Oh No Tui….this is what a holiday with 2 kids is like!!

Firstly before I even start we have just come back from a fabulous holiday in Cyprus. We stayed at a Sensatori hotel, designed by Thompson or Tui, as they are abroad.  They are amazing! We had help from my parents and apart from some very tired children now and then, it was brilliant.

On the flight home, hubby happened to read an article in the Tui in flight magazine about a “day in the life” when staying at one of their Family Life hotels. It described attending Les Mills classes in the morning followed by the beach, swimming or aqua aerobics. After lunch you could have a spa treatment whilst your little darlings are at the kid’s club. A delicious evening meal comes next with so many choices for your minis; the day all finished off with the fabulous kid’s entertainment. Sounds idyllic. Sounds easy. Let’s book NOW!

I’ll stop you right there. Nothing is easy with two kids. Not even with parents on hand to help. Those rose coloured glasses are flying off. Let me give you an insight into a day in life for us; the good, the bad and the ugly.

6am – the baby is awake. WTF child?? It’s 4am at home and you went to bed at 9pm. How is this possible? I don’t want to get my head kicked in so I either go for an early gym session or look at shit on my phone until the eldest wakes. She got the memo and sleeps until 8am.

8.30am – breakfast. Hope to entice the eldest to some nutritious fruit, eggs and yoghurt. Nope she wants chocolate cereal, waffles with chocolate spread, fried egg with chocolate spread, a chocolate spoon…you get the gyst. Repeat this for 11 mornings. The baby just eats anything, including a baby wipe. Nap time is approaching so she is yelling at anyone who will listen.

10.30am – yes it takes us this long to get breakfast and get back out of the room. The room looks like a bomb has gone off. My Mum can’t physically step in as the mess is giving her nausea. The kids are sun creamed up. The gremlin is marding as feels it is her right to take the buggy seat over her 7 month old sister, who can obviously walk down to the pool by herself.

11am – all sit by the pool. Slathered in factor 50 and feel like I am frying. The gremlin looks brown on day 1. Officially hate her. Grandad has gone to the gym so we won’t see him again for at least 3 hours (!). Miss the Les Mills class as the the gremlin had a 30 min crying fit, as a red bug crawled near her foot. Debate a mojito. Daddy takes the gremlin swimming. I read some of my book (success!)

12.30-1pm – lunch time. Nanny convinces me it’s acceptable to have wine at lunchtime. Gremlin has fish and chips and ice cream for lunch. Repeat for 11 days. Piglet eats anything I put in her mouth, including the napkin.

2pm – the gremlin meets a friend who is going home the next day (!) Said friend has been in the kids club all holiday for one session a day. Gremlin refuses to go, unless friends are there. Spa is officially not happening. Chill by the pool. Attempt to get in pool with the gremlin but it is so cold, can only go half way in and shiver. Try to convince the gremlin to have a nap, as she is going to be vile later if she doesn’t. Nap never happens. Crap.

3pm – Piglet naps. Eagerly await her waking up so she can feed and I can have a mojito. Daddy stuffs face with all inclusive crepes and hides from the gremlin. Consider another mojito.

5.30pm – time to go and we are pretty much the last parents to leave the poolside. Everybody else has more sense and time awareness. We can’t be arsed to move. Get ready for the evening meal in record time. Debate straightening hair. Realise I have about 5 minutes to get myself ready. Feed Piglet who then exhaustedly proceeds to yell from her position of power on the bed. Get aftersun in the gremlin’s eye. She cries for 20 minutes and refuses to have any put on her for the remainder of the holiday. Finally get out of the door. Feel sorry for anyone who has to clean our room and vow to leave a big tip. Vow to kill my husband if he doesn’t tidy up.

7pm – food time. Try to convince the gremlin there are other things other than fish, chips and ice cream. She possibly eats one pea. Choose myself an amazing meal. Sit down to eat. Piglet screams like a banshee. Realise my dress isn’t that practical to feed in and have to get my entire nork out and cover with a napkin. Eat one handed. All adults fight over who will NOT be take the gremlin to the kid’s entertainment.

8pm – Kid’s entertainment. Look at my watch desperately to wait until 8.45pm comes and the torture is over. Wonder if the entertainers love it? Can’t have a drink as Piglet still awake and is bound to want more milk. The gremlin chases her new friends all over. Have to tell her off for planting kisses over the little boy she has met(!). Have to tell her off for crawling under people’s seats.

9pm – troop back to the lobby. The gremlin is running around with her new friends. Kids screaming (my fault). I get a bollocking as they have crawled under a table in the adult area. I order a fizzy wine and crawl under the table myself.

10pm – bedtime. The gremlin goes from happy and excited to being an extra in The Exorcist. Take her back to room. She cries. Clean teeth. She cries. Get undressed. She cries. Put her in bed. Argue with hubby for being too soft. She collapses.

10.30 – hubby supplies cocktails from bar.

11pm – zzzzzz

3am – Piglet wakes for a feed.

4am – Piglet still awake. Gremlin has a bad dream

5.30am – Gremlin vomits everywhere.

6am? Shall we go again?

Oh the fun and games! Oh the drama. This is very tongue in cheek but everything here happened at some point during our fabulous holiday.

So Tui, your hotels are amazing but if you can convince my eldest to go to the kids club a bit more, they will be even better.

Happy summer holidays!

*Please note I really did not consume this much alcohol each day….ok maybe not everyday 🙂

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24 Comments

  1. May 22, 2017 / 8:01 am

    Sounds about right! Although sounds like you could’ve done with more booze haha. Holidays with kids are tough lol. #marvmondays

  2. May 22, 2017 / 8:01 pm

    Ooh looks lovely – even with all the drama! We’ve been chatting holidays this week and have decided to go abroad again next year…i’m pinning this for reference!
    x #Marvmondays
    MMT recently posted…The curse of being a dark haired womanMy Profile

  3. May 23, 2017 / 6:46 am

    Bloody love this post, so so true and proof our Instagram pics tell a very different story!! Thanks for linking to #marvmondays xx
    Fran Back With a Bump recently posted…Marvellous MondaysMy Profile

  4. Haha, this is funny. Sounds like you had a good time considering two smalls were with you. Eternal proof that magazine articles always show the glossy, rose-tinted view of life though! #MarvMondays

  5. May 24, 2017 / 6:51 am

    That sounds much more accurate of a family holiday to be honest! But then who needs to relax anyway? I don’t think I could convince Evie to go to the kids club for much time either. #BestandWorst

  6. May 24, 2017 / 7:36 am

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha – this did make me laugh love.
    I still haven’t taken my son on an abroad holiday yet and i’ll be honest, this doesn’t inspire me to do it! #bestandworst
    Rach recently posted…This Too Shall PassMy Profile

  7. May 24, 2017 / 10:57 am

    Oh my goodness, this reminds me of a holiday we went on when the girls were both pre-schoolers (4 & 2). It was fab, but it certainly wasn’t a relaxing break. Fear not it get’s better as they get older 😉 #bestandworst x
    Lisa recently posted…A Special FriendMy Profile

  8. May 24, 2017 / 12:31 pm

    This sounds so true … We spent ages trying to convince the Tubblet that she’d really enjoy the kids activities etc and she wasn’t having any of it! Meanwhile we were contemplating all the things we’d like to go but couldn’t. Grrr!

    Hope everyone has recovered from their holiday now
    Tubbs recently posted…#NotThe33 – Last Day to Register to Vote in #GE17My Profile

  9. May 24, 2017 / 11:17 pm

    I always found someone was poorly on a family holiday and lack of sleep is such a killer at any time. Glad you had a good holiday between the everyday parenting dramas. #BestandWorst

  10. May 25, 2017 / 9:22 pm

    Haha this made me laugh, and this is the reason why with four children, our holidays are ridiculously hard work!!! Every year I convince myself that this year it will be easier, but so far I have yet to find any improvement! This year perhaps….#bestandworst
    five little doves recently posted…For Meggy, on your fourth birthdayMy Profile

  11. May 26, 2017 / 6:11 am

    Ha ha, sounds like a pretty normal family holiday to me. My son never wanted to go to the kids club till he was 6, and even then he was never there long. He would also scream and cry at the mention of sun cream or aftersun which obviously meant several very loud outbursts a day. Thankfully I managed to apply some yesterday with only mild wincing so he seems to be getting past it and the youngest loves having any kind of cream on so I’m hopeful for this years holiday x
    #Bestandworst
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…#funseekingkids Week 8 Round-UpMy Profile

  12. May 26, 2017 / 3:35 pm

    I give you a lot of credit for even taking the trip. Hope it was a great time regardless. I like the new header for the blog. First time I’ve seen it #bestandworst
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Politicizing TragedyMy Profile

  13. May 27, 2017 / 6:29 am

    I think it’s amazing you do holidays aboroad ! I’m too scared lol but maybe next year we will do it – love this post #bestandworst

  14. May 28, 2017 / 10:21 pm

    Oooooh so this is what awaits me! We’re hoping to brave abroad in September so hmmmm ill not mention any of this to hubby so he still wants to go #bestandworst
    New Mummy Blog recently posted…Toddler H and bump | MySundayPhotoMy Profile