Parenting is grim. Parenting grossness is something we come across on a daily basis! It’s a good job we love these little monsters (or gremlins in my case) as it’s enough to make you vom or scream on a daily basis. It’s certainly enough to make a list.
I never thought I would be subjected to so many minging things as a Mum but oh wow, yes you are. The thing is you. tolerate them all too!
Here is my A-Z of Parenting Grossness, writing after having my eldest daughter back in 2015:
A is for arse. Pooey, weey, trumpy, someone has to clean them.
B is for bottles. Not the lovely milk-filled clean kind. The ones you find under your car seat that have been there a week in 20 degree summer heat. Lumpy milk filled bottles are lush to clean out.
C is for coughing. In my face. With sputum.
D is for dummies. It could land in dog poop and my daughter will pick it up and put it back in her mouth.
E is for ear-wax. When I notice how dirty my child’s ears are and think I can’t use a cotton bud so what else?
F is for farts. Sausage farts being the worst but I’m sure they can smell worse than my husband’s.
G is for glue. On my top. On my table. On my wall.
H is Heuwwwww – S**t yes, my child has just puked.
I is for insects. It could be a flea and I have to remove it as it is obviously going to eat my daughters.
J is for Jumparoo. That blasted thing took up half my lounge.
K if for kicking. Usually my face in anger.
L is for licking. My face, my nose, my ear. I love slobber.
M is for midnight. I’ve been woken up again and I’ve been taken right of out my REM sleep so I’m going to feel even worse tomorrow.
N is for nose. The producer of the most disgusting slime. It dries. It gets on my clothes. And the bonus prize is the cold awaiting in it that will get me in the next few days.
O is for oblivious – left the house with nappies. Forget the wellies. Forgot the hat.
P is for Peppa Pig. Anyone else want to BBQ that pig?
Q is for Quack Quack (insert name of stinky blanket toy here).
R is for Romance = a quicky on the sofa.
S is for Sarah. Who is that? All is hear is “Mummy!!!!”
T is for timeout. The frequent ones that I have to take.
U is for underwear. She always puts my ones for the wash on her head.
V is for vajayjay – potentially wrecked for life.
W is for wee wee. I can cope when it’s in nappies but when on my bed during potty training. Not so much.
Y is for yoghurt – the new food group.
Z is for zit. The one I really want to pop on my daughter’s bum.
I’d love to see your versions of parenting grossness.
Disclaimer – I love my daughter to the moon and back. This was written after a day in the house, slowly going insane!
This is fantastic. I have a feeling you love Peppa Pig in the same way I ‘loved’Barney the big friggin Dinosaur when my eldest was growing up (just to be clear, I hated that dinosaur, he was creapy).
OOOOh Barney! That soppy song at the end? Drives me mad too now. Thanks lots x
Comming back from #bestandworst still giggling at your list xx
Thanks Tracey! x
Thanks Tracey x
Genius! Great job on “Q” I wondered how you’d cover that one, but hurrah the “stinky blanket” saves the day! 🙂 What is it with kid’s ears? My two could cultivate crops in theirs!? (and why do we always notice at the most inappropriate moment – like just as the Mother In Law picks them up, or mid way through a Health Visitor appointment? Gah!!) Brilliant post as always. #fartglitter xx
Cheers hun! I know just wrote the Quack Quack post!! I noticed my girl’s ear just as my Mum was having her!! x Thanks so much x
Haha love it, such a fab list! Although I am left thinking poor Peppa pig!
Great to hear Gemma! I know I was feeling mean…poor Peppa x
Bahahaha love this! Sharing out on Twitter now….#FartGlitter
Thanks Talya! x
Fab list and a great photo at the top – why do toddlers love shiny shop floors so much? #fartgliter
Hehe my girl is a total nutter x
Oh Sarah this really made me laugh! I particularly laughed at R!!!
I remember the days feeling like this. I hope things are looking up.
Thanks Morgan! Glad I made you smile x
Oh dear I have a licker too. We lost our R ages ago! I don’t know how you got to z.. Well done! #fartglitter
hehe. The R does just go sometimes eh? Thanks so much lovely x
I think I might have vommed in my mouth a little at a few of those so thanks a lot :-). Brilliant list but you’ve got me wondering why we do it?
Thanks so much for linking up to #fartglitter x
What a good list! Parenting is quite the adventure, huh? 🙂
Haha, so much grimness it’s unreal. Dare I consider more and endure the grimness of pregnancy? (Obviously) #bestworst
yep! Haha maybe you should do a pregnancy one x
Loved it first time, so popping back again via #bestandworst Thank you for hosting xx
No worries! Thanks for popping back x
This is hilarious and I can relate to so much of it! #bestandworst
Thanks Emily x
I don’t particularly like pork and I’m still with you on BBQing Peppa! I hate that little brat. I feel so sorry for George, I dunno why they had a second child they’ve got no time for him it’s all about Peppa! Haha! #bestandworst
tehe Peppa does drive me mad and so true about George!! Poor lad x
Brilliantly done! You must’ve had a rotten day to have thought of some of those… Funny how the yuckiest things fit right into the harder letters 🙂 #bestandworst
Yep we are very tired at the moment. Poorly girl. Some really yucky stuff! x
Ahhh Henry is currently bouncing in his J for Jumperoo that yes, takes up half the living room. But thankfully blocks out P for Peppa Pig and keeps him entertained while I L, Link up with #bestandworst x
Renee @peonieandme x
Clever, clever! x
I try, haha x
Just nearly vomited in my mouth a bit reading the word sputum…Very apt and covers the joys of my daily ‘office’, too. #bestandworst
eeek sorry Anna! xx
This is an ace post. Made me lol. We’ve all had days like that. I have found many stinky lumpy milk bottles lying around under the furniture sometimes after I have spent days looking for the blasted thing. They are especially nice to come across in the height of summer 😉
Thanks for hosting bestandworst
The bottles are so grim eh? Thanks Janine x
Love this – so funny! #bestandworst
Thanks lovely x
Hahaha—great list! I could relate and laugh at everyone of them, well, except Peppa. I do like Peppa and her muddy puddles. #bestandworst
A true Peppa fan! x
Your idea of romance makes me chuckle! Thanks for trusting me to host #bestandworst with you x
Thing is it is true! lol x
this really had me going the other day. just cracked up reading it again!!
Aww thanks Melissa x
Great list it doesn’t get any better as they grow older either. Why am I about to start this all over again?
H is for homework a constant battle of wills to get them to do it
I is for iPad which they are glued too
S is for strangling something I’m constantly pointing out they shouldn’t try to do to each other.
In fact I should do a 7/8 year old version! #bestandworst xx
Lisa you need to do it!! Link it up x
Another fantastic. Post really made. Me laugh really liked. R that’s never happened in our house lol. Thanks for hosting #bestand worst X
haha love it Nigel! Thanks xx
great list. In my house W would be for Why? Why? Why? and F for food. I can’t believe how much this kid eats. There are plenty of farts also though, but I may be responsible for most of those
haha not got to the Whys yet! My hubby is responsible for a lot of farts too! x
Haaaa! Very funny. Oh dear, yes my T would be the same…timeouts for me are an absolute must! W for me would be for Wine. B for bob the builder. Ahh fun times!
W is for wine…another good one x
P.S. Thanks for hosting #bestandworst!!
No worries and thanks for linkuing x
This has cracked me up with it’s startling truth! Thanks for sharing (especially v!) #bestandworst
hehe cheers Laura x
Hahahaha! That’s brilliant a brilliant list m’dear, put it to music and you’ve got yourself the next big hit! ‘R’ made me laugh so much – are you saying you don’t get long leisurely dates, strolls along the beach hand in hand and endless romantic breaks away in 5* hotels??? Nope, me neither!xx
haha great idea! I know…no lovely dates anymore…sighs!!! x
This is great Sarah, really gave me a chuckle! As for the lumpy gross bottle, I think it would be heading for the bin lol 🙂 Thanks for hosting #bestandworst
haha I am close Debbie truely x
haha!! I love stuff like this!! I also love mine to bits, but feel like this most days!! C is for Can we abolish Mr Tumble to outer space, never to be seen again. S is for Soft play nightmares. I often tell my children they have all closed down for the day, just to avoid going AGAIN!!!
haha I love yours!! x
Haha. Very true. Toddler has recently discovered nose picking. #bestandworst
eurgh my girl does this too! x
S for Sarah here also 🙂 but the cheeky monkey loves to call
Me Sarah occasionally for shock value! Great list x #bestandworst
Haha I get called Sarah sometimes as well!! x
You had me at a is for arse!! Love it. Yoghurt is a food group here too. The main one… that’s ok isn’t it?! #bestandworst
haha I’m sure it is 🙂 x
Great post, I love all the examples too funny. We all love our kids more than anything but they definitely can drive us a little batty. Thanks for sharing #bestandworst
They so can bless them x
oh yes I love this, I will have to do a version one day! Classic. Had me laughing along, Q is funny and great, got to get it when we can lol, and yes what is with kids wanting to lick our faces? #bestandworst
Thanks lovely!! Do your version yes x
This is brilliant! I love it, made me chuckle. It’s funny and it’s all true 🙂 #AnythingGoes
Thanks so much 🙂 x
Bahahaha this is AWESOME! Oh I’m laughing so much at V – ha! Don’t you bbq Peppa though, I love her! Mim x #bestandworst
haha thanks Mim!! Can’t believe you love Peppa x
haha thanks Mim!! Can’t believe you love Peppa x
This is so true, it really made me laugh. All the things they never mention in the baby books otherwise who’d do this job. 🙂 Genius idea too.
Glad to hear it! x
Fab a – z, these children can be just grime can’t they! #bestandworst xx
Totally minging!! x
This made me giggle a little bit Yes I want to bbq Peppa too!! #bestandworst xx
hehe Glad I’m not the only one! x
Ha ha this made me chuckle. I can identify!! Becky x #bestandworst
🙂 Glad to hear it x
love this, it’s so true!