I am 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I am getting big now. I have a baby boy who I feel, never stops moving and yet I don’t think it is actually sunk it I’m having another baby. Another child. Another member of the family! I’m in denial about baby number 3
Denial About Baby Number 3
It’s Christmas in a few days and after that they countdown is really on. I’m due to finish work at the end of January and have an appointment with the consultant to discuss final plans after all the issues with the cord. I don’t think this is really a reality in my head. I am going to have a THIRD child. People ask me if I will manage work until end of January/early Feb and I say yes but some days I’m not sure and then other days I feel I forget I’m pregnant.
I have to give birth again, which in the past has been an ok experience but I have totally forgotten how painful it is. How intense and how potentially quick it could be this time. This is all going to hit me like a tonne of bricks. I was chatting to my Mum and thinking back to all the after effects of birth; those first few days. The bleeding, my milk coming in, hormones changes, the tiredness, the crying. This just feel like a distant memory since having little Piglet BUT these things are all on their way again. I know I will cope and manage but it doesn’t seem real.
I’m blaming these feelings on this being my third baby. Life is so hectic with the girls and I am constantly getting told by friends and family to slow down but it does feel impossible. You feel you should carry on and want to be the same Mum for your children. I love to chill and rest but don’t really want the girls watching Grey’s Anatomy all snuggled up! I’ll feel my little man wriggle and kick and sometimes this is pretty constant, day and night and even this isn’t feeling like a reality. His movements have become just part of everyday life and normality and it is like I have forgotten he will be coming out at some point. This seems crazy. Sometimes I worry about our bond but I feel I struggle because I am just so busy. I haven’t time to breathe, let alone sit and chat to him, as he wriggles.
I do feel pretty scared some days at the thought of having a third child and then other days I feel like it will be fine. We are already in chaos most of the time, so one more won’t make a difference. This is what I have been told too and I think slightly some wishful thinking.
I think my lack of organisation is the biggest thing. We haven’t bought a car yet. Little Man has some vests and grows but no clothes! As soon as the Christmas decorations come down, we will be looking at our baby gear and seeing what we need. I feel laid back and not worried but I know I wasn’t as much so with the girls! There is that little niggle in the back of my mind; what if he comes early? Well I’ll be stuffed, I’ll tell you that now! Lots to do.
I’m thinking that when I stop work and am on my own more the reality will set in more. If all goes to plan with when he comes, I will have 4 weeks to get sorted and hopefully the girls will manage nursery and school to give me time.
Or should I say I’m hoping.
I’m sure I will start to actually believe I’m having another baby!!