The biggest learning curve you will ever go on. There’s so many ways of doing it, so many guidelines and supposed right ways of bringing up your kids. It’s all rubbish. There’s no right way and we all do what’s best for our kids in our own way.
I’ve been a mum for 4 years now and over that crazy, wonderful time I’ve seen endless amounts of parental judgement and social media battles over the right path through parenthood.
Breast vs bottle. Weaning timings, co sleeping, dummy vs not! In fact pretty much every decision you have to make as a parent.
The thing is unless we are saints or very non-judgemental people (yes I do know a few), we all judge. Sometimes we just can’t help it. I bet you’re reading this and at some point witnessed something within another family and a thought flashed into your mind before you could even stop it: I wouldn’t EVER do that. That’s wrong. What are they even thinking?
I’ve done it soooo many times and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s such a bad thing really. We are all human. We are set in our own ways and traditions. Judgement gets a bad rap a lot but it’s not going to stop.
There’s nothing wrong with a thought. A wise person once said to me, ‘thoughts aren’t facts’. It’s a fleeting moment and quite often passes and you’ve forgotten. It’s not nice to judge but I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much. The main thing is you don’t verbalise or act on it.
Now THIS is my issue.
A thought, a quick internal judgement is just that. Internal. No one has to know and no one is hurt. That’s fine. But verbalising your thoughts, or more so typing them out all over social media is what gets me mad.
I’ve experienced this and the kindness of no judgement over social media recently.
I posted an article about letting kids eat a snack or drink in a supermarket before paying, on social media a couple of weeks back. I wasn’t fussed about this issue, as my mum was fine about it and I understood we always paid. The opinions on this post were divided and most people were happy to state their opinion and leave it. However one commentator in particular, was relentless and determined to judge my opinion and criticise my parenting skills and decisions. I was fuming. I let her have her opinion which was of course fine but the comments were taken too far. I had to calmly put an end to it.
It’s just not needed. I love a debate and of course don’t mind when people do not agree with me. However, when it gets personal over social media, it’s not nice. Would that person have said the things about me and my girls to my face? I think not.
It left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth but about a week later the gremlin had an accident and fell off her scooter without a helmet. I asked the question to the social media world: do other parents make their kids wear helmets with scooters? I was met with a resounding yes by pretty much everyone. I expected some judgemental comments here. I know I had screwed up but I got none. Just support and kind opinions. It was a lovely experience. Of course some of the commentators will have judged me but they didn’t write it and they weren’t nasty.
This is what the parenting world should be like. Judging happens. Of course it does but as long as thoughts are kept as thoughts and opinions don’t lead to horrible criticisms, I think we would all be a lot happier.
Sometimes we all just need to agree to disagree and move on.
What are your thoughts?
You’re so right. We can all have opinions and still be respectful to one another. There’s no need for nastiness as there’s nothing to gain from this. Great post.
There will always be a split in opinions and I’m sure a lot of the pekple who profess to give a particular opinion can’t say they 100% always do that. I’m sure we’ve all folded and opened some biscuits going round Tesco and Ella’s never worn a helmet on her scooter- she doesn’t scoot fast, it’s on the pavement and I’m not sure she’s ever fallen off. So phone social services!!! Ignore the negative and pretending to be perfect mums! You’re a flipping fab mum. #bloggersbest
MY mom used to tell me that not every thought I had needed to be said aloud. I use that advice every day of my life! #BloggersBest
There is always two camps to any argument, with us living in the digital age it’s give people more oppportunity to judge others and make comments known. Sometimes I wish it could be that simple and agree to disagree but some people can’t see that. I remember uploading a post about a mother breastfeeding her six year old and the amount of awful comments that I had to delete was crazy. If it’s not what you agree with, then ok, that’s completely your right, don’t be a dick about it! Simples.
Whilst I think that if we publish our thoughts, experiences and lives on social media we need to expect that will entice comment from others, there is a way of going about it. We don’t need to be judgmental arseholes. Also, if you’re going to judge then make sure your household is absolutely perfect first! #bloggersbest
Hi, it is good to have a debate and be honest, but criticism is not not necessary and don’t be judgemental, well thats just what I think anyway #bloggersbest
I always say you can call yourself a true blogger when you attract a troll (haha). This is the reason I hate parenting forums, people can be very judgemental and women, in particular, are horrible to each other. You know you are a great Mum and we wouldn’t be good parents if we didn’t make mistakes to learn from on the way x #bloggersbest x
Debate is good but some people do get really personal with their opinions to the point where it’s just being horrible and judgy. It can wear you down, everyone can seem so angry sometimes! People need to learn to chill out a bit.
Everyone has an opinion, in and off line. You just have to go with what feels right, or you will end up lost. That is the biggest lesson I have learnt regarding parenting X #bloggersbest
I couldn’t agree more Sarah. As you say, it’s fine for us all to have an opinion, but sometimes we just need to keep it to ourselves. Personally I’m not sure there’s any right or wrong way when it comes to parenting – especially since every child is different and what works for one doesn’t always work for another. xx #bloggersbest
I remember that post – we will have to agree to disagree as I hate it when people eat before paying in shops!! On the plus side, with the person who wouldn’t let it go, your writing obviously aroused emotion which can only be a good thing right?! #bloggersbest
Parents are only human, doing the best they can. Different doesn’t mean wrong. #bloggersbest
Can I use your blog post on Parent judgement for a course I am teaching on the subject?
Hi, yes that should be ok. Will it just be for reference?