My word of the week this week is Psychic.

We have a week full of night awakenings and I often wonder what is going on in my gremlin’s head, especially when she starts playing up and being naughty. This then made me feel all daft and I decided to try and write a post from the her perspective; what she thinks about when she wakes up and how she decides what to do.

So this a snapshot into the brain of my 18 month old in the morning. This is what I’m SURE she is thinking:

It’s 5.30am – So I’m awake. It’s still dark. What now? I know! I fancy some milk. I’ll start calling for it in a pathetic croaky voice. If I say it 10 times I’m sure someone will come. Nothing just silence. Hmmm, perhaps if I say please too, really desperately, it will work. I have to say please about 15 times I’m sure. Wait a minute, I can hear the stairgate opening. BOOM I’m getting my milk! Daddy seems really tired today. Perhaps I should go back to sleep after that lovely 5oz of warm milk (it did taste a bit odd; I bet Mummy told Daddy to sneak those rank vitamin drops in again!!). Nah, forget it I’m awake now so I’ll start banging around and chatting to “quack, quack” and “teddy”. I like to go all quiet for a bit and then suddenly scream out loud like I’m being murdered and scare Mummy and Daddy as they managed to nod off again. This is ridiculous, it’s been ages and no one has come to get me up. Maybe if I start calling for “MummyDaddy” over and over again this could work? Wait a minute Mummy’s head is poking around the door. Time to throw teddy out of the cot and say bye bye. Mummy is asking if I want to come out but it’s more fun to slam myself into the pillow and pretend I want to stay in my cot. Oh no wait a minute she’s called my bluff! Where are you going Mummy?? I better start crying now! Phew she’s got me. I have to open the door and point to where we are going; she needs directions of course.

Why are you taking me into your room? I want to go downstairs. I’ve just said it 5 times. I want my “Weety”. No I don’t want Daddy to cuddle me. If you are going to put me in your bed Mummy I want to watch those videos of me on your iPhone. Yes I can now say iPhone and it won’t be long before I know your password.

Okay bored now. Where’s your perfume Mummy? Oh wait I want that jewellery box. No! Sunglasses from your drawer. Wow you have loads of pairs Mummy. I’ll try them all on again and maybe you can too. Shall we go downstairs now? I’m kind of hungry.Don’t even think about taking me into the lounge. I will play when I want to play. I want to go into the kitchen cupboard and find the pasta. You know how I like to get out a piece and just hold it in my mouth. I could swallow it and choke but hey, it’s fun!

Oh I’m in my highchair now. Must be food time. I know I told you I wanted Weetabix but I don’t really. I’ll have a few spoons and leave the rest. It’s fun to bang the spoon really hard on the table and watch Mummy’s face. I know she is trying to be all cool and calm like Daddy told her but I know she really wants to throw me out of the window. I could do a bit of spitting but perhaps that’s going too far. Mummy has raisins and toast! I want that. I’ll keep pointing and looking mega cute, I’ll shout toast a few times too. No Mummy I don’t want the bit with Marmite on, I want the bit with chocolate spread on. I know you don’t want to share it but tough. I’ll say chocolate forever if I have to, until you give me a bit.

I HATE having my face wiped. Get OFF!! Get me out so I can go and play. No I want to watch “Pincess”. Why is Mummy putting on Eastenders? I like the music so I’ll dance around but then it’s snoozeville after that. Perhaps Mummy will read to me? She can always pause the telly about 25 times during a 30 minute slot to read Spot the dog 5 times in a row. Awww fabulous…we are going to have another lovely day together I can tell.