“Can I Have Your Scarf?”

“Can I Have Your Scarf?”

“Can I have your scarf?”

This is what my gremlin asked me when she realised I was going away with work for a couple of nights with work this weekend. I knew she wanted it because it smells of me. She sometimes sleeps with my scarf, PJ top or some item that smells of me. It’s very cute and I secretly love it but I didn’t love the, “I don’t want you to gos….” and floods of tears last week, begging me not to go.

For me it’s going to be my first trip away from both my girls; my first solo flight since I went to Lyon with work in 2015. I have to admit I’m apprehensive of going and leaving them.

I’ve spoken before about how maternity leave both times, more on the first  shoved a massive dent in my confidence. You get into a familiar bubble, a routine, a definite comfort zone and it’s hard to get back “out there”. Even though I’m back at work now, settled and in a routine again, moving out of that can make me feel uneasy. A day trip, hubby being away and now a trip to Amsterdam where I will be away for 2 nights!!

For the gremlin she is now really old enough to know I will be gone and will miss me and I know I’m really going to miss them. A break is lovely. A quiet hotel room is lovely, adult company, good food and learning will be awesome but it doesn’t take away the nerves of going away and leaving them both.

It will be too quiet. I will have no one stealing my food, pooping in the bath with me (yes this did happen last week) and no one talking at me 24/7.

I never wanted to be one of those Mums who would feel the wrench so hard. One who would be so settled in my PJs at 7pm, blogging on my laptop but it happens. Things don’t turn out the way you think they will do. You end up going back on everything when you have kids. You do become soppy, emotional and do end up worrying over the slightest thing. I think it’s called parenthood.

I know deep down I’ll have a good time if all goes to plan. I’ll be learning new stuff and I do love Amsterdam but I will be thinking about my eldest snuggling up to my scarf as she goes to sleep, smelling my smell.

And I’ll be missing them both.

You can read a bit more about what happened to my confidence here.

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13 Comments

  1. March 21, 2018 / 6:57 am

    How lovely to ask for your scarf. I hope that you are able to mix work with pleasure whilst away. No doubt you will be home before you know it in your pj’s and back to normal routine #bloggersbest

  2. March 21, 2018 / 7:43 am

    Children are so intuitive and sometimes just know what they need don’t they? How lovely. Going back to work and then going away for a few days will always be tough but you know that they will be ok and perhaps, it will be fun? Good luck though. Your girls are like clones of you and your partner….lovely! #bloggersbest

  3. March 21, 2018 / 10:10 am

    Awww that is so cute but I think its is leaving the child and teach them independence. X #bloggersbest

  4. March 21, 2018 / 12:00 pm

    That’s so lovely. The Tubblet used to do the same when she was the same age. Have a wonderful time in Amsterdam and an equally wonderful home-coming 🙂
    Tubbs recently posted…Love the Things You Own and Spend LessMy Profile

  5. March 21, 2018 / 7:57 pm

    Aw, that’s too sweet your daughter has an item of yours that smells like you when you’re gone. I’m sure the trip will be a lot of fun, and your kids will be extra happy when you get home. 🙂 #bloggersbest

    -Lauren
    ShootingStarsMag recently posted…Author Event Recap: Mackenzi LeeMy Profile

  6. March 21, 2018 / 9:30 pm

    Ahhh bless her, such a cutie. I would be the same as you, anxious but enjoy a little bit of peace. Always feels a bit weird leaving the kids doesn’t it. #BloggersBests
    Helen Gandy recently posted…Blogger’s Best LinkyMy Profile

  7. March 23, 2018 / 11:09 am

    I work from home so haven’t spent much time away from the children at all. Last year I went away for a night to go to Blog On Xmas and I missed them terribly. Going again in May and hope to not have so much mum guillt this time! #bloggersbest
    Musings of a tired mummy…zzz… recently posted…Finding the perfect fit with HunkemollerMy Profile

  8. March 23, 2018 / 11:11 am

    I work from home so haven’t spent much time away from the children at all. Last year I went away for a night to go to Blog On Xmas and I missed them terribly. Going again in May and hope to not have so much mum guilt this time! #bloggersbest

  9. March 24, 2018 / 8:15 pm

    I think it’s great she wants something of yours to cling onto whilst you’re away. I know how hard it is to be away from them. Great post.
    #bloggersBest
    David – Tales of Two Children recently posted…Body Branding my FeetMy Profile

  10. March 25, 2018 / 6:52 pm

    AAhh bless you all, it can be so tough leaving them, my boys are the same when I have to go anywhere. There is something amazing about it too though and I love that they care so much. It’s good to be loved:)
    Mainy
    #bloggersbest
    mainy recently posted…Fairy PoolsMy Profile