Firstly, don’t go all mad at me reading this blog post title. I’m not advocating having a favourite child here, not at all. I’m not going to have my kids appearing on Jeremy Kyle in years to come, chastising me for favouritism (I hope).
Now that is out of the way…
I was having one of those gushy parent moments round my neighbour’s house getting my nails done last week. I was going on about how much I loved little Piglet at the moment; how well she was sleeping, how laid back, how smiley she was…blah blah, the usual vomity parent pride. You know when you have one of those moments, where you actually hear yourself speaking and realise what you are saying? I obviously visibly stopped myself from continuing and my neighbour stared at me and clearly said, “It’s ok, Sarah. You can like one of your children more for a period of time! Doesn’t mean you love either any less than the other.”
I think I laughed at loud and guiltily admitted, she was right.
I always remember as a kid asking my Mum who she loved more out of me and my brother (what a cow I was). She always replied saying she loved us both the same. I tried wheedling a bit but was never given an inch. Now and then if I was being a real little **** I’d get the “I love you but I don’t like you right now” remarks but that was it.
I pondered over what my friend had said and was pretty relieved. Deep down there must be times when one of your kids is driving you absolutely bonkers and the other, possibly deliberately, is being an absolute angel? You want to put one up for sale on eBay and smother the other in kisses? Please say this isn’t just me?
I get it loads. Piglet is happily bouncing around in the Jumparoo, whilst her sister is either jumping all over me or swinging the Jumparoo so much, I’m surprised Piglet doesn’t have a concussion. Or I’ve quickly got Piglet dressed whilst I’ve asked her sister 10 billion times to get her clothes on, whilst she is naked playing Barbie on the landing. Those are the times where I’m reaching for the laptop and Googling charity shops that take 3 year olds.
Don’t get me wrong the boot can be on the other foot. The gremlin is sleeping soundly and I’m just reaching for my first sip of Sauv Blanc when Piglet wakes up demanding a 40 minute breast feed. I think I like the gremlin a little more then.
It’s normal. It’s natural. I love those two beans so much, I could pop but sometimes I really don’t like them the same amount.
It’s just another one of those things that screws with your head as a parent. Another thing to feel insanely guilty over. I mean who prefers one kid over the OTHER? But you’re obviously going to have slightly warmer feelings, even if momentary for the child who tells you she loves you, over the sibling who has just done a poonami and needs another sodding bath.
So don’t feel guilty if you get those fleeting feelings; those comparison thought that go through your head now and then.
Just look at them having fun together and you know you always love your kids just as much as each other. At least for 5 minutes…
aww you will always love them as much as each other but those days when one is driving you mad and one is being an angel raises the issue of like not love – love always but maybe dislike certain behaviour – we are only human! #MarvMondays
Totally relate to this. I love them both but when the baby won’t stop crying I love the toddler because at least he can say what’s wrong, but again when the toddler isn’t listening when I need him to get dressed in wish he was as easy as his sister.
As someone currently trying for #2 this is really reassuring to read! I’ve been worried about feelings like this, but it’s good to know that it’s normal. #MarvMondays
I’m one of 3 girls and I’m sure my parents liked some of us more than others at times. And obviously I’m totally the favourite daughter nowadays hehe!! xx #maternitymondays
I think this is totally on point! I usually have these days when my littlest one has slept and smiled all day and the 5 yr old one comes home from school tired and grumpy, he usually has a full hour tantrum because he doesn’t want a bath, yet his sisters in it splashing away and laughing at the bubbles tickling her face!
Ohh I get this. I love both my boys but there are definitely some days when I prefer one to the other. I think you’re right and it’s totally normal, does that stop you feeling guilty about it though hey xx #maternitymondays
I am convinced my two use to plan in advance which one was going to play good child and which bad child on any one day. They were never both good (in sure they were but you know) and never both bad, so yeah I had plenty of time when I loved one and could have happily sold the other
I am so with you on this, my favouritism chops and changes by the minute some days haha 🙂 xx
Oh I have this all the time, for example last night. Alfie good back, Elarna not lol. It swings in roundabouts haha! #marvmondays
Back from #bestandworst
I think it is swings and roundabouts. I got on so well with my eldest over Christmas but the same can’t be said when her baby brother was born. I think it is self preservation when you have a new baby so that you can get up in the night and give them your full attention. Goodness knows how I’m going to go on with thee 🙁 Thanks for linking up, it is lovely to see you. MaternityMondays
This post really did make me smile, I am a proud mummy of 2 beautiful little girls whom which I adore. However I don’t think it has anything to do with love or preferring one more or less, just usually with 2+children one tends to annoy you more than the other now and again. We are humans, doing our absolute best to teach, love and tend to other tiny humans. 🙂
You are so, so right about this! I am one of 7 kids and my mum regularly admits when one of us is not as popular as the others! It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love us though. #MaternityMondays
I totally like one more than the other at times but love them both with all my heart. They’re both just knobs at times so the other is preferrable!! My mum always used to say that to me too!! #bestandworst
Aw so true. They will always be loved equally but sometimes they really do have their moments don’t they?!
As I only have one I can’t relate to this but it makes total sense to me. Of course it’s natural and my Mum used to spin me the line “I love you but I don’t like you very much at the moment”. Given half the chance she’d probably say it now to be fair! #bestandworst
I completely understand this! I find that when one of mine is being an absolute superstar, the other is being a complete pain – then within a few hours it will see saw and go the other way. They are rarely great at the same time, but on the plus side they are rarely a nightmare at the same time too! #bestandworst
My mum’s phrase to me and my sister was ‘I hate you both equally’ (joking obviously) when we went on about preferential treatment. My older 2 take it in turns to be naughty/unreasonable/generally annoying: they play good cop, bad cop with me!
Yes!! This!! I often joke that there are days when I just choose the best one, take them out and leave the others at home. Obviously I don’t do that, but I definitely have days when I like one of my children more, or one of them less. It’s so much easier to like a child who is well behaved and kind and loving, as opposed to the one who is screaming on the floor and kicking you in the face. But I LOVE all of my children equally, and I think that’s the main thing isn’t it?? #bestandworst
There will be times when we like people more or less – even when we gave birth to them! Just because they’re being really annoying or lovely right now. #bestandworst
To this day, my middle sister and I are constantly on at my mother about which of us is the favorite (while the baby sits there with a smile knowing she’s the favorite.) Haha. And like your’s “I love you all the same”.
I only had one child so she’s pretty spoiled in that department. She struggles sometimes when her cousins come around and she has to share her mom. She will ask, “You love me most right Mom?”
Obviously I love my son unconditionally, there are days I like him more than others though. If I’m honest there are days I don’t like him much at all! So I’m sure it’s the same when you’ve got two, if not worse! #bestandworst
Now just having the one child, I kind of get out of this. But I have wondered what it will be like when we do have another child, will I love them more at certain times in comparison. But I am definitely my dads favourite! And my brother and sister are my mum’s without a doubt! haha My mum and I clash a lot because we are both stubborn and so alike! #BestAndWorst
As children grow up you sometimes find you get along with some more than others as friends but as for love, you love them all just the same. #bestandworst
Ha! I remember asking my mom who she linked more as a child. But it’s true. You love them all the same, just differently.
Ah I totally get this! I don’t personally feel it but I get that people do!
I still ask Mum who she loves more out of my brother and I (its so me, haha) and she says the same ‘both’. But like you she probably had moments when she could have smothered one in kisses and throttled the other.
Its the same with one child… one moment you are in work thinking ‘ahh I wonder what Little Monkey is doing now, I miss him’… then you get him from nursery and he won’t get in the car. And suddenly you miss work, haha.
Great post as always – I bet kids are just the same with us parents x
When I think about having a second, these are the fears that make me pause and give it thought. I’m sure it’s completely natural to have these feelings. How could any rational person not? But I think parents have to hide these thoughts. I don’t know if I could do that. I’m still on the fence. #bestandworst
We just have the one, but it’s refreshing to read and that this is totally normal if we did ever have two!! E x #bestandworst
I think if you do ever had a favourite kid, its fine as long as you keep it to yourself and dont tell either of them.
I can definitely relate to this, and my two switch places at the flick of a switch!
I totally agree with this Sarah. In my house there is always one being well behaved and another being awful – generally the littlest hasn’t cottoned on to this yet! They always ask me who my favourite is and I always say I love them all the time. The other day Izzie said ‘I bet I know who isn’t your favourite – OLLIE!’ I laughed so much xx #bestandworst
Hahaha! You are The Only One. JUST KIDDING! I have often said that yes, I *do* have a favorite, almost always. But that can change by the hour!
I love it – “Another thing to feel guilty about!” – as if there isn’t enough! I can’t comment really only having the one, but I can see why it happens and can see it’s perfectly normal. As is everything else we do as parents. #bestandworst
Ah they all have their moments that’s for sure. #bestandworst
I agree – it is totally natural! My favourite child is the one that is being well behaved – so it changes hourly ha ha! 🙂 x
This is an interesting subject and one I’ve honestly never thought about…ask me when number three arrives though and I might have a definitive response!! #bestandworst