I’m Not Saying Sorry to my Second Born

Being a Mum of 2 is pretty much what I expected. Harder work than one; feeling most days like I am being split in 2, as my eldest wants me to play and my baby girl needs to be picked up. A complete joy to see the bond developing between them; the giggles and the laughter. Completely frustrating as I watch my eldest wind up in her sister by snatching the toys she is interested in and pouring water in her face.

Yes, it’s exactly what I expected. But you manage and muddle through it with two happy kids and a knackered Mum, reaching for the odd vino now and then.

My little Piglet is a happy little bean. I don’t worry about her too much. I don’t think how it must be for her being the youngest. Despite this, I often see streams of apologies from Mums to their second borns. There is the feeling that they miss out somehow. Until the eldest is at school, they may never really get much one on one time with you. They kind of tag along with what ever the eldest is doing, often making do with their friends and siblings, as there isn’t always the time to get to Baby Yoga. Trying to do Baby Sensory with an elder sibling even make me shudder a little!

Everything is done with a slightly lazy attitude for the second. Already, even with weaning, I am trying to give little Piglet what we all are having rather than batch cook a tonne of little meals for her. I’m not as stressed if she doesn’t get any fresh air and if there is a bit of poo on her vest? Does it matter?

Despite all this I am not saying sorry to my second born.

She is lucky.

She has had a better me as her Mummy since the second I pulled her out of the birth pool as she was born. I didn’t feel completely paralysed with numbness and overwhelming panic as I cuddled her, like I experienced with her sister. Instead she got tears of love spilled on her head; the adoration for her was instantaneous. It did not have to grow to the crazy love I have for her elder sister now.

Piglet latched on as if she was born to do it. She didn’t have a stressy, shaky Mummy trying to get the latch right, as her elder sister did. She didn’t get a Mummy asking her Daddy to get the formula and a bottle on the second night she was home; the Mummy who didn’t want to breastfeed anymore.  She didn’t get the Mummy crying to her Mum as she couldn’t get her elder sister to stop crying. She got a Mummy who didn’t care if she fell asleep next to her if she feel asleep breastfeeding. She got a Mummy who couldn’t give a crap if they stayed in front of the telly a lot when they were alone and just had a lots of cuddles. She didn’t have a Mummy who really wanted a bedtime routine from 6 weeks. She got a Mummy who snuggled in front of telly at night and didn’t mind about losing her evenings for a while.

My second born may have missed out on long walks and fresh air. She may have missed out on a couple of baby classes. She may get left to play alone on the mat a bit more, as I rush around like a loon tidying up or reading to her sister.

BUT.

She got a relaxed Mummy.

She got a Mummy who kind of knew what she was doing.

She got a happy Mummy.

She got the Mummy I wished I could have been from Day 1 with my first.

So I’m not apologising to her.

She got a good deal!!

My Petit Canard

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34 Comments

  1. April 24, 2017 / 8:32 am

    Yes, your second born is indeed lucky! In fact, most of us are considered lucky by having a caring mom, a mother who labored for you, a mother who went through all the hardships just to make sure that their child grows as a good person. Oh, this post of yours reminded me of my mother and oh, mother’s day is just around the corner too!

  2. April 24, 2017 / 12:16 pm

    Amazing post and definitely no need to apologise to her. I feel the same with Pops, I am definitely older, and maybe wiser since I had her sister. We have a big age gap which means she can help with her sister and she benefits from having that older playmate too. Love the photo of you feeding her too! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Marvellous MondaysMy Profile

  3. April 24, 2017 / 1:32 pm

    I feel exactly the same

  4. April 24, 2017 / 2:03 pm

    Hi, what a lovely reflective post. Thank you for sharing your experiences #marvmondays

  5. April 24, 2017 / 7:52 pm

    This is just fantastic!! I’ve definitely gotten better as a mum with each other hold, as you say less nervy, less stressy. With number 1 I had a parenting book about my person at all times, he certainly didn’t have the relaxed mum the others did!!
    daydreams of a mum recently posted…University open days?? How? My Profile

  6. April 24, 2017 / 9:52 pm

    Wow Sarah I LOVE this post. So true! Yes! haha
    I am way more laid back with Alice and I was feeling bad for not doing all of the classes I once did, or batch cooking. I just mash our dinners and get on with it. But she has 2 siblings that play and love her, she has spent way longer being breastfed and in our room too, so why be sorry for the other things Im not doing? Thanks for this xx #marvmondays

  7. April 25, 2017 / 11:23 am

    Definitely no need to apologise! And just watch as they grow up together and the beauty that there is when they play together (most of the time) 🙂
    #TriumphantTales

  8. April 25, 2017 / 4:28 pm

    I think it is easier with subsequent children 🙂 they get an expert looking after them. Firstborns are the experiment where we make mistakes and learn from them #TriumphantTales
    Laura Beresford recently posted…Sainsbury’s Free From Pecan TartsMy Profile

  9. April 25, 2017 / 9:47 pm

    It is easier with the second child. But they all get an enormous amount love from us.
    #TriumphantTales

  10. April 26, 2017 / 6:34 am

    She did get a good deal with you 🙂 it’s different for first and second children. Always will be. Like you say she may not be getting some of the classes or one on one time but she is getting a mood experienced version of you and a big sister. #bestandworst
    Briony recently posted…This Plus That Equals…. A Weekend OffMy Profile

  11. April 26, 2017 / 7:43 am

    I love this !! I have a 14 month age gap and feel exactly the same !! Nothing to apologise for at all #bestandworst

  12. April 26, 2017 / 8:40 am

    This is a great post. I can’t relate because I only have the one but I reckon I could were I to have another baby. What did resonate with me was the bit about panic when being presented with your baby. Blind panic is something I felt in those first few minutes. #bestandworst
    Rach recently posted…Where Is The Love?My Profile

  13. April 26, 2017 / 9:38 am

    I’ve been so incredibly stressed about the pending birth of our new baby, that I didn’t stop and consider life beyond the theatre. Henry is such a loving little boy and is great at sharing his toys and food. But will he be happy sharing his Mummy & Daddy?

    But I love your attitude to not having to say sorry to Piglet for being born second. We love our babies with equal love and they will grow up knowing that. That’s the main thing. Loved this post. Thank you. x #bestandworst x
    Renee @peonieandme recently posted…Pregnancy style… The Nautical Trend xMy Profile

  14. April 26, 2017 / 11:02 am

    This is a great post, I can imagine that the second time around you are much more relaxed and calm with a newborn. Unfortunately for my two they had to share AND had a stressy mum, the joys of twins 🙂 x #bestandworst
    yvonne recently posted…6 fun Ways to make your Kids more activeMy Profile

  15. April 26, 2017 / 12:41 pm

    Great piece! There will always be a difference between the first and second child! Embrace it!!! #bestandworst

  16. April 26, 2017 / 1:40 pm

    Yeah I’m not really sure I would apologise to LM actually, or if I did I think Monkey would need an apology too. There’s swings and roundabouts, some things I did more of first time round but also things I did ‘better’ second time around. They have each other so I think they are dedicated lucky and am not apologising to either of them… Not for giving them a sibling and always trying my best (which on some days is better than others.)

  17. April 27, 2017 / 2:53 am

    Love this! Your kids are very lucky to have you!
    #bestandworst

  18. April 27, 2017 / 12:04 pm

    Loved reading this! And definitely made me feel a lot better about the imminent arrival of our second! My intentions were to be chilled out with Taylor, but I think it’s pretty impossible with your first, since it’s all so new and you really don’t have a clue. This time around I’m definitely not planning to put too much pressure on myself or force a routine too early. I’m actually starting to look forward to the baby days again after reading this, which I never thought I’d say! xx #bestandworst
    Mum in Brum recently posted…Looking after our dog’s teeth with Pedigree Dentastix {collaborative post}My Profile

  19. April 28, 2017 / 6:53 pm

    Obviously, I only have the one (as everyone now knows this week!! ) but if I were to have another I do think I would be more laid back. So pleased that second time around was easier for you. You have two adorable little girls who always look happy! Well done Mama! Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales, hope to see you again on Tuesday! PS. New blog design is fab!! xx
    Jaki recently posted…Children vs. Career: How Being a Parent Affects Your WorkMy Profile

  20. April 28, 2017 / 7:35 pm

    I’ve never thought about it this way! Thinking about it now and my 3rd baby definitely got the better deal! I am way more relaxed with him #MarvMondays
    Liane recently posted…Thankful Friday.My Profile

  21. April 29, 2017 / 4:00 pm

    I feel that the second has missed out on all the baby groups I attended with her sister but they are all closing down around us here anyway. Other than that she’s experienced a lot of the same or indeed a little earlier in life than her sister. #bestandworst

  22. April 30, 2017 / 8:10 am

    There is good and bad to being the second child, or the first for that matter. You have a lovely family. #bestandworst

  23. April 30, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    I’m so pleased you’re not willing to apologise. Being relaxed means a happier you, and a happy you means a happy baby. like you say, so what if she misses a few classes?
    Ben hasnt gone to any classes, i tried the fresh weaning for about a week or two, but i found the pressure to be “the perfect mum” just frustrated me . he is my first born but quite possibly my only — and similar to you. I wont apologise. As long as they’re happy – does it matter?
    Thank you for sharing your post with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back on Tuesday!
    Mrs Mummy Harris recently posted…A Picture Says A Thousand Words – Trini Mama BebeMy Profile

  24. May 3, 2017 / 4:14 pm

    Having just had number three I can relate to all.of this – my youngest is definitely getting a better version of me for all the same reasons! #bestandworst
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…Fun ways to help your child learn to readMy Profile