I’ll admit it. I’m a shouty Mum. Only now and then but you know what Mums out there? If you are too, DON’T feel guilty. It is needed sometimes.
I see a lot of posts in some of my Mum support groups about terrible guilt when they feel they have had a shouty day. I really feel for the ladies. Don’t get get me wrong I feel horrible too. Watching my little girl’s face and often the shame or embarrassment she has when she knows she has done something wrong. Even worse are the floods of tears, which depending on her mood, can last for a loooong time.
Despite this, I still think a good telling off is what is needed for my eldest daughter sometimes. I don’t mean be a shouty Mum everyday of the week but when my daughter is going through a phase of new bad behaviour, it is totally warranted. The behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets out of hand.
I feel too often we are bombarded with a lot of information on social media that suggests the soft approach is best; shouting doesn’t work; it is too upsetting; it will affect them blah blah. I simply don’t agree with this all the time.
Although I am a sample size of 1, I had complete and utter respect for my Mum from a very early age and my Nan? The respect was even greater. This came from being put in my place from a very young age and now and then getting shouted at. It worked. I wasn’t scarred or afraid. I just knew my boundaries. I think I swore directly at my Mum once in my teens and trust me, I never did it again.
My eldest started with a horrible behaviour not long after Piglet was born. She would either completely ignore us or scream “No” in our faces when asked to do something. ANYTHING. Of course we gave her the benefit of the change of a new sibling for a little while. It’s a massive change having and of course we expected some changes in her behaviour. We kept calm with her, spoke calmly and didn’t yell, as we didn’t want to upset her too soon.
Until one night.
I’m a Shouty Mum
After she kicked a load of mats from one of our tables, refused to go up for her bath or to put the mats back, I calmly put Piglet down on the sofa and half carried her upstairs to give her one of the biggest nailings of her life.
I hated doing it. I told her we were so disappointed and her behaviour was completed unacceptable. I shouted. I shouted HARD. She was shocked and she didn’t expect it. I rarely lose it. She was upset; she cried and we of course, made up and were sorted before she fell asleep.
But do you know what? Her behaviour changed immediately. She even stopped herself mid yell at me on another day and said sorry, as she just knew.
I know this will not work for all kids. My eldest is quite sensitive at times, she is keen to please and be loved. For me it did work and that shouting was warranted.
So if your kid is being a complete nightmare and you do have a shouty day, don’t worry. We all have them and sometimes they just need to learn. The gremlin obviously did remember her telling off, as her behaviour did change and she knows I rarely shout.
I was a shouty Mum and I’d do it again.
What do you think?
I think that every family is different, all parents are different and all children are different and we parent our children as best we can on the basis of the people we are, the people they are, and the way we were parented ourselves. I can be a shouty mum too and although I try to focus more on softer methods of discipline – descriptive praise, encouragement etc. – there are times when (a) it doesn’t seem to be working or (b) I just run out of patience. I think my experience of being parented sounds quite similar to yours – my mum didn’t often shout but my goodness when she did! I think I also swore at her once and never did it again. I have a fantastic bond with my mum and I had a wonderful childhood so it didn’t do me any harm and my siblings seem to be doing okay too! So far my girls seem to be happy, (mostly) well behaved and polite so fingers crossed this method is working ok for them too! #WotW
Yep, I shout. I, too, use encouragement, praise, naughty step, gentle explanations and expectations, but I also shout at times! Oftentimes it’s warranted and they know it, though sometimes I do stop and reflect and recognise that it may have been my own overreaction or my own stress levels that made me shouty, and when that happens, I always apologise to my children. I think they do need boundaries, and as long as the shouts and boundaries are surrounded by plenty of love and attention, it works. Thanks for sharing with #WotW
I think that sometimes when all else fails a shout is all that will have an effect. I try not to do it but sometimes it is warranted. I shouted at 2 of my kids this week and they totally deserved it and to be fair to them they knew it and have apologised for their behaviour. #wotw
oh that photo of Gremlin and Piglet together is so adorable, you’d think butter wouldn’t melt. But of course you know better. I do feel guilty if I shout at my kids but I don’t shout very often so when I do, it really works. I know another mum who shouts all the time at her kids, I mean ALL THE TIME, she never asks them to do anything, she yells at them, even if it’s to go and eat their dinner. Now she has a 12 year old she just can’t control. Her shouting has no effect and his behaviour is horrendous. So, in my opinion, shouting is fine, so long as you don’t do it all the time. I’m sure you know that already though x
Kids, however old they are, need boundaries. There are lines which if they cross.. well okay.. but then I have a second set of lines which they know they do not cross. I’ve recently had cause to give my almost 10yo one of the biggest tellings off she ever had. I didn’t like it but sometimes you have to do it. On the other side of the coin if I shout because basically I feel grumpy/tired/had enough I do apologize to the kids if it wasn’t warranted 🙂
I am a shouty mam too when it is needed….Sometimes children need a telling off. I don’t feel bad for it because when I shout it is deserved.
A little shouting is definitely needed at times. I too was shouted at as a child and it helped me know my boundaries. It’s all a little too softly softly these days I think!
Every kid is different. Some react differently to different stimuli. You can, of course, be too soft, but I hate it when I say a parent loose it totally with their kids in the street. You never know what kind of day they have had but no good can come from completely loosing it.
I’m a shouty dad a lot we all have our different ways of parenting this is great I never feel guilty about it it’s just he way it is fab post sarah x Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please
I couldn’t believe anybody who said they never shouted at their kids. Not all bad things that they do are going to be equal, so our responses can’t be equal.This morning my daughter wrote all over her fingers in marker to make them pretty. Her hands are a mess. If she had chosen the wall instead, there would have been some shouting! #thatfridaylinky