Do I Carry on Breastfeeding?

Ah breastfeeding. Never does a word seem to bring up some much emotion and controversy. There will always be an opinion, a tip, sadly a judgement somewhere.

Did you manage it? How long for?

Little Piglet is approaching 9 months, around the same age as her elder sister stopped breastfeeding. She has already cut all day feeds out and is not taking any formula, unlike her sister at that age. This isn’t necessarily a plus, as she isn’t taking milk, either expressed or formula from a bottle. She drinks water from a cup but milk, not in the quantities to substitute for breastfeeding.

Do I try a bit harder to wean her off me?

It’s funny the differences in opinions and thoughts on the length of time breastfeeding. Friends ask me how Piglet is doing and congratulate me when they hear I am still feeding her. Every time this happens I am taken a back a bit. To me it’s what I do. I don’t think about it. To those who couldn’t breastfeed, 9 months is HUGE. ¬†However, I was told quite clearly on social media when I posted around breastfeeding, that the World Health Organisation recommend it up to 2 years. There are some very strong opinions on this fact; it is very black and white.

I read another  blog post recently where a fellow Mum was encouraged to feed all the way up to her child hitting 1 year old. Then it was as if a switch was pressed as soon as her child clumsily attempted to blow out their birthday cake candles; people found it funny breastfeeding her child post 1 year old. She felt weird feeding in public. She too questioned whether or not to stop.

I’m in that stage where I’m not sure if Piglet will be my last child. I think deep down, she will be my last baby. I’m not sure I can do it all again really. Therefore she will be the last baby who I breastfeed. Although, little Piglet isn’t bothered about feeding in the day now, she loves her milk at night, during the night and a little first thing. Am I ready to let that go?

I’ll be straight up. I’m not sure I want to feed much post a year. Some will question this and say it’s not my decision. It’s my baby’s but I’m not so sure. I am back to work. Night wakings will be tougher and there is something about going back to work that symbolises being me a bit more. Not just Mummy. Don’t get me wrong, I know many who work and still feed but I’m not sure I want to.

I lie awake at night feeding her as she fusses away and half of me wants to squish and cuddle her, the other half just wants her to get off so I can go back to sleep. Hubby is next to me, sleeping away and I’ll admit, I’m fed up sometimes.

I know as parents we need to hang on to the precious moments which come and go so quickly as your parent. You blink and they are crawling. You wake up one day and their friends are their worlds, not you anymore. I know I want to savour the closeness that little bit more. But then the other half of me wants a night out with a couple of friends or to hand the little chick to my Mum so hubby and I can have a night away. I know that will be waiting for me afterwards but the thoughts are still there.

Babies are like little animal sometimes. They root around, they find your milk and they find their comfort in that. I know I will look back on my time breastfeeding so fondly and I will miss it. There is that part of me that wants to try and stop but that other bit of me will just keep going that little bit longer.

That night away will be waiting but my little baby won’t always be.