I had a bit of a meltdown this week. Well maybe a couple. Life has been feeling really hectic recently. Work days are long with a horrible commute, door to door some days taking 90 minutes. The gremlin is getting more school work; spellings and homework, plus reading. I’m the main one who does all this with her but we have convinced her to do a little more with her Dad. We had a lovely party for Piglet at the weekend but was tiring and messy and hard to get straightened out after. The blog is steady but I have a few deadlines in the next week and work gets in the way a lot! Piglet isn’t napping unless in the buggy and for no more than 45 minutes and I know naps drop but when you use the time to work, that time is precious.
The list is endless. It’s big and it’s worrying and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. I haven’t even thought about the garage to office conversion we are planning or the massive amount of sorting and decluttering we are hoping do soon in preparation for Christmas and a new baby!!
I’ll admit I’m currently feeling really scared and nervous and the little baby boy that’s growing inside me. REALLY nervous. These thoughts, lurking around in the back of my head make me feel really guilty. Even ashamed, as I fell pregnant with this little one so quickly and almost unexpectedly. I should be grateful. I am grateful. Some days, when I am rushing around sorting Piglet out or taking the gremlin swimming, I forget I’m even pregnant! It’s only when that tell tale stitch comes over me, as I pound the streets or I notice my swelling reflection, do I remember.
I’m scared I won’t manage with three and be able to fully commit myself to all of them. The gremlin needs a lot and as Piglet grows, she will be the same. I’m massively scared I won’t manage going back to work three days a week and I know I can’t drop anymore days. The thought of three in childcare and school and all that comes with it is a little overwhelming. I know I have options but those scary thoughts are being pushed to the back of my mind at the moment.
A little newborn needs you a lot. Feeding, cuddles and can be a little drain on your sleep of course! Will I survive?
I know people do it. People work full time and cope with two or more kids. I know like everything it will take time to get into the swing of a new routine and a new change but I’m nervous and apprehensive.
I know I’ll have help and support. That goes without saying but what if I can’t cope? I don’t want to be snappy and cross and stressed. I know we all are at times. We are tired and we are human but I don’t want to be like that all the time.
I’m not sure where this post is going. It’s a bit of a mind dump. Perhaps a little cathartic but I’m hoping if any parents of three are reading this, they can chivvy me along, reassure me I’ll get there in the end. I know everyone does.
We have to! We’re parents.