Anxiety is absolutely vile. I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person for my whole life. It’s not fully debilitating and I usually can function and leave the house but I feel awful when it rests it’s ugly head. Nauseous, no appetite, often tight chested and just generally on edge. I hate the way it really consumes you for a while and sometimes no matter what you do, it won’t go away.
It comes and goes for me. It’s not all the time which is good and I can usually recognise the signs of it. It’s easier to try and nip it in the bud if possible; I talk it through with family and friends, don’t give myself a hard time and practice relaxation techniques.
I have found a new weapon in my battle against the worry and that’s my kids. This may sound a little crazy; surely having to function, be a good Mum and role model would make my anxiety worse? Not the case at all. In fact the complete opposite. Let me explain myself.
I remember some of the things I have had to do in the past, things that did put me a little out of my comfort zone. Things that just made me feel a little on edge
I remember my first flight with the gremlin. I’m not a massive nervous flyer but I do get a tad jittery. Having the gremlin with me blew that out of the water. She was so calm, so nonchalant. She took it in her stride even as a baby. As she got older, she loved the take off more, asked questions and looked to me for the answers. Her relaxed nature and her looking up to me seemed to fuel me with what I needed to calm down a little.
I also remember having to take the train into the centre of Birmingham to register my late Grandma’s death. I had no clue where I was going and it wasn’t something I was looking forward to. Having my eldest as company chilled me out no end and made me smile. I found my way and used her as my reassurance. Well, I had to find it or the pair of us would have been lost!
It’s like the girls are my confidence boost. My almost therapy. My little mates. My company. I have to be calm for them. It’s also like I feed from their innocence. They haven’t got a clue about all the things out there that they could worry about. They are filled with joy and happiness. They don’t think about the what ifs.
Why worry about getting lost?
Why worry no one will talk to you when you attend an event or baby group?
Why worry about flying?
They know no different and that attitude helps me no end when I feel a little twitchy. Don’t get me wrong either. Its not about hiding behind them. It’s about standing by their side, getting out and being proud to do so. Feeding off their confidence where you can.
They see you are their heroine.
The one who can do anything.
The one they rely on and I use this to get through anything I worry about.