In life generally there are always those things that seem a good idea at the time. That extra glass of wine. Pole dancing when drunk. Buying onesies. The hangovers and bruises are just not worth it the next day and I sweat far too much in onesies, as well as looking like a tit. As I have gotten older I try to think ahead a bit more. Look for the inevitable pitfalls in my plans.
What do I mean? This mantra can be used with children. However, I seem to have gone back to my rookie days and have fallen foul with a few of my decisions. I am already wishing I could go back in time and sew my gob shut or get my hubby to pin me down and not act:
Here are the 10 things I wish I never started with my gremlin:
- Stroking her back. I love having my back stroked so when the gremlin got a bit stressed/puked/was hurt I would move her top and stroke her back. It worked and she always calmed down. However, now I can’t stop!! She won’t sleep without it. It’s the end of the word if I stop! I’m left with an achy arm. Why??
- Laughing when she farts. Of course now every fart is a flipping hoot. Worse still she stands there and squeezes as hard as she can to get every bit of gas out to make me laugh. I can’t help it. I try so hard to keep a straight face but it never works. However, it is minging and she is supposed to be a lady?!
- Started giving her eggy peas. She is as fussy as hell on some days and I know eggs and peas are a decent meal; protein and veggies. However, not 7 days a week!
- Letting her pretend to drive Daddy’s car. Every time we go onto the drive, she is begging to get in. And every time we say no there is a monster strop.
- Storing her dummy in the drawer. She has NEVER had a dummy but since we bought her a baby with one she is a bit more keen. She runs into the kitchen and can find it every time. Thing is, she isn’t consistently bothered, so I forget and throw it back in there. Then I have to take it off her and she goes insane.
- Making up stories. I had the greatest idea of doing what my Dad used to do and make up stories with the same characters. So I did the gremlin and the fairy. However, I am running out of ideas for adventures and she asks for one every night. The gremlin and the fairy meet the giant in the sky, the pixies, the abominable snowman….the list goes on….
- Getting in the bath with her. To be fair I do enjoy this. She is a bit more gentle with me and we usually have a giggle. Plus she lets me throw cups of water in her face now…bonus. However, she isn’t a happy bunny if I decide I don’t want to get in with her. Sure it won’t be still going on when she’s 18, right?
- Sworn in front of her. Not me (the well known potty mouth) but my hubby. He recently confessed to watching me scrape his car on the hedge when I left the house, groaning whilst uttering the words “f***king bollox”. Little did he know the gremlin was stood quietly by his side. She looked up at him and calmly repeated the expletives. Well done husband. First prize for being a dumbass. Luckily it hasn’t been repeated but I know it is up there in the vocab memory warehouse.
- Letting her use ‘daddy’s phone’ when she comes in to our room. At 6am and this is the first thing you hear I want to throw the darn phone out of the window.
You live you learn eh? First time around its a new and rosey and you never think about the consequences. More about anything for 5 seconds peace, sleep or a solitary number 2.
Baby no 2 I’ll be ready….