I read THAT article in the Daily Mail about the rise in Slummy Mummys a while back and I read a few responses to it too. It was amazing the support that was offered and the parenting blogging community really did come together in unison. #solidaritea
But like most things, it got me thinking.
The Slummy Mummy.
Is there sometimes more pressure to be one? Is there more pressure to let yourself go a bit, have a messy house and sod all the washing. I’m not saying we are encouraged to do the school run in PJs but there seems to be a rise in not giving a general crap and making light of it.
“Don’t worry about your house, you’ve got kids, it will always be a mess!”
“Don’t bother putting make-up on for the school run, who cares?”
These are the sort of things splashed all over social media and women are now proud to, in the words of Elsa, let is gooooooo! I’m not criticising this either. There is monumental pressure on Mums to have it all and to be “Yummy Mummies” and a bit of slack on this is great and refreshing.
However, I do think the tables are slowly turning and more pressure to not really care as much. There is also a lot of talk about mindfulness, savouring every moment with your kids and a lot of this includes stuffing the chores.
Sometimes, as I put some make-up on in the morning, I stare at myself thinking, who am I really doing this for? Who really care if I am made up? The girls obviously don’t. Maybe I should go a week without makeup? Maybe I should just not bother with any decent clothes. Does anyone care?
But you know what? I just can’t DO IT!
I see a meme like this:
And I just think noooooo. No they are not. They are generally trashing the place and no amount of mindfulness quotes or advice is going to make me leave it until I’ve lost my youngest, buried under the mess. I don’t give a crap if my mate’s house is a tip, don’t get me wrong but I don’t like dirty toilets or filth around in mine. In the same breath, I’m not obsessed but not cool enough to let it stay a complete mess overnight. It just makes me cross, unsettled and I can’t relax until it’s generally respectable. I tend to have a potter when the kids are chilling after 4pm or after tea.
I sometimes have a day off make-up when I’m not going anywhere and you know what? I look rough; pale and no eyes. I know I shouldn’t care and to an extent I don’t. I’ll quite happily do my Instagram stories with no make-up sweaty post gym and in bad light. However, for going out and about, I do like a bit of slap and I do like to care about my appearance.
This article isn’t me trying to get a smug slap in the face, it’s just me being honest. And no I’m not talking newborn days here, hell, you can wear a bin liner on those days; they are a blur! Compared to my fussy Mum, I’m probably a Slummy Mummy (I jest) but really I just can’t do it. I don’t want to be lying in a pile of filth, looking a mess, watching the clock tick around until I can crack open the wine.
I want to make memories with my girls, savour them and love them to death but I want to look good and have a tidy house.
Can anyone relate or is this the same as asking for the moon on a stick?
Well said! I didn’t realise a 4pm tidy up was a thing other people might do too! I hate having a messy house once H is in bed, and admit to coming down after putting her to bed and re-tidying hubby’s tidying. Your mum sounds similar to mine X
Haha it’s also TV time in my house. It’s just nice to have some order and things look nice, even for a short time x
I’m so with you here! I can’t leave the house without a tiny bit of makeup as I don’t feel great about myself. I can’t leave my house in a total tip. I’m not saying it’s really clean and perfect but I have to make a slight effort to tidy up. I can’t drink more than one glass of wine or I’d fall over! So yes I’m not a yummy but definitely not a slummy either! Great post! #blogcrush
Thanks lovely!! Glad to know I’m not alone x
Thanks Rach 😉 That’s compliment from you x
Maybe it’s best to accept that people have very individual ways of “cherishing every moment”. For the author of that Daily Mail “article” it obviously includes working on your children’s CVs from birth among other things. Personally I think, when someone puts a positive spin on a day that didn’t go so great with the kids and writes a funny blog about it – that’s the kind of cherishing every moment that I can relate to. I certainly don’t think it is fair to say that is someone boasting about being a slummy mummy.
Oh yes course. I enjoy those blog posts too; they make me giggle. I just think the term “slummy mummy” is something, even though I try to chill out about the house sometimes (!), I just can’t be. All very tongue in cheek mind. Thanks for the comment x
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with aspiring to tidiness and beauty as long as you don’t beat yourself up if you don’t always achieve it. I’d love to have a clean house – it rarely happens, but when it does, I feel good about it. I don’t wear much make-up, though – I’m definitely more on the slummy side. #blogcrush
Totally! I do try sometimes not to care. Tough though. Thanks for the comment hun x
You hit the nail on the head for me too! I let it go to certain extent, the toys are now longer cleaned up and put away until after bed but the general cleanliness of the house is kept on top of all the time. I’ve done the school run twice this year without make up and they have been days where I have just been too tired.
Omg yes!!!! This whole ‘ain’t no-one got time for that’ attitude is awful. Yes my house is clean and tidy, yes I blog, yes I work, yes I have a 5 year old, yes I manage to wash my hair and put on make-up! I also suffer from anxiety and bone marrow disease. Just because you’re a mum it doesn’t mean you have to be slummy! Would totally stress me out! Thanks for writing this xx
Well you know what I’m like with regards to make up. I wear it because I like to but also like to apply it 🙂 I also try and keep the house clean and tidy but good god it’s hard with 2 kids, I do care though, I’d hate someone to visit a dirty house! Great post #blogcrush
I hate people telling me I can’t have a tidy house because I have a toddler. It just feeds into my other half’s conviction that I’m causing unnecessary stress and being unreasonable. My house usually is a mess, but it’s always fresh mess if that makes sense. The toys that are over the floor haven’t been there for more than half a day, the pots in the kitchen are never older than that day’s breakfast, I do at least one load of laundry a day. It’s a constant battle. I probably look like (or indeed am!) a slummy mummy (never wear makeup, more often that not have talc in my hair as it’s greasy and I’ve not had time to wash it, usually have whatever Joshua has been eating smeared over me, house is a tip), but it’s not because I’ve ‘let it go’ or don’t care, it’s that I’ve not learned to juggle everything, and I don’t think I ever will. It makes me question if I’m a capable mother, and is literally ruining parenthood for me. If I’m out doing things with Joshua, I feel guilty I’m not doing the chores, if I’m doing the chores, I feel guilty I’m neglecting Joshua. As it stands, I spend his nap and a few hours after he’s gone to bed trying to keep on top of the chaos, but given he often isn’t settled for the night until midnight, it’s exhausting. I really wish I could not care, but I do.
This is exactly it hun and where I am coming from. I feel sometimes we are pressured to stuff everything and just focus on the moments with the kids. I’m like you, I wish I could just leave it for a few days and not care but I can’t. I feel uncomfy with it too. I’m not as fussed with make-up etc but the house I do like to keep clean. Thanks for the comment x
one of the best things I ever bought was a dishwasher and three complete matching dinner plate sets – and the kids earn a pound each if they unload it and put the plates away. A couple of blokes who live near by cut the lawn and do a general tidy of the garden every fortnight for a tenner and I’ve just interviewed a cleaner who will come for two hours twice a week to do a deep clean of the bathroom and kitchen and steam the floors. I used to send all the work and school shirts out to be ironed, but now pay my teenage cousin 50p per shirt she irons. In total this all costs me about about an extra fifty odd quid a month – but it saved my sanity and freed up hours every week where I can do fun stuff with the kids instead – plus I don’t have to clean the toilet anymore.
A to the MEN. I get it. Why suddenly when we produce offspring are we expected to stack up on Sweaty Betty and abandon simple standards of grooming and smart dressing in a pledge of solidarity to the sisterhood of mothers? Being a ‘Slummy’ is just as affected and as being a ‘Yummy’, with almost as much pressure. It’s cool and trendy to celebrate the effort made in not making an effort, and frankly, it’s just not me. I like my clothes, make up, heels, tidy toys and the glorious sterile scent of bleach in my loos. Not giving a damn? It’s just too much hard work.
Thanks you SO MUCH for this comment. It is lovely to read this and someone who has read the post properly and “gets it”. I think you have hit the nail right on the head x
LOL! I like a relatively tidy house and clean but not so people can’t feel comfortable. My makeup definitely not for my husband or son but I know, it means I am ready and I will be able to handle anything. when my son was little he was in hospital a lot and had loads of operations. I always made sure I had make-up on as it helped me convince myself I was in control and everything would be OK. (thankfully it was!). I felt like a shallow fool at the time but the nurses said they had seen this loads of times and if it meant I could deal with what was going on.. Anyway I digress. I am probably a mixture of slummy/tidy maniac!
haha thanks for the comment. I like tidy too and I think the war paint does help with confidence! I think I’m glad to know many of you think the same. Think I need to chill a bit though 🙂
I get both sides of this. I like having a clean house, but honestly, with kids and dogs and cats and me working from home it’s never going to be spotless. Come 4pm a tidy up is the last thing on my mind – I’d rather take the kids to the park or go for a run with the dogs. Over the years I’ve gotten accustomed to the clutter of life in our house – but I have two hard and fast rules – no glitter and no stickers – there aren’t enough hours in my life to spend them trying to vacuum glitter out of deep pile rugs. I rarely wear make up, but I’m fully dressed by 6am every morning – unlike the majority of the mums at our school who think nothing of racking up in their pyjamas to drop off or collect their little ones – that’s just a step too far for me personally, but kudos to them for not giving a toss lol.
OMG YES!! Everytime I see posts about it’s OK to be messy I feel ashamed that our house isn’t! That I tidy up after a play session, always have, that we have storage boxes for toys, that the lounge is a temporary play zone and come the evening all toys are packed away to bedrooms. It’s only now I have a teen that one room is a mess (teen bedrooms eh!) but the rest of the house is still tidy – and a lot of that is down to the fact that my husband is a SAHD who says (don’t tell anyone) that there is time to parent, and clean, and have a tidy house if you plan your day. Thanks for this post!
I think it’s all about balance. It’s good that society is beginning to relax the pressure on mums a bit but at the same time, I don’t like the idea of slummy mummies at all – we still have responsibilities for our kids and we need to teach them how to function in real life with standards and certain expectations. It’s about finding the balance. And I always like a bit of slap on too!
Also, someone else obviously agrees with you too because this post was added to the #blogcrush linky. Feel free to grab your “I was featured” blog badge #blogcrush