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10 Things I Wish I Hadn’t Done as a Mum

In life generally there are always those things that seem a good idea at the time. That extra glass of wine. Pole dancing when drunk. Buying onesies. The hangovers and bruises are just not worth it the next day and I sweat far too much in onesies, as well as looking like a tit.  As I have gotten older I try to think ahead a bit more. Look for the inevitable pitfalls in my plans.

What do I mean? This mantra can be used with children. However, I seem to have gone back to my rookie days and have fallen foul with a few of my decisions. I am already wishing I could go back in time and sew my gob shut or get my hubby to pin me down and not act:

Here are the 10 things I wish I never started with my gremlin:

  • Stroking her back. I love having my back stroked so when the gremlin got a bit stressed/puked/was hurt I would move her top and stroke her back. It worked and she always calmed down. However, now I can’t stop!! She won’t sleep without it. It’s the end of the word if I stop! I’m left with an achy arm. Why??
  • Laughing when she farts. Of course now every fart is a flipping hoot. Worse still she stands there and squeezes as hard as she can to get every bit of gas out to make me laugh. I can’t help it. I try so hard to keep a straight face but it never works. However, it is minging and she is supposed to be a lady?!
  • Started giving her eggy peas. She is as fussy as hell on some days and I know eggs and peas are a decent meal; protein and veggies. However, not 7 days a week!
  • Letting her pretend to drive Daddy’s car. Every time we go onto the drive, she is begging to get in. And every time we say no there is a monster strop.
  • Storing her dummy in the drawer. She has NEVER had a dummy but since we bought her a baby with one she is a bit more keen. She runs into the kitchen and can find it every time. Thing is, she isn’t consistently bothered, so I forget and throw it back in there. Then I have to take it off her and she goes insane.
  • Making up stories. I had the greatest idea of doing what my Dad used to do and make up stories with the same characters. So I did the gremlin and the fairy. However, I am running out of ideas for adventures and she asks for one every night. The gremlin and the fairy meet the giant in the sky, the pixies, the abominable snowman….the list goes on….
  • Getting in the bath with her. To be fair I do enjoy this. She is a bit more gentle with me and we usually have a giggle. Plus she lets me throw cups of water in her face now…bonus. However, she isn’t a happy bunny if I decide I don’t want to get in with her. Sure it won’t be still going on when she’s 18, right?
  • Sworn in front of her. Not me (the well known potty mouth) but my hubby. He recently confessed to watching me scrape his car on the hedge when I left the house, groaning whilst uttering the words “f***king bollox”. Little did he know the gremlin was stood quietly by his side. She looked up at him and calmly repeated the expletives. Well done husband. First prize for being a dumbass. Luckily it hasn’t been repeated but I know it is up there in the vocab memory warehouse.
  • Letting her use ‘daddy’s phone’ when she comes in to our room. At 6am and this is the first thing you hear I want to throw the darn phone out of the window.
You live you learn eh? First time around its a new and rosey and you never think about the consequences. More about anything for 5 seconds peace, sleep or a solitary number 2.
Baby no 2 I’ll be ready….


  1. Claire Ridewood
    July 27, 2015 / 6:09 am

    Hehehe, Oh the tings we start and then regret!! #maternitymondays

  2. TheL'sMum
    July 27, 2015 / 6:46 am

    Haha this did make me a giggle a bit as I am so guilty of so much of what you have said and more. I let the little on into our bed when he was poorly, he now won't leave it. Giving in because he screams for a bottle in the morning even though I know I should be taking it away now. The list goes on, like you I am so ready for number 2 where they won't get to do half as much as my little L has. #maternityMondays

  3. Kirsten Toyne
    July 27, 2015 / 7:22 am

    This could be all of us. We might have a slightly different list but the 'I wish i hadn't started that' is so familiar. In one moment we have changed the course of our lives!! Great post. Really made me smile,. thanks

  4. Kirsten Toyne
    July 27, 2015 / 7:28 am

    Oops #mummymondays

  5. July 27, 2015 / 7:37 am

    I hate to say it when baby number two comes along you do even more 'wish I hadn't' moments lol! I've so many and I love your list and can relate to them all. These little monkeys are very clever aren't they #mummymonday xx

  6. aNoviceMum *
    July 27, 2015 / 9:14 am

    LOL … I learnt my lesson about the phone; I try and keep real phones away from my little man now. I'm happy with him making 'phones' out of other things around. Good to know I'm not the only that has to get in the shower to get my little one bathed! We live and learn and many of these things will soon be left behind. A day will come when she wouldn't want the back rub again; fab for arm but sad for heart :-). #MaternityMonday

  7. July 27, 2015 / 8:32 am

    I know what you mean with the swearing; I really need to try and stop or once Isla is older she will start repeating me… I'm a sucker for not being able to say no or stay angry so I need to work on that as well or my list will be a lot longer than this. Great post honey, made me laugh 🙂 xx #maternitymondays

    July 27, 2015 / 11:37 am

    This rings a lot of bells. My biggest one is youtube nursery rhymes. I wanted to have him listen to decent music (AKA my taste in music) but the Mrs insisted on finding him those awful, badly animated videos which make me want to put my fingers through my eye balls. Sigh.

  9. July 27, 2015 / 10:45 am

    Hehe this had me giggling throughout! I must admit I am now an adult and still demand 'back scratches' so I don't think you're the only one who's started that bad habit haha xx

  10. Shannan Jackson
    July 27, 2015 / 12:56 pm

    This is brilliant….mine would have to be I wish I never ….bought an iPad cos all they wanna do is play on it. I can relate with a lot of urs lol x

  11. Reimer Ruby
    July 27, 2015 / 1:04 pm

    Oh its funny reading this post… I can totally relate to the bath thing, coz everytime my kids have bath they always expects me to join in. Thanks for sharing! #mummymonday

  12. July 27, 2015 / 3:51 pm

    I wish I'd never done so many things haha!!! At least you've got your practice in before baby num 2 though haha 🙂

    #mummymonday #maternitymondays

  13. Emmas Mamma
    July 27, 2015 / 5:25 pm

    Haha I've been starting to regret some of the things I do as well. Our latest one is smelling Emma's bum when she's had a poo and making a game out of it. She now goes around sniffing bums.. 😉 #mummymonday

  14. July 27, 2015 / 4:28 pm

    Well, if you've got to make mistakes raising children (and you DO, it's inevitable) these are pretty damn good mistakes to make. 😉 #mummymonday

  15. July 27, 2015 / 7:35 pm

    hahaha! We never learn though….With the 2nd one you just have a whole new list I wish I hadn't moments! lol I certainly did x

  16. July 28, 2015 / 6:37 am

    I love it! I had to giggle with the aching arm, I had this with stroking roscoes head. He's always seem so peaceful and then I'd stop and his eyes would snap open!

  17. July 28, 2015 / 7:44 pm

    Ugh we do it too, occassionally swear around Sophie I mean. She doesn't talk really yet, but we've gotten sooo much better at it now.

    One thing that I'm trying to break her out of the habit of is eating in her stroller. She will only eat there. Rain or shine…

    liz @ sundays with sophie

  18. July 29, 2015 / 6:18 am

    Lol, love this post! I guess we all do things we wish we hadn't! #bestandworst

  19. Jemma Chambers
    July 29, 2015 / 8:15 am

    So funny! I can definitely relate to some of those. Live it, learn it! We made different ones with no 2 though, so clearly didnt learn enough. Nice bum though; you show it off!! #bestandworst

  20. NewMummy Blogger
    July 29, 2015 / 9:12 am

    Oh dear, I am warned on so many of these! We've just got out of 3 months of me feeding baby to sleep, she screamed the house down if I didn't. I only started when she went through the 4 month regression… Hubby always gave her a bottle before then. But from your list there is so much more we're doing – week!! Thank you #bestandworst

  21. July 29, 2015 / 8:53 am

    Lol this is fab!I may have accidentally let slip a little "wanker" when someones cut me up and the kids may have repeated it to Daddy.Oops x #bestandworst

  22. Silly Mummy
    July 29, 2015 / 11:50 am

    Haha! Yes, there are always so many things you introduce and then remember how obsessed kids get with things, and question your decision! #bestandworst

  23. July 29, 2015 / 11:21 am

    Ooomph… all so spot on! We have a 16 months old who is refusing to talk (I know she knows how, there's a look in her eye that tells me!) and gets away with pointing and pouting to get anything and everything she wants. So much easier to go along with it than … not. Oh well. Thank goodness for wine eh?!
    Great post, thanks for hosting xx

  24. July 29, 2015 / 1:27 pm

    Oh no, we had a list too and the CBeebies App on my phone is right up there! And the dummy. I think Thea may still have hers when she starts school at this rate!! Becky x #bestandworst

  25. July 29, 2015 / 1:45 pm

    Those things that seem like a good idea at the time lol! You know the Gremlin is going to wait until you are somewhere quiet with lots of people and pick that moment to yell ~f**king bollocks" lmao. Thanks or hosting #bestandworst

  26. Janine Woods - Unhinged Mummy
    July 29, 2015 / 3:33 pm

    Oh dear. I'm guilty of being a bit of a potty mouth in front of my kids too. I really don't mean to it just slips out sometimes. And my three year old repeats EVERYTHING. Not good!

  27. Mama Owl
    July 29, 2015 / 5:05 pm

    Hahaha! Oh I can relate to this. We live and learn! Or we don't and repeat many of the same things with each child… *looks at my five… sighs*… #bestandworst

  28. Mary Smith
    July 29, 2015 / 5:12 pm

    Love it Sarah! The farting sitch??? HILARIOUS! I wish I had never started sticker charts lol x #bestandworst

  29. July 29, 2015 / 7:09 pm

    Oh yes. Sometimes the fallout is still worth it just for the benefit you got the first time. My husband practically encourages my daughter to fart, and they both think it's hilarious, so I have to be the fart police. Bah! #bestandworst

  30. Wander Mum
    July 29, 2015 / 8:51 pm

    Love this list. The farting IS rather funny -guilty! She thinks it's hilarious… Not sure that's going to end well. Same with the swearing… hubby is a nightmare.. We've had a few repeated back. Eek. Glad we're not alone. #bestandworst

  31. July 29, 2015 / 10:12 pm

    What's nice now that my girlies are older is that I *can* stop things, even if it take explaining why! #bestandworst

  32. Rob Carew
    July 30, 2015 / 2:30 am

    Great list of things. Mine is at least twice that length and I think it has gotten worse with each child we have. #BestandWorst

  33. Midnight Tuna
    July 30, 2015 / 9:19 am

    Number 2 is even worse as you totally knackered and not as strict – I keep saying I am going to send them off to a finishing school at 16 to undo all the bad habits allowed by me!

  34. July 30, 2015 / 8:49 am

    That's so true and so funny! Scary thing is there are so many in your list that resonate with me too! The stroking of the back in particular, it took me years to wean my girl off this one. Poor Number 2 never had the pleasure of a night time back rub – like you say, second time round you learn your lesson, well sort of!!

  35. July 31, 2015 / 8:55 am

    Oh I could write pages for this!! I have done the phone thing and I lie on sams bed before he goes to sleep which I now have to do every night! Argh! #bestandworst

  36. Domesticated Momster
    August 2, 2015 / 8:45 pm

    I am sure there are plenty of parents with the thoughts of "I wish I wouldn't have" I for one know that I have several things that I wish I hadn't started. Love the pic of you pole dancing … I love fun people! Thanks for hosting #bestandworst 😀