Life Goes On

Life Goes On

My Grandma was really sick when I wrote this last Tuesday. Since then sadly, we lost her.

I had a bit of a shock as not been in contact with the hospital over the previous weekend and she had deteriorated to the point of them withdrawing care. It was so sad but right. She was 95, had a great life but her quality of life had just gone.

After the initial upset and the flurry of calls and texts I made, I wiped my face and went back to my office, to cry a bit more and try and get back to work and take my mind off it. It was hard. I felt fuzzy, heavy eyed but determined to stay and also pop and see my Grandma again before going home. Β I chatted to family on my way home, felt reflective, a bit sorry for myself and just drained.

Arriving home to my gremlin running to open to door for me flung me back into reality in a heartbeat. She wanted to look at the moon and the stars. Just that and only that. The simplicity of a toddler’s mind; so happy in her world where the moon and the stars are the most exciting thing ever. Oblivious to the reality that her Great Grandma was teetering on the border between this world and the next. Completely mind boggling really.

I sat and chatted with my hubby whilst she watched a bit of TV. We ate and as usual I shared a bath with the gremlin. Β The blue flannel as usual gave her immense fun; she could suck all the water from it, put it on my face and pretend it was a skirt. She climbed into the bath by herself and so proud of herself Β I thought she would burst. I got her into her onesie after hubby and I enjoyed tickling her and chasing her with the hair dyrer. She wanted to sit on the windowsill and stargaze some more for a while. I was quite happy to listen to her chat away and sing the Christmas songs she has learnt at nursery.

I just sat there and thought life just goes on. It is such a cliche but it just does. I felt sad and very reflective but a two year old needs her bedtime routine, her milk, some fun and to act like nothing is going on. I absolutely love the innocence of kids, as to her nothing is going on. Her biggest worry is she can’t wind her up music box and needs help to see that twinkly fairy spinning around. Kind of brilliant really.

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So Grandma I never stopped thinking about you that night but I did have those thoughts dampened by your excitable Great-Granddaughter, who I promise will know exactly who you were; a fabulous, chocolate guzzling, grumpy, strong figure in her Mummy’s life.

 

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67 Comments

  1. November 30, 2015 / 7:05 am

    Im sorry about the loss of your grandma, its a hard thing no matter how old they are.
    But you are right, sometimes its important to stop and look at the world from the viewpoint of your children. Seeing the simple pleasures my kids use to get out of life were a reminder to slow down and appreciate things a bit more. #Fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 2:18 pm

      Thanks Tracey so kind. Kids are just so innocent and make us sooo grateful. I’m very thankful for her x

  2. November 30, 2015 / 8:35 am

    My condolences for you lovely. It is so hard to lose someone so important and influential in your life. I lost my grandma this year too. It helped me immensely to remember all th happy times we had together and like you I drew strength from spending time with my kids. Wishing you strength for the coming time. #fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 2:18 pm

      Thanks Catie – it is really hard. Aw sorry to hear about your Grandma too. Memories are lovely and the kids are fab distractions xx

  3. November 30, 2015 / 10:57 am

    Lovely post, chicken. I’m glad the Gremlin was there to distract you and remind you of some positives when you were bummed out. Big hugs x
    Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 2:17 pm

      Thanks chick. I know, me too. Big hugs too and thanks for all the support you have given me x

  4. November 30, 2015 / 11:56 am

    Big hugs my darling πŸ™ Having children is a wonderful distraction for awful things that are happening. Lots of love #fartglitter xxx

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 2:16 pm

      Thanks lovey. They really help x

  5. November 30, 2015 / 12:03 pm

    I am sorry about your grandmother. I went through the same thing in May and my little boy really got me through it. It is good having routines to stick to and someone to entertain to keep you busy and stop you falling apart. I hope you are ok. Thinking of you xx #Fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 2:16 pm

      Thanks so much Wendy that is kind. Little ones really do help x

  6. November 30, 2015 / 2:47 pm

    I’m so sorry lovely. Sending hugs to you all at this sad time. Your little girl will keep you strong. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post. Dawn x #fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 9:04 pm

      Thanks so much Dawn; very kind xx

  7. November 30, 2015 / 7:41 pm

    We have been lucky in that we haven’t really had to deal with loss of a loved one yet…But, my Mum always said when my Grandparents died, when I was a toddler…I kept everyone going and smiling. Thats a nice thought x x sending hugs x x #fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      November 30, 2015 / 9:05 pm

      Aww it is nice that you haven’t really. It’s a nice thought knowing you were the lovely inspiration. Thanks lots xx

  8. December 1, 2015 / 6:22 am

    Such a beautiful post Sarah and so true. Their innocence is amazing and a great reminderror sometimes that life does go on. Again I am so sorry for your loss hon xxx

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 1, 2015 / 7:38 pm

      Thanks again Caroline. So kind x

  9. December 1, 2015 / 6:47 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your grandma sounds like she was an amazing lady! I think that the innocence of children is such a beautiful thing. Their needs are so simple, and that is so special. #TwinklyTuesday

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 1, 2015 / 7:38 pm

      Thanks so much. I love the innocence of little ones x

  10. December 1, 2015 / 6:24 pm

    This is a beautiful post. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m pleased you were able to draw a little comfort from your daughter’ during this time. Sending best wishes your way. #twinklytuesday

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 1, 2015 / 7:37 pm

      Thanks so much Laura this is really kind xx

  11. December 1, 2015 / 7:08 pm

    I’m very sorry to hear about this loss, in this touching, honest post. How amazing that Gremlin could remind you of what it is to carry on, and I’m sure she will love hearing all about your Grandma as she grows up. I show my boys photos of mine all the time, and the eldest has just started asking lots of questions about her, which is lovely.
    #fartglitter

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 1, 2015 / 7:35 pm

      Thanks Lovely that is so nice. I will make sure her memory is always alive xx

  12. December 2, 2015 / 7:29 am

    Sorry for your loss. I found it so hard when I lost my Granddad, as being a mum you have to put grief on hold until the kids are in bed. It’s tough. Treasure your memories. #bestandworst

  13. December 2, 2015 / 8:22 am

    She sounds like a strong, amazing woman. But life really does continue to roll on, heh; thank goodness for the business of family to keep you strong and reflective. My condolences. #bestandworst

  14. December 2, 2015 / 8:35 am

    Sorry to hear about your grandma. It’s very true that children’s lives do go on whatever has happened which means do does ours. But I think it helps to have a reason to wipe away the tears and carry on. #bestandworst xx

  15. December 2, 2015 / 9:08 am

    What a lovely post – her legacy lives on in those she’s left behindx #bestandworst

  16. December 2, 2015 / 9:13 am

    Hey sweetie,

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandma. My husband lost his beautiful Nannie last week and he’s going through the same rollercoaster emotions as you. Similar to your lovely nan, they withdrew care from Ben’s Nannie and she never woke one morning.

    Its so hard as you are thankful they grew old and lived a full life, but they are still missed immensely. I know my husband finds comfort in the fact that a little of his Nannie lives on in Henry. And the same with you, a little of your Grandma lives in your little Gremlin.

    Don’t forget to mourn and let those tears flow x Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst x

  17. December 2, 2015 / 9:33 am

    Oh hun, I’m so sorry for your loss. We went through a similar thing in August with my granddad and it was tough but Arj got us through! They had a great life πŸ™‚ #bestandworst

  18. December 2, 2015 / 9:44 am

    So sorry to read of your loss. Grandmas are pretty special. What an amazing lady she must have been, and to reach the grand age of 95 as well – wow!
    Life does go on and I’m sure your Gran would have wanted you exactly where you were that night – with your girl, stargazing.
    #bestandworst

  19. December 2, 2015 / 11:03 am

    Sorry for the loss of your grandma – sounds like she was a fabulous woman. We have to be thankful for the time we had with them and it is so lovely that your daughter had her in her life, even if only just for a short while. That is such a beautiful photo of you all, so lovely to have such happy memories. Sending hugs #bestandworst

  20. December 2, 2015 / 12:42 pm

    Just visiting again and bringing hugs.

    Thank you for hosting.
    #bestandworst x

  21. December 2, 2015 / 12:53 pm

    Beautiful post and so true. When you have young children, you have to carry on for their sake. I agree that their innocent outlook and acceptance of things is an inspiration. I’m sure your Grandma would be happy to know that the Gremlin is helping to take your mind off the sadness.
    Thanks for hosting #bestandworst πŸ™‚
    Debbie

    • December 6, 2015 / 7:54 pm

      Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
      Debbie

      • RunJumpScrap
        Author
        December 7, 2015 / 7:51 pm

        Thanks for hosting x

  22. December 2, 2015 / 1:13 pm

    I’m really, really sorry to hear about your grandma. I don’t know what to say. I’ve not yet dealt with any losses … which is weird at my age. What I want to say, is that you are an inspiration in how you could see through the pain to what really matters … life. Especially that of your Gremlin. And that they live because you do. The simplicity you talk about is the biggest blessing I think that we humans have … to be grateful for the simplest of things that make our loved ones happy.
    What a beautiful post in memory of another fabulous human (Read: Woman)
    xx
    #BestandWorst

  23. Nige
    December 2, 2015 / 1:16 pm

    So sorry for your loss Sarah unfortually life does go on and toddlers I think help us to continue love and hugs Nige xx take care thanks for hosting #best and worst

  24. December 2, 2015 / 1:24 pm

    sorry for your loss Sarah. Take comfort in the fact that she was able to know the gremlin, at least for a little while. I wish my grandmother had been able to see what I made

  25. December 2, 2015 / 1:28 pm

    Oh i just love that no matter how upset we are, just the simplest of things to a child can make us smile.
    Sorry for your loss x

  26. December 2, 2015 / 2:09 pm

    So sorry for your loss Sarah but I agree that there is a cycle of life and the little ones kind of teach us to move on and take care of the task at hand. Your description of the Gremlin’s desire to stargaze is very lyrical and lovely. Thanks so much for linking up as always Xx #thetruthabout

  27. December 2, 2015 / 2:10 pm

    I’m sorry to hear of your loss, Sarah. πŸ™

    I do know what you mean, though. I’ve had a really difficult and draining few weeks but my little girl has shown me how to smile again. She brings light into every day and I am so thankful for her. xx

  28. December 2, 2015 / 2:33 pm

    Oh, to be a child again and remove the stresses, worries and heart-aches of the adult world. So sorry to hear of your loss x #TwinklyTuesday

  29. December 2, 2015 / 3:46 pm

    It is so true that sometimes when you have children it is hard to stop and take a breath and take in whats happened. When you are responsible for tiny people life does just have to go on as you said. Not that it makes it any easier… its just the way it is i think. Still, i am so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy but well done for staying as strong as you could for your children. #bestandworst

  30. December 2, 2015 / 4:07 pm

    Sorry to hear you lost your Grandma. Love and strength to you.
    Kids have such a wonderful grounding force about them. She will help you when you feel low just by being there and needing you to be her mummy.
    I hope you have a relaxing week now and are able to grieve.
    Thanks for hosting #bestandworst
    Vix x

  31. December 2, 2015 / 6:34 pm

    Coming back from #bestandworst cx

  32. December 2, 2015 / 7:21 pm

    I’m sorry to hear your loss! It’s so true, a child’s innocence is so incredible that sometimes we want to be kids again, so we won’t feel the heartaches, stress and difficulties in our lives. I’m sure you’re grandma is a great inspiration to yourself and to little gremlin. #bestandworst

  33. December 2, 2015 / 7:44 pm

    Just dropping back in with another hug from #bestandworst xx

  34. December 2, 2015 / 9:30 pm

    This is a lovely (but very sad) post, filled with love for both your Grandma and your lovely Gremlin. I’m sure she would be happy to know that you were spending time with her that evening, and enjoying all her lovely little ways. xxx

  35. December 2, 2015 / 11:51 pm

    Awww Sarah, I’m so sorry about your Grandma. It’s true, your little gremlin will keep you smiling and seeing the happiness in a world which isn’t always so happy. #bestandworst

  36. December 3, 2015 / 3:07 am

    I’m very sorry for your loss. So true about children. My nephew was born on the day of my Grandad’s funeral last month as if to prove that very point. #bestandworst

  37. December 3, 2015 / 5:05 am

    Sorry for your loss. It’s obvious how much your grandmother meant to you. I’m sure your little one will understand how much she meant to you in time #truthabout

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 3, 2015 / 9:12 pm

      Thanks lots x

  38. December 3, 2015 / 12:02 pm

    So sorry for you loss lovely, I love to photo of you all with your Grandma. Cherish those precious memories because they do last. Bless you hun and thanks for hosting at this sad time. #bestandworst xo

  39. December 3, 2015 / 4:44 pm

    My condolences Sarah. I’m sure your little gremlin will grow up with a great sense of who her great grandmother was. It sounds like you had a deep connection with her.
    My own grandmother died just over a year ago. I have a beautiful photo my two of my sons which I took on the day of the funeral. Afterwards I thought to myself, I will probably hate that photo because of the day it was taken. But actually I love it because my youngest son was at the time my grandmother’s youngest great-grandchild and was there at her funeral.
    #thetruthabout

  40. December 3, 2015 / 8:54 pm

    What a beautiful post. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Your daughter sounds absolutely wonderful xx

  41. December 4, 2015 / 10:05 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma, I know how hard this can be. I hope you are feeling a bit better! It seems crazy how easily life can just….go on, when something so big has just happened…… Love the photo of you with your family, you all look very happy: )

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 7, 2015 / 8:08 pm

      Thanks so much Meagan. Life really does just with little ones, never realised it until she came along. Thanks lots x

  42. December 4, 2015 / 3:20 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss but it is good you can be positive and hold a memory for your granny X #BestandWorst

  43. December 4, 2015 / 4:35 pm

    So sorry for your loss. Even when someone is obviously ready to go, it still is hard to miss them after they’ve passed away. Kids are amazing creatures, aren’t they? I’ve often thought that their ability to just let things go and concentrate on the simple pleasures of this moment is pretty inspiring. In some ways, I wish I could be more like that.

  44. December 4, 2015 / 5:48 pm

    Sorry to hear about your nan lovely. You are so right though that life does just go on. I lost my dad two months before Zach was born and I was never really able to find time to sit and dwell on it. Don’t get me wrong, I was devastated and still am but being heavily pregnant I couldn’t stress myself out and then I had a newborn, toddler and now preschooler! The last three years have flown by and even though I still think of dad every day, there hasn’t been the time to be as distraught as I probably would have been had I not have been about to give birth! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  45. December 4, 2015 / 8:47 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma, it’s never easy no matter how old they are or what kind of health they’re in. I’m sure as your daughter grows up you’ll show her photos and share memories of her. Sending lots of hugs #bestandworst

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 5, 2015 / 6:30 pm

      Thanks Lisa πŸ™‚ x

  46. December 6, 2015 / 9:50 pm

    So sorry for your loss. It’s never easy, but it sounds like you’ve got some amazing memories of what sounds like a remarkable woman to pass on to the Gremlin

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 7, 2015 / 7:50 pm

      Thanks lots Mrs Tubbs. We have some lovely times x

  47. December 7, 2015 / 6:12 pm

    Oh Sarah what a beautiful post. I’m very sorry. Gosh what IS it with this time of year. You’re the third person in three days that I’ve come across who’s lost an elderly relative. But 95 is pretty fab. I’m frankly amazed you managed to write something. Poor pet. #BestAndWorst

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      December 7, 2015 / 7:47 pm

      Aww must just be that time. 95 is just ace…so pleased for her to have had such a good life.Thanks lovely x