline her and we have to make it firmly clear when she is doing wrong. Sometimes, the tears need to come so she knows what she has done is severe enough but the look on her face is enough to make you cry too. We have to try VERY hard not to shout or raise our voices and often walking away when getting cross works best, as one of us is usual calm at one time.

Friends reassure me losing it happens and I know it does. But sometimes the “don’t worry, they’ll forget all about it” is hard to remember when you are feeling guilty for snapping and having to give in and snuggle your little one, so they finally go to sleep or calm down.

I guess it’s another one of those things that you are never prepared for when becoming a Mother. The tiredness, the frustration, the love and the total craziness that comes with having kids can be observed and it can be prepared for in a little way. However, being the centre of a tiny person’s Universe, even for a small period of time is something you can never be prepared for. ย That power and total dependence on you in both amazing and insane at the same time.

(Visited 51 times, 1 visits today)
Share:

47 Comments

  1. July 25, 2016 / 6:33 am

    It is so hard and I know what you mean by not even having to shout at them. Holly knows just by my reaction or look on my face when she needs to say sorry. Sometimes I snap when im tired and then feel so bad and need to go snuggle her and say sorry.

    Since the new babys due soon. She keeps asking me if I love her. This is even worse as I cant think of doing anything these last few months that would suggest otherwise. I suppose all you can do is reassure them.

    Keep it up though! You are doing a grand job and don’t forget it!
    Lx
    http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
    #MarvMonday

  2. July 25, 2016 / 6:49 am

    I’m always amazed by most aspects of being a mum! Patience is not something I have and do lose my rag occasionally and hate myself after even though they seem to bounce back quickly. Lovely post hun!! #marvmondays
    helen gandy recently posted…Camp Like a Champ!My Profile

  3. July 25, 2016 / 7:24 am

    I know exactly what you mean. Being a mum is amazing but sometimes it can be frustrating and then you feel guilty and question how you handled the situation. However, every Mum goes through this, including our own ๐Ÿ™‚ #MarvMondays
    Emma recently posted…Kids’ Bedroom Wishlist From George At AsdaMy Profile

  4. July 25, 2016 / 7:44 am

    I’ve always thought this too but you’ve written it much better than I ever could! Sometimes the responsibility we have as parents overwhelms me but then I realise what an awesome opportunity it is to be able to mould a little person ๐Ÿ™‚ #marvmonday

  5. July 25, 2016 / 8:03 am

    Great post! I agree, you are never prepared for when becoming a Mother, no matter how many books you read or what anyone tells you. I think parenting is about what doing is right for you and your family, especially when it comes to discipline. It’s hard, but don’t be too hard on yourself as sounds like you are doing a great job!;-)
    Aba recently posted…What is in my changing bag?My Profile

  6. Nige
    July 25, 2016 / 9:15 am

    What a great take on being a mum I love thinking of the different aspects of being a parent never really looked at this aspect of being a parent before very insightful and so very true brilliant post Sarah love it!

  7. July 25, 2016 / 2:40 pm

    I so get this. The way we speak to our kids becomes their inner voice and it’s so petrifying! I got much better as Seb got older as I think you learn so much being a parent. Using the right language to discipline and praise is so important and can make all the difference in results. Hope the bump is growing nicely! Tor x #marvmondays
    teacuptoria recently posted…Watch Out WorldMy Profile

  8. July 25, 2016 / 4:02 pm

    Ah this is lovely – my daughter is much the same and cries so much when I tell her ‘no’. She wants to be a good girl too and I’m finding the carrot approach is working much better for us ๐Ÿ™‚ I resonate with so much of this, our voice is so powerful to our kids which is frightening xx #marvmondays
    Bridie By The Sea recently posted…Schools Out For Summer: 5 Ways to CopeMy Profile

    • July 27, 2016 / 5:47 pm

      Just popping back from #bestandworst to say thank you for hosting. Really enjoyed reading this post xx

  9. July 25, 2016 / 5:33 pm

    Ah the mummy guilt, it’s so hard! That photo of you and your daughter is fab, she obviously totally adores you #fartglitter
    Lisa recently posted…Mammy Profile – NicolaMy Profile

  10. July 25, 2016 / 6:57 pm

    This is so true and not really something I’d thought about before. Words can have so much impact can’t they, whether negative or positive. And with the little one, just a reassuring ssshhh or humming can soothe her instantly. Oh and as for feeling guilty, I called the big one a nob a while ago to her sister and she heard. Instant guilt! #marvmondays
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Breathing & Getting EngagedMy Profile

  11. July 25, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    Totally agree with this! I find the best way to handle my little one when he’s been super naughty is to walk away from him – but he hates it so much, he comes running after me saying he is ‘so so sorry’ and I feel so guilty because I’ve clearly broken his heart as he thinks he’s rejected – but he couldn’t be further from the truth. But it’s easier to make up when he’s sorry for what he’s done. He’s easier to talk to and he listens to my explanations about why he upset me. All of these things you have no warning about are hard to get your head around. I’m still adapting now and I’ve come to realise that this is how it’s going to be from now on. Not just while he is three, or four or five – but forever. This is parenting! Argh. I’m strapping myself in for this bumpy but enjoyable ride. #FartGlitter
    Jaki recently posted…That’s Marriage…My Profile

  12. July 25, 2016 / 9:52 pm

    Its so hard finding the right balance with boundaries but they have to learn, and they will remember all the fun stuff we do and hopefully when they are bad or naughty and they then get upset it means they realise their actions?!? who knows, i’ll come back in 20 years and ask you then! thanks for sharing and hey we all have those moments, we are all humans with emotions #MarvMondays

  13. July 25, 2016 / 9:57 pm

    It’s funny to read this today – as I had an afternoon of thinking about all this stuff. My son is 17 months and getting to an age of tantrums and testing boundaries. I suddenly feel this massive burden of responsibility that it’s down to me (well us) to make sure that he grows in a kind, decent human being! The early months are about keeping them fed, dry and alive which I just about managed! Now I’m feeling a lot more pressure. But it’s wonderful at the same time. Charlie x #marvmondays

  14. July 26, 2016 / 7:00 am

    It’s so true Sarah and so scary at times. We have so much power but no idea if we are doing things right or wrong. I think you guys do a wonderful job and hopefully we are all doing OK. I was chatting to a friend the other day about things our parents had said to us that had stuck with us and how we felt we would never say the same to our kids… And I hope that remains true! Xx
    Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) recently posted…The label of SAHMMy Profile

  15. July 26, 2016 / 10:12 am

    I get this, when I tell my son ‘no’ in a firm voice, even tone, he drops the bottom lip and it is heartbreaking, especially when he is such a happy and smiley boy, it’s so difficult, before becoming a mum I was pretty naive thinking I knew how I’d approach everything, but when you become a mum, the responsibility weights heavily #marvmondays
    Blabbermama recently posted…Parenting: Is your baby a predator? [VLOG]My Profile

  16. July 26, 2016 / 7:52 pm

    This is so true and so well written lovely. Today I broke my little girl’s heart because I (OK maybe a bit too sharply) told her that it’s not acceptable to ask for a drink by shouting “DRINK!!!” repeatedly at the top of your lungs (age nearly 4 – she does know better). She was devastated that she was not a good girl, and as you say it’s so hard to get your point across when you can see how upsetting it is to our little ones as they just love us so much. xx
    Thank you for linking up with #fartglitter x
    Rhyming with Wine recently posted…Welcome to #FartGlitter! Week 34My Profile

    • July 27, 2016 / 7:42 am

      Back again lovely. Pop the kettle on – I’m #bestandworst ing and enjoying a second read ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for hosting! xx
      Rhyming with Wine recently posted…Ode To Mr Clingy Pants…My Profile

  17. July 26, 2016 / 9:32 pm

    I really don’t like snapping at my eldest daughter but she can really press buttons at times. It’s hard to reason with a toddler. #MarvMondays
    Helena recently posted…Living Arrows: My Darling DaughtersMy Profile

  18. July 27, 2016 / 1:16 am

    I am really struggling with this myself at the moment. Its really overwhelming when you realise how much you affect your little ones with your reactions, you behaviour or even just your choice of words. A combination of having a threenager and a new baby is really testing and its really hard to consistenly and patiently parent and discipline and there have been moments when I have snapped at the little one, then felt immensly guilty afterwards. Its really hard, but its good to know that im not alone in this challenge. Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  19. July 27, 2016 / 6:47 am

    This is completely me this afternoon. I am so lucky they have each other to play with, because I am not being a nice mummy and have had enough for today. Miserable with a cold and remembering the days when I could actually phone in sick and get some rest. Mind you; their playing has turned to wrestling and one or all of us will end in tears!! #bestandworst
    Mummy Muckups (Anna) recently posted…CRUMMY TO YUMMYMy Profile

  20. July 27, 2016 / 7:59 am

    I think children are also very good at pushing us to our limits. They are very persistent little things aren’t they?! We do all lose it sometimes and that mum guilt is just awful. However, it’s so important to set boundaries for our children, they need to know what is wrong and when they’re not behaving how they should be. It’s as you said how they learn and grow. But that doesn’t make it nice. Luckily, at this age, a nice big cuddle can make them feel better when they’ve understand what has happened and they’ve done wrong. #Bestandworst
    Kat recently posted…Brunch at Urban Meadow Cafe & Bar, LondonMy Profile

  21. July 27, 2016 / 8:17 am

    Great post. I can’t help but feel so guilty when I tell my son off. And if his Dad shouts at him then I’m the first one fighting his corner, even if he did do something wrong. I just can’t help it! I’m awful at disciplining though. #bestandworst
    Rach recently posted…Mission Impossible: Week 2My Profile

  22. July 27, 2016 / 9:06 am

    Sam is definitely at that age where he takes things that I say to heart more. I find disciplining tricky but he does know when to say sorry most of the time. Like you say, another thing on the crazy motherhood journey! #bestandworst xx
    Rachel recently posted…I Thought It Would Be EasierMy Profile

  23. July 27, 2016 / 9:15 am

    True words! My daughter is very sensitive – although she usually behaves well, if we do have to remind her she gets upset. My son on the other hand has seemingly stopped listening to anything I say! Although he is always listening, even though he gives a pretty good impression of ignoring me most of the time :/
    Thanks for hosting, lovely.
    x Alice
    #bestandworst

  24. July 27, 2016 / 9:33 am

    Very true what you say. We do have alot of control and the memories of children can be a real eye opener when they repeat back what we might of said in anger. I hope that the words of love and encouragement stay with them longer!:)

    mainy

    #bestandworst
    mainy – myrealfairy recently posted…Dorset Facts & Trivia – A myrealfairy infographicMy Profile

  25. July 27, 2016 / 10:41 am

    So true. My little guy is 5 months so we’ve been talking recently about how we want to parents and what form discipline will take, that way when the time comes we will be ready. Its a fine line to walk as every child is so different though, you have to mould it to how they react. I’m sure she knows mummy loves her though! #bestandworst
    OddHogg recently posted…Maryculter House HotelMy Profile

  26. July 27, 2016 / 11:42 am

    You are so right, the thought of getting our parenting relationships wrong is so scary. I find myself trying to do the opposite of all the things I feel didn’t work in my own relationship with my parents. At the end of the day I do believe that love covers up most things and doing our best has to be good enough. #Best&Worst
    Coombe Mill – Fiona recently posted…Thoughtful Magnolia Tree GiftMy Profile

  27. July 27, 2016 / 1:12 pm

    So very true! I can pinpoint so many of my own insecurities back to ways my own mum acted when I was a child and that leaves me with so much fear about getting it “right” with my own children – but all any of us can do is our best. Hopefully our best will be enough ๐Ÿ™‚ #BestandWorst
    Hayley McLean recently posted…A New Big Boy Bed – Bedroom TourMy Profile

  28. July 27, 2016 / 1:25 pm

    Oh yeah I can totally identify with this, that guilt of when you lose your temper is the worst isn’t it. I hate it when she says ‘I’m sorry mummy!” and really means it, I hate the thought that I’ve upset her so much, even if she has been naughty. I guess it’s just another of those things we just have to learn to deal with, and hope it gets easier! xx #BestandWorst
    Becky at PinksCharming recently posted…Ideas for Ava’s Bedroom with George at AsdaMy Profile

  29. July 27, 2016 / 1:56 pm

    It’s a big responsibility, one that its hard to explain if you aren’t a parent. I know exactly what you are talking about. Not only are they completely dependent on us physically, but emotionally as well. #bestandworst
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Defending Kisses, Tarzan, and Donald TrumpMy Profile

  30. July 27, 2016 / 3:30 pm

    It’s so hard isn’t it? Amazing too though. I’ve certainly lost it with L before, no one can push my buttons like he can, he knows it too. Even when it’s just a few words and he gets upset because he thinks he’s done wrong or I’m angry it cam be devastating. I always make sure to say I’m sorry, explain why or what has happened, I’ll be the first to say I’m wrong and I’m sorry and that’s something for him too learn too. #Bestandworst
    Briony recently posted…Feeling Calm #27My Profile

  31. July 27, 2016 / 11:41 pm

    I know what you mean, Logan had a 30-45 minute melt down the other day because he couldn’t have his own way and add him hitting me at the same time meant he got put on the bottom step and after a bit he came and gave me a cuddle and a kiss to say sorry. You feel awful that their crying as a result of deciplining them. But sometimes they need it to grow into decent human beings #bestandworst

  32. July 28, 2016 / 1:01 am

    You’ve hit the nail right on the head, Sarah, and I guess your last line (which I think is brilliant), sums it all up! The power and total dependence that our kids have on us – as well as the influence that we have on them – is indeed both amazing and insane. And NOTHING can really prepare us for this emotional rollercoaster called Motherhood.
    Lovely post.
    PS: With regards to the guilt aspect, I’m sure you’ll agree with this post of mine;)
    https://talesfrommamaville.wordpress.com/2016/07/13/with-strings-attached-momguilt/

    #bestandworst

  33. July 28, 2016 / 5:55 am

    Oh honey I feel your struggle here, I feel the same way much of the time. I feel so guilty when I yell because it is not the mum I want to be, and usually it is because I am exhausted and what they did wasn’t so bad. I will tell my daughter who is 12 that sometimes I am just in a mood that I am so tired and she has done nothing that bad. I think it is important to acknowledge if we make mistakes as a parent and let our children know that sometimes when people are little cross, or rude out in the world it usually has nothing to do with them and more to do with how someone is coping at the time. For example when a school teacher yells at the class, he/she is not mad at everyone and is probably just really tired or has a problem at home etc. It doesn’t excuse rude behaviour but helps them to understand not to take it personally all the time. #bestandworst
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Top tips to avoid stuffing up when decorating!My Profile

  34. July 28, 2016 / 11:21 am

    I totally agree with you but I’d add that no one is perfect and it is also our job as parents to teach our kids that sometimes people don’t behave as you’d like and let you down and also how to mend relationships when the going gets tough. That’s really valuable knowledge to have otherwise the first Barbie related argument with her bestie will be much more dramatic xxx

    #fartglitter

  35. July 28, 2016 / 1:17 pm

    Lovely post. It sums up perfectly what I have been feeling these past few days. My little one is now 19 months old and very much aware of boundaries and ‘rules’ – so much so that when I tell her I’m not speaking to her as she’s been a little silly, she immediately asks for a cuddle. It’s scary how even from a young age they know the influence a parent has, I mean we get told constantly that your child thinks of you as their whole entire world but when you actually sit back and think about it properly, wow. It’s a big big responsiblity. Again, lovely post! (I do apologise if this has posted twice or more, my internet is playing up today). #bestandworst

  36. July 28, 2016 / 2:15 pm

    This is a really interesting post – something I’d never actually thought about before. I’m always very conscious of the way I speak to my son, even though he is still young and doesn’t really understand me much yet, but I’d never thought of the power I possess as a parent to completely change his feelings/moods. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time! #bestandworst

  37. July 28, 2016 / 7:27 pm

    It is quite terrifying the responsibility you have as a parent. I do think the way you speak to your children can influence them tremendously. Good and bad, which I have done both and learnt to stop a minute if you can to think. Sometimes I can’t due to the nature of my disability but being honest with your children can help create a trusting relationship X #bestandworst

  38. July 29, 2016 / 3:09 pm

    It really is so hard trying to find a balance between being your child’s playmate and parent at the same time. I feel like my family gives me nasty looks sometimes when I am disciplining my little boy, like I’m being too critical. I try really hard not to shout but to be firm and use positive and negative reinforcement. But there are times when you lose it a little. I can especially relate to the crying about bedtime. I think last night took a full 30 minutes of wintering before he fell a sleep. We’re transitioning to a toddler bed right now. Thanks for sharing #bestandworst

  39. July 29, 2016 / 5:26 pm

    You’re so right, the ‘power’ we have as parents is somewhat overwhelming, and even as they get older, the fear is there. Each decision has the potential to be something major! Scary stuff! Thanks for hosting #BestandWorst

  40. July 30, 2016 / 8:21 am

    I totally relate to this..I hate having to tell my little boy off when he’s been behaving badly or not listening but if I don’t how will he learn? I try not to shout and instead use a stern voice but it can so hard when he just keeps pushing. I always feel guilty if I’ve had to shout though and end up giving him extra big cuddles when everyone’s calmed down. On the other hand though, I love seeing his little face when he does something new or has been a good boy and I congratulate and praise him, he always looks so chuffed that he’s made me happy and achieved something. Being a mum is hard but I think it’s just about trying to find a balance xx #bestandworst
    wendy recently posted…Thomas Land, a fab day out for toddlersMy Profile

  41. July 30, 2016 / 2:42 pm

    Ahh so emotional! This is where I feel I have let my daughter down. It really took me until she was about 2 to fully grasp the magnitude of this. I had to learn to be a mummy whilst being a mummy and I didn’t have a good role model to follow unfortunately. Great topic for a post! #bestandworst

  42. August 1, 2016 / 11:51 am

    I can completely relate to this. I had to tell SB off yesterday and it was probably the first time I’ve properly told her off (she’s 2 and a bit so that’s good going!) and she looked so heartbroken and scared and upset that I hugged her and burst into tears too! Terrible disciplinarian I am haha! #bestandworst

  43. August 2, 2016 / 8:13 am

    I’ve never really thought of it that way before. I often feel the pressure and fear of making sure I don’t “mess him up” but, maybe selfishly, I’ve always focused more on the emotional power my son has over me lol! But you’re COMPLETELY right, we have so much power over them too and it’s scary. We are in the midst of the Threenager drama though so at the moment my discipline is largely ignored by my son! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks for sharing such a thought-provoking post xx #bestandworst
    Laura recently posted…Butternut Squash & Chilli SoupMy Profile