Parents are annoying.
I’ve been thinking this week. Before I had children, people with children quite bluntly did my head in. You have procreated. Big deal. I vowed when I had children I would never be so boringly annoying. So what happened? I had a child and have become boringly annoying. Since starting blogging this has intensified times 1 million.
So, to my child-free readers. I’m an irritating parent and these are the 10 reasons why:
1) Social media. It’s the classic one. Pictures of my darling’s first steps, first meal, first crap. They are all up there. Statuses discussing the aforementioned mile stones. Detailed descriptions of her puke, her first rude word. Nothing else but my child on my wall. It’s enough to make anyone press the unfollow button.
2) I talk about her too much. Somehow a discussion about a holiday in Thailand with a hilarious language barrier can be turned into a discussion about my child’s mumbo jumbo speech and her pronunciation of the word “banana”.
3) I’m on a night out and it gets to 9.30pm. I’m looking at my watch and twitching. Well it’s almost bed time now and I’m only going to get 7 hours sleep, maybe less. Time to call a taxi. Not a good move on your best mate’s hen do.
4) No-one without children is ever allowed to be tired. Of course not! Pulling an all-nighter at work because of a stressful project can never be as tiring as having a baby. Never. And I will make sure you know it
5) Alcohol? Forget it. I have to get up at 6am to deal with my toddler. And I’ll make sure I repeat this about 10 times throughout the night as I sip my Diet Coke. Then there will be a smug Facebook status update tomorrow (at 6am) bragging about how clear my head is.
6) That’s if I can ever get out! Getting a babysitter if the Grandparents are not around is a nightmare. Then there is the possibility of the little darling being snotty/coughing or vomiting just as I am about to leave and the cancellation text you will receive, just as you arrive at the restaurant.
7) Making a massive deal about the smallest things. I had a meal at Nandos. I painted my toenails. I had a wee alone. Well, these are about as likely occurrence as my hubby hanging up his clothes since I had a child, so the world NEEDS to know about it.
8) Getting into the things ours little ones are into. Peppa flaming Pig and my true favourite, Frozen. In reality this is because we won’t be going to the cinema for the next 10 years to see an adult film and what the heck is wrong with my Olaf jumper and my “Let it Go” renditions on my Facebook wall?
9) We have our own special car parking spaces really nice and close to the shop. Sorry. Can see this one is annoying but wouldn’t you prefer this to my daughter slamming the door of my mummy wagon Nissan Qashqai into your lovely BMW?
10) My inability to have a normal conversation with you when my darling is around. At best you will have 50% of my attention. On a bad day it’s 25%. I’m really interested in what your boss said to you in that meeting, I promise but I just need to stop my daughter eating your goldfish first.
I’m sorry. I’m a parent. It happened. I also promise to try really hard to stop saying, “wait until you have children…..”
Haha, yes, it's inevitable, this comes to all parents x #Wotw
Ha, love this, it's soooo true!
I was very intrigued by your word and the post didn't disappoint 🙂
Had to admit chortling at number 9. I was exactly the same pre kids. If I saw a child in a restaurant later than 8 pm I'd be muttering about it being far too late. Now I'm "it's brilliant they're teaching kids to socialise". #binkylinky
hahaha! This is brilliant and oh so true x
Yep, so true, every single one of these! But unless you have children it is impossible to really 'get it' isn't it 🙂
Haha, ohhh yes I agree with you with everything!!!
Helen – #WotW
haha! so so true! I can relate to most of these 😉 x
Oh yes, we all fall into the trap! Fun post, thanks for sharing with #WotW x
Lol, I love this – so very true. We all do it and I just take the attitude that if my friends are bored with my FB status updates about my children, they can just remove them from their newsfeed. No. 4 particularly made me laugh – I used to get annoyed with people telling me I didn't know what tired was before I had children and now I do the same!
Very good. I love number 4 – I'm guilty! #BinkyLinky
I am certainly guilty of the – how can they be so tired one, although I would never say it to anyone.
This is like describing me! My priority really changed (and me too) when I became a mother and somehow I am liking the changes. =) #wotw
Lol, I love this! And as for social media, its your page, post whatever you want to #binkylinky
LOL!!!!! Oh I how can relate! especially the bit about trying to have a conversation!
Even people who swore they'd never be baby bore end up being one at some point with their first, I'd think there was something wrong with the mum if they weren't totally smitten by their little darling. I used to quite enjoy Peppa too, but after five years had had enough of her 😉 #wotw
Brilliant!!!! I am every one of these!!! This is what you should read when pregnant so you know whats really to come!!! xxxx
Haha this is brilliant! Absolutely love it and it's soo true!! X
Haha yes! Is it bad that I always smile when I see the badge on people's pages and then think "ooo that's one less to read later…Don't forget to add #bigfatlinky so it looks like you did it in purpose" 😉
Haha best to just embrace it and laugh it up 🙂 #binkylinky
Haha I love this! This happens to all of us with kids 🙂 x #WotW
This is so true! I talk about my children all the time to friends and colleagues who don't have children. I know it annoys them, but I keep saying, like you, wait until you have children! Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
WELL, this is alarmingly accurate!!
#10 goldfish – true story? 😛
Really funny, loved this one. Good job! 😀 Ray xx #bigfatlinky
This parent land funny lovely post enjoyed the read thanks for linking to the Binkylinky