As parents the biggest thing to give you a brown trousers moment is bringing that bundle home and thinking holy moly this thing has ME for a mother. I have a crazy big responsibility here. It’s huge, it’s lifelong and it’s blooming scary.
|Looking knackered the morning after having her
To me the scariest part of it all is ensuring my parenting does not result in some serious issues for my girl in later life. Making my gremlin eat healthy, be polite, do her homework, be good etc. These don’t bother me at all. It’s something I’ll have a good go at and just hope she doesn’t turn out a swearing, loud mouthed lout (like me!). No, I’m more bothered about if me or my actions sit with her in a negative way, affecting her mental health in her future years. The Mental Health Foundation say 1 in 4 of us will have some form of mental health issue in the course of a year. That’s a lot of us. Obviously this isn’t all going to be due to external factors but of course a lot of times it will be.
In my job I see a lot of people, some with mental health problems and many times when I dig a bit and they confide me in, issues with their parents or childhood arise. They didn’t feel supported, loved, listened too or taken seriously, there was some violence, the list goes on. And for them to bring this up in front of me, their dietitian, often a stranger to them, suggests it must mean a lot to them and it’s obviously still affecting them now. This terrifies me!
How can ensure I don’t make the same mistakes? If I snap at hubby or vice versa I’ll have a wave of panic; what if our gremlin is taking all this in? Obviously I love her to death and tell her always; I was lucky my family are very good at saying I love you so it’s easy. But what if love isn’t always enough? I’m paranoid that I’m listening to her. If I’m messing on my phone and she potters over with a request, I’ll throw it away and give her my undivided. I’m trying really hard to keep my control
if she’s naughty or letting her leave food rather than worrying or shouting. She is already a little person, with thoughts, opinions and wishes and within reason I’m already trying to respect that whilst giving her the security that I’m always there.
I hope we are close like me and my Mum and I’m determined to love her, listen to her and support her as best I can. I’m sure all little ones want is to feel safe, have a good routine and fabulous playmates in their parents. I want her to feel loved, secure, safe, confident in herself and ready to face the world when the time come. I love being able to say my childhood was lovely. I felt loved and despite my parents divorcing, all was not grey. I’m hoping I can meet all that and give my gremlin the best start in life too.