Solid as a Rock

Solid as a Rock

I haven’t watched The Jeremy Kyle Show in ages. This actually isn’t by choice; there is just way too much shouting when my gremlin is around, so I’m good and turn it over. One thing that always used to make me laugh, even before I had a baby, were couples thinking that a baby would “save” a failing relationship. What? Really? Are you insane? It is more likely to lead to the complete opposite!
1) The obvious and possibly the biggest killer in the early days and for a while after having a baby is sleep deprivation. Okay, I have to say me and hubby have been very lucky with our gremlin. She seemed to know the difference between night and day pretty quickly after the initial few frantic feeding days. I’m not saying she slept through at 6 weeks but she would wake, feed and go back down so we got blocks of sleep. I know others who haven’t been so lucky. Sleep deprivation causes mood swings, lack of concentration, affects your general temperament and insomniacs are know to have higher incidences of depression. Throw that into a rocky relationship and you may as well be throwing a bees’ nest onto a bonfire!I then thought a bit more deeply after the initial snorting into my cuppa and I came up with my 6 reasons (would love to hear yours too) why it is so important to have a solid relationship with your partner or spouse before having children:

2) You haven’t got a clue what you are doing. From day one it’s complete guess work. Why is my baby STILL blooming crying. Fed. Check. Nappy changed. Check. Winded. Check. So what the heck is WRONG?? I remember watching Super Nanny when I was younger and I remember her saying before you have children discuss what your values, ideas and opinions are regarding looking after a baby. How do you want to do things? I don’t like co-sleeping. In fact I’m completely against it. We have only had our gremlin in bed with us less than a handful of times; usually after 5am and now she actively won’t fall asleep with us (which is sometimes a bit sad when you fancy a sleepy snuggle!!). But if you haven’t discussed this and at 3am you are having a full-blown row about co-sleeping with a screaming baby, it isn’t going to bode well!

3) Goodbye Privacy. All Mummys know this one. I can’t have a wee without my gremlin coming into the toilet all excitedly. Hubby was looking at some old photos recently and came across quite a few of my tasteful underwear shoots. They were posed all over the house, usually in the middle of the day (who doesn’t vacuum in their underwear?). Always on a complete whim. This was almost 3 years ago. What’s changed? The introduction of this gorgeous little shadow who follows me from room to room for most of the day. Not sure a spontaneous photo-shoot in front of my little madam would be entirely appropriate now eh? I’m not saying this fun side of a relationship goes. Of course not. But it can take some planning which of course loses the spontaneity and can put a struggling relationship into further hot water.

4)Lack of Time. This one should probably be higher on the list! I love spending time with my gremlin. She is so much fun. The other day I was climbing around a soft play with her, getting all hot and bothered but thinking this is ace! I’m not ashamed to admit however I’ll still have a little daydream about the days where hubby and I would spend the morning at the gym and sack it all off to spend the entire afternoon in front of the telly snuggling and drinking tea or wine! Once a little whirlwind enters your life that little thing called time becomes extremely precious. You don’t get as much time to yourself or together; just comes with the territory. Everyone needs some alone time to relax. It makes you feel good mentally; you come back refreshed ready to take on another burst nappy. You have to say bye-bye to date nights for a little while. Hubby and I do find that part hard but a relationship needs to be strong to ride through that and savour the time you do make for each other.

5) Quarantine. Now I have already covered this in the Germ Rant but it’s in the list! You may be the healthiest couple in the world pre-baby but throw a germ festering little bundle into the mix, especially if they attend nursery or baby groups and you are going to get ill. Fact. Now this isn’t always so bad and can be manageable BUT illness brings isolation, cancelling all your plans to avoid an epidemic and therefore a weekend staring at your 4 walls. Fair dos after a busy week this can be quite nice; but 4 weekends in a row, not so fun. If you are already struggling to stand the sight of your beloved this little complication is sure to end in fireworks!!

6) The “S” word. Now all new parents (maybe not all?) know that time for fun the love department is going drop for a bit.,..or longer after a baby comes along. Apart from the obvious time us Mummys need to feel ready for a bit of love, sleep deprivation, no free time and just general meh are going to slow things down. Your body changes after a baby, confidence may be knocked and getting back to the usual may take weeks, months or even years. The joys of germs isn’t exactly a turn on. Snotty kisses and the sounds of your hubby’s over-dramatised puking (you have to hear it to believe it) doesn’t make me want to start practicing for Baby No. 2!! As I said in the privacy and time sections, spontaneity can be a bit less infrequent and those special cuddles may need to be planned a bit more.

So this is why I thought the guests on Jeremy Kyle were out of their mind when they thought a baby could save it all. I just had to console myself with joining Jeremy in his classic “put something on the end of it!!”

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  1. February 10, 2015 / 12:23 pm

    You're so right. The sleep deprivation alone can make a reasonable person a lunatic so if you don't love the bones of them, you'll end up killing them! Great post, really enjoyed reading it. 🙂

  2. mm February 10, 2015 / 12:45 pm

    Thanks ! I know it's torture! Xx

  3. February 10, 2015 / 2:22 pm

    I could not agree with you more, there is no way a baby will save a relationship, it is much more likely to kill one! The sleep deprivation and frustration are fuel for daft arguments and yeah no chance of romance! When you have a baby or toddler attached to you or climbing all over you all day all you want when they are in bed is a little personal space, certainly not a recipe for romance! Great post and lovely shots of you guys 🙂

  4. February 10, 2015 / 5:13 pm

    I think the time and privacy issues resonate the most for me – I have been known to snap my husband's head off if he so much as walks past the bathroom when I'm about to get in the bath – it's like "do you not realise that I've been climbed all over for the last three hours – spent all my time cooking and clearing and refereeing and getting them washed and into bed and now all I want is a big glass of wine and a hot bath – ALONE!!" 🙂 Great post! Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout X

  5. February 10, 2015 / 5:21 pm

    This was such a wonderful post! I don't often read about things you should do BEFORE baby comes to make sure you stay connected with your spouse (usually the posts are things you should do RIGHT NOW) – but in many cases, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Babies are more wonderful than anything, but they're a lot of work and it's definitely easier if you've got a solid relationship with your spouse to lean on (and for him to lean on you!)

  6. mm February 10, 2015 / 7:07 pm

    Thanks for the lovely comments! Also makes me feel like we are all in the same boat xx #thetruthabout

  7. February 10, 2015 / 10:21 pm

    This is all so true!! That sleep deprivation bit…my god! Our little one went through a stage of waking every 2 hours and thankfully the other half helped me out in the nights even though he had to get up for work. It was a seriously tough time but we lived through it! I don't think anyone could actually believe that a baby can cement a relationship…surely not?!! Thanks so much for linking up with #twinklytuesday xx

  8. February 11, 2015 / 8:43 pm

    I couldn't agree with you more. I know many that were struggling and thought a baby would help them. I just really don't see their logic in any of it. How could no sleep, feeding all hours and being exhausted and not knowing what either is doing but good for an already falling relationship. Scary thought isn't it. Guess that's why they are on a show like that though hahaha Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  9. February 12, 2015 / 3:53 am

    Totally true! And I've found the arguments ovee everything crazy, we agree on the big stuff (as you should when you have a baby!) but the little arguments and differences, should we wake a sleeping baby, that I am too routine orientated, could easily have led to other things if we weren't strong enough as a couple to withstand!

    Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks

  10. February 12, 2015 / 2:18 pm

    What a great list! I was reading through wondering when the 's' word was going to making an inevitable appearance.

    It always makes me chuckle when I hear of people thinking that a baby will bring them closer together. There is nothing more dividing than having kids. Ian and I had a rock-solid relationship, but our kids have really tested that at times. Ultimately everything is great and we are strong, but I would certainly not entertain having kids to strengthen a relationship. Bonkers!


  11. February 14, 2015 / 12:32 pm

    What a great post! I couldn't agree more!! It's crazy what can cause arguments. Sleep deprivation is a good one. The little things were always the cause for annoyance.
    It's amazing how people believe a child could save a marriage. We were expecting our second one when we were 'rocky' we didn't have him to save tarring not at all but we did say on occasion that he would help us with it. Silly now looking back on it as even then I would have said that it wouldn't save the marriage for anyone else but it's amazing what you think in the situation.

    Good post and glad you linked up with us for the #bigfatlinky

  12. February 14, 2015 / 6:48 pm

    Totally agree, I can't see anyway in which having a baby could save a flailing relationship. It's so bloody hard. x

  13. February 15, 2015 / 11:23 am

    Totally agree. HOW, HOW, HOW could anyone think a baby could possibly help in any way? Thanks for sharing this and for linking up #bigfatlinky

  14. February 15, 2015 / 11:23 am

    Totally agree. HOW, HOW, HOW could anyone think a baby could possibly help in any way? Thanks for sharing this and for linking up #bigfatlinky

  15. mm February 15, 2015 / 1:22 pm

    Thanks for all the comments guys! Glad you agree! xxx

  16. February 16, 2015 / 12:52 pm

    Sleep i remember that…2 years doesn't agree,,,

  17. February 19, 2015 / 2:52 pm

    Great post! And you are so right – although Ross and I got together when Grace was 4 and we have never had a child-free relationship! We seem to be able to cope though! Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo 🙂 x