I Need to Stop Apologising For My Child

I was out with a fellow blogger not long ago. We both have girls who are around the same age; 3 and 4 and 8 month old babies. The eldest two are typical lovely little girls accompanied with the usual behaviour that occurs when small females get together. Not listening to us, silliness, giddiness, rolling about, falling out and telling tales on each other. If you have one, you know exactly what I mean and if you are like us, you spend a lot of time apologising for them.

 

Why?

After an hour or so with my friend and our girls, I wondered the same thing. It cumulated when her 8 month old kicked her bowl of puree accidentally on the floor. My friend was mortified. The staff member who I told? Couldn’t give a crap. Happy to mop it up when we left. They see it all the time.

So why are we apologising for our children so much when the do things that normal kids do? We are all parents hanging around together with these small monsters, who the majority of the time, all behave the same way.

For me, other kids being a bit silly and giddy usually cracks me up. I have a red-faced, flustered Mum in front of me, apologising to death and I basically think it’s quite funny. As long as the gremlin isn’t getting upset, I’m never too fussed.

But if it’s my child acting up?

Ground SWALLOW ME UP!

smiling girl

It’s a funny one.

The gremlin is going through a bit of an annoying stage of not only not listening, but when told not to do anything she does it anyway. I spent an afternoon with a friend whose daughter did exactly the same thing. My gremlin is also a bugger for telling tales if her little friend does something wrong. However, hubby and I preach to her so often about telling the truth and not fibbing to us. Poor girl may not know what to do. She’s also very forward if she is comfortable with someone. She will have no qualms to ask for a drink, extra food or even a straw if she fancies it. What do I do? Apologise for her. For being cheeky. For being greedy and asking for more. For taking food if her little friend has some. The list goes on.

I worry about doing this in front of her. If all the poor thing hears is me apologising for being her; for growing up and finding out what is right and wrong, she will end up thinking everything she does is wrong. Of course she has to learn she won’t be very popular if she grasses someone up in every instance but I’m sure that may be a hard lesson she learns at school. Of course she has to learn if she eats too much she will get sick (this lesson may have been learnt on holiday!) These, however, are HER lessons to learn.

It’s coming back to the same issue. The pressure to have perfect kids. To look like we are holding it together. Looking good, sparkling house and kids who can recite the alphabet backwards at 2. No kids are perfect. All kids will act up and be little shits now and then. Tiredness and hunger has a lot to answer for in my 3 year old.

I don’t think we should be apologising for a girly fall out or even telling tales.

We shouldn’t be apologising for tears and tiredness.

We shouldn’t be apologising for squeals and giggles and some general giddiness.

These little girls are just that – LITTLE girls. Growing, learning, screwing it all up and embarrassing us and themselves. We were them once and sometimes we are still doing it now.

So I’m making a conscious effort. I don’t want to say sorry for my gremlin all the time. Within reason, she is just being her and I don’t really want her changing because I’m worrying far too much about what others think.

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24 Comments

  1. May 30, 2017 / 10:36 pm

    I love this! I often wonder why we apologise for such silly little things. We all expect children to do things like knock things over and get a bit wild when they’re excited! Thanks for sharing #triumphanttales

  2. May 31, 2017 / 7:03 am

    This is a fab post and completely agree. Kids are never perfect and I don’t why we feel compelled to apologise for them, probably just manners and to explain we’re not raising tramps who feel it’s fine to pick their noses and ram cheese up it (Pops at the dinner table yesterday). Either way we’re all human and kids are kids! #bestandworst xx
    Fran Back With a Bump recently posted…RECIPE I Rainbow CakeMy Profile

  3. May 31, 2017 / 7:30 am

    I couldn’t agree more. I try not to apologise for things L does if I wouldn’t expect an apology from another parent n the same situation but it’s tough. When it’s your kid and you are right there in the thick of it, it really can just seem so bad #bestandworst
    Briony recently posted…Feeling Calm #65My Profile

  4. May 31, 2017 / 7:35 am

    It’s a pretty English thing to apologise for everything I think, and now we have these little people disturbing everyone following us around so the apologising instinct kicks in. Not really great I agree #Bestandworst

  5. May 31, 2017 / 7:52 am

    You’re right. I’m trying to be mindful of this because I am a huge believer in only apologising when we really mean it, otherwise ‘sorry’ becomes just another word. Great post love #bestandworst
    Rach recently posted…Don’t Tell Me What To FeelMy Profile

  6. May 31, 2017 / 8:06 am

    I think we’re all guilty of it but need to aware of it as you say. Gremlin is just lovely 🙂 no need to apologise. #bestandworst

  7. May 31, 2017 / 11:24 am

    Yes! I am the same…always apologising for Leo’s behaviour and then feeling guilty for doing so afterwards. He’s just being a kid, kids are loud, messy and sometimes naughty. People need to accept that and so do I really. No child is perfect xx #bestandworst
    Wendy recently posted…What is a baby show and 3 reasons why you should goMy Profile

  8. May 31, 2017 / 12:23 pm

    This is a brilliant post and I totally agree. It’s so easy to end up saying sorry for stuff that’s just normal for children of that age and no biggie. We usually more bothered about these things than anyone else.
    Tubbs recently posted…The Grumpy ListMy Profile

  9. May 31, 2017 / 2:35 pm

    This is so so true I had a similar thoughts the other day at soft play! #bestandworst
    Kerry recently posted…Kamagra tabletteMy Profile

  10. May 31, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    Yes! To all of this! Little Man is going through a bloody awful stage at the moment – I swear I’m grey under all the bleach and hair dye! I can’t work out if he’s ready for school or just bloody knackered because he doesn’t stop from the minute he gets up in the morning. I feel like I have to apologise for his bad behaviour. Yes, in some situations I do have to, but all the time? Probably not. At the end of the day, he is a child who is learning his way. Still finding out how far he can push us and working out what is right or wrong. If people don’t like that then I make changes as to who we spend our time with. #TriumphantTales (thanks for linking!) & #BestAndWorst
    Jaki recently posted…The Bloody Brilliant Bloggers TagMy Profile

  11. May 31, 2017 / 8:42 pm

    I apologise for my little boy so much at the moment as we are in terrible twos/threenager stage. Every day when I pick him up at nursery and they tell me has played up I apologise…. but your post is so true! #bestandworst
    Busy Working Mummy recently posted…The stigma of women in business My Profile

  12. May 31, 2017 / 9:37 pm

    Ahh! You are so right! I had never thought about it like this before…
    Even with my girls being older I still do….I really should rein it in a little.
    #bestandworst
    Kim Carberry recently posted…Father’s Day Gifts….My Profile

  13. This is all so true! I find myself doing the same and apologising when my toddler knocks over a drink. But kids are all arms and legs so inevitably things will get spilt. You’re quite right that we need to just let them be who they are without worrying about what others think! #BestAndWorst
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…What Little H did – 2.4 yearsMy Profile

  14. June 1, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    Yes! I do this too. I think we all do, well, those of us that care enough to be courteous. I have found some parents dont apologise when they should do eg when their child does something horrible on purpose like biting. I hate that. I think I’d rather be polite and say sorry even when its not necessary as I know other people are more understanding and forgiving when you do, especially as it shows you care about your child’s behaviour. Its so tricky to get the balance right. I’ve started apologising when my child farts…no decorum! But it is funny all the same. #TriumphantTales

  15. June 1, 2017 / 7:59 pm

    Every age has a stage right? Three is the worst- and Im not finding ten all that enjoyable. If I apologized for the girls I would never have time to flipping say anything else.

    #bestandworst
    kristin mccarthy recently posted…Survival Tips for the Garage Sale NoviceMy Profile

  16. June 1, 2017 / 9:02 pm

    Great post. Perfectly put. Our Little Man is two and knows his numbers to 100, but that doesn’t stop him being a little shite most of the time and embarrassing us. He gets a kick out of it. Fidget is 5 and can be a right little tattle-tale with her friends. But it’s just the norm for them. It’s the meltdowns in the park that were the worst for me. Kids throwing a tantrum in a busy park and me on my knees trying to reason with them and feeling the eyes. Now I don’t care so much. It’s just worn out kids doing their stuff at the end of a busy day.
    #BestandWorst

  17. June 2, 2017 / 7:35 am

    I’ve never really thought about this before but it’s so true, we don’t want it to become their internal voice and start worrying so much about other people’s opinions they stop being themselves x
    #Bestandworst
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…AniMalcolm by David Baddiel: A Book ReviewMy Profile

  18. June 2, 2017 / 5:43 pm

    i’ve never apologised for my 5 children over the years, because I’ve always made sure that the places i’ve taken them have been child friendly. I may want to visit a fancy tea shop, but with that many kids, pushchairs/wheelchairs etc I wouldn’t have felt relaxed so i picked cafes where they could make noise, be themselves and I could relax
    #TriumphantTales

  19. June 4, 2017 / 7:06 pm

    I think you have the right attitude, do not apologise for what little lady does. All kids are rascals in front of others – its sods law!! Just like how I tell people how angelic Ben is and then he plays up something chronic in company!
    Thanks for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back on Tuesday.