I happen to think I’m a very intuitive person. I believe in gut feelings, bad feelings, you name it and I know deep down for the last week or so, I knew I was going to get Covid again. Especially with talk of the new variant. It was starting to feel like December 2020 all over again. I cancelled group plans like many of us; I didn’t go to my Christmas work do and a last minute friend get together was canned until the new year. However, I continued to live my life. I went to the gym, town, work and did see my best friends. There has been a part of me that has had that mentality over the last 12 months, since I last had Covid. I want to live and enjoy myself. I thrive with others and love my friends far too much to hide away.
But I always knew that eventually it could be my downfall and had literally said to my Mum last week, I knew I would get Covid again, it was just a matter of when. She called me a rebel and we laughed but I was right.
Starting to Feel Ill
My little man we believe could have actually been the culprit this time, not me. However we are not too sure, as testing him is pretty impossible! My Mum told me he feel asleep on the sofa at my Nan’s last Friday. He was tired and snotty but we didn’t think much of it, as felt he had a permanent runny nose since September.
However, as I was finishing up my day on Sunday, a day where I had seen my family and a couple of friends outdoors at a carol concert, I felt my throat feeling sore. I tried not to fret and ignore it but I was worried. I barely slept and woke early to do a lateral flow. I didn’t feel well but it came back negative. This was the Monday. I was reassured, as last time I had Covid the process was similar. I went to bed with a sore throat and woke with a temperature and a positive lateral flow.
I reassured myself my little man had a virus and I’d picked it up. I nipped to town but when I think back felt odd. Weird, almost paranoid. I wore my mask the whole time but I was so uneasy and anxious and now I know, the symptoms of a virus – Covid. We tried to lateral flow my little man and I did manage it. His was negative too despite him being very snotty and sleepy.
I popped to see a friend with a birthday present. I stayed for a while, had a drink. My middle daughter played with hers. We hugged goodbye. I was negative right?
A Positive Lateral Flow
The next morning I woke still feeling off. Sore throat, headachy and nausea. I lay for a while and knew I needed to get up and I’d feel better and I did. A cuppa and some food helped. The same friend I saw the night before was going to drop some Vitamin C off but we decided to meet for a walk with our girls in the woods. Another Mum would join us too. I decided to lateral flow again just to check. I got dressed, even put my hat on! Fifteen minutes passed and the lateral was still negative. I was almost walking out of the door and I picked the test up to see a faint positive.
My heart literally sank and I started shaking. I’d got Covid again. I’d got it before Christmas. I was going to be isolating for Christmas. I wasn’t going to see my family. I text my friend who I was supposed to meet, who I’d seen the day before, in a blind panic, apologising but what could I do? I’d been talking to a friend on Instagram and told him too!
There were people I couldn’t even bring myself to tell at first. My Mum. My husband didn’t want to tell his Mum either.
People messaged me and said what if your PCR is negative though? But I knew.
My husband initially was angry and upset, as potentially could be another year without him seeing his family. However, it was a knee jerk reaction and he knew it was more likely to have been the little man bringing in. Regardless of where it came from, it sucked.
I booked a PCR and am still awaiting the result but today (Wednesday) I decided to check again on a lateral flow. I was blown away. Thirty seconds after I poured the reagent onto the test the line was coming. Within 3 MINUTES it was dark and positive, proudly telling the world I have Covid. The PCR result is a waste of time. It will only tell me what I already know.
The Guilt
The guilt was the next thing the engulfed me. I know there is nothing I could have done. I’d tested and my laterals had not behaved in the same way this time. I didn’t get a positive until the Tuesday and I’d started feeling unwell on the Sunday evening. Even then the line was faint.
I couldn’t go and see my family at Christmas. My husband may not be seeing his.
I’d seen friends over the weekend.
I’d seen family over the weekend.
I’d seen a friend when I was totally positive.
It was awful and still is. My mind has gone over it a million times. I’ve been reassured by many a good few times but you can’t convince an over thinker.
I wasn’t too bad yesterday but had a bad day today. Lots of tears and sadness. I know me though. I’d get over it. It always just takes a little time.
What Next?
Covid a 2nd time around is different. I feel now like I have a cold. My throat is still sore. I’m tired and I don’t feel 100% well but the temperature, headache and virally feeling from the first time isn’t there. I’m hoping I will feel a little more like myself by Christmas Day. Now it is just about making the kids happy and giving them a lovely day. My little man is still extremely snotty and tired but has been better in himself today.
My husband is still negative, so we are praying he avoids. My girls have no symptoms but if they decide to visit anyone after Christmas, we will need to test them.
I feel I have learnt from this experience. I’m not sure what variant I have been you cannot trust the lateral flows. I wished I’d tested Monday night, as may have had a faint positive then. It seems you test literally just before you see anyone, not hours before. All I know is I felt ill for over a day and was testing negative. I should have booked a PCR immediately, even though my symptoms were not classic. I just had a sore throat. I’ve received messages from people saying similar things or that they were feeling unwell but negative laterals. It is so hard to know.
For now, I am resting up. Writing this! Sitting in bed with my little man, as he rests up too.
Christmas will be different I know but I don’t feel angry or like it is unfair. It’s what it is and we will totally make the best of it. So many are in the same boat. I have my little gang and that’s ok. There is time for my family and friends and I feel so grateful I have had a good few months in the run up to Christmas, where so many plans and get togethers went ahead!!!
All I would say is if you have a cold, get a PCR. Covid for the second time is not like the first. I’ll stop feeling guilty eventually but it’s rough.
I hope everyone reading this stays well and safe and has a lovely Christmas, whatever happens!
