Do You Judge Other Parents Secretly?

judge other parents

Judging other parents. Are you guilty of it? Are you guilty of making that snap judgment when you spot another parent’s behaviour, their child’s behaviour. Their food choices, discipline choices, clothes choices.  Do you judge other parents?

I know I am guilty of it.

I was in Tesco at he beginning of the week playing with my phone as usual, and watched the lady ahead of me put jars and jars of baby food through the till. Not just a couple; possibly for eating out or to have a few in the cupboard in case of an emergency. A lot, enough to be feeding their baby all their meals from jars.

judge other parents

My initial thoughts to this? Not good and not any I am proud of.

I Did Judge Other Parents

Why on earth is she buying those awful things? Why not make lovely home made meals from scratch? I did. I’ve tasted those concoctions. They are vile.

Literally a split second later I was reprimanding myself. What had I just done? Judged and not very nicely. I’ve read so many blog posts, articles, memes and even written posts myself about the pressure and judgement when being a parent. Breast vs bottle. Co-sleep vs. cot. Baby wear or not? The list is endless. The camps are divided. The judgement and guilt can be overwhelming.

Yet I’m a guilty as anyone else. I made a snap judgement. I don’t know this lady or her circumstances.

That mum’s child may hate home cooked food.

They may be going on a holiday, needing to take pre-packed weaning food, just like I did 2 years ago.

She may be a mum who can’t be arsed to cook. She may have 5 others kids at school and just no time. So what? It’s her prerogative.

The thing is that thought sprung into my mind before I could even stop myself. Is that bad? Or is it ok as I kept my thoughts to myself? I know there will be people out there where that thought will have never entered their head. I’m jealous and wish I could shut down that self righteous side of my mind. It is just so hard! I was a  breast feeder and have to admit when I hear people even adamant to try it, as find it disgusting, it niggles me.

Why? I’m passionate and it worked for us? I am too judgmental? I’m not sure.

I doesn’t make me feel very kind. Very supportive of other parents but it was a quick thought and I couldn’t help it!

What’s the point of this post really? To probably make sense of my thoughts and see what others do. I’m going to try to stop the snap thoughts that come into my mind. On the other side of the coin, perhaps the fear of being judged by others contributes to my mindset. Perhaps stopping caring what others think will help.

I’d never write about my thoughts or ever verbalise a judgement but I guess that’s not the point.

Not having that thought in the first place would be the biggest achievement

What about you? Do you judge other parents even if secretly?

 

 

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46 Comments

  1. March 18, 2016 / 6:52 am

    Well I think you are being incredibly honest and the reality is that none of us are saints and we do all judge from time to time though probably about different things. I also think that if we can recognise that we may be wrong in our judgement then we aren’t terrible people for it. I feel a bit bad saying it too as don’t want to some across as patronising but I do feel a bit less judgemental after having a second baba as having more than one child really hammers home the point that all kids are different and just because something works for one does not mean it will work for another. For me baby food doesn’t bother me and like you I would probably wonder why someone wouldn’t even want to try breastfeeding…. But actually I judge a bit more when I see babies and kids in expensive designer clothes as it seems such a complete waste of money to me…. When really it is none of my business and totally up to parents how much they spend on their kids clothes! I think we can’t help but compare ourselves to others but it doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves that it is each to their own! Really thought provoking post, sorry for the rambling comment! Xx

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 18, 2016 / 8:48 am

      Thanks Caroline. I think maybe with another I will be more chilled as I bet it is all done differently to have a quiet life!! Great comment, as I think you make some really valid points – it is to each their own!! I just need to stop myself x

  2. March 18, 2016 / 6:53 am

    Probably to a degree I expect we all are!! Although I do try to keep an open mind!! #binkylinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 18, 2016 / 8:46 am

      Same here hun but it is hard x

  3. March 18, 2016 / 8:05 am

    I don’t think I am but probably to a degree we all are. A colleague at work made me laugh saying she judges people by the contents of their recycling tubs as she walks into work. I guess to a degree it’s just human nature. #binkylinky lifeinthemumslane

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 18, 2016 / 8:46 am

      tehe I think I do that too if loads of booze! Oh help me x

  4. March 18, 2016 / 9:24 am

    I’m sure we’ve all had those “silent judgement” thoughts in our heads whether we want to admit it or not. We’re just human. But being able to reprimand oneself and correct those thoughts just proves that we are not bad people either 😉 #wotw

  5. Rach
    March 18, 2016 / 11:09 am

    Interesting post and I think it’s great that you wrote about this so candidly. I think we’re all a little guilty of silently judging to a certain degree. Like you though, I soon reprimand myself. #binkylinky

  6. March 18, 2016 / 12:28 pm

    I’m not sure it’s a totally bad thing. It would be if you decided to take it up with her, but in your head, it is OK. If we never saw what other people do, we would never question the way we do something. We may never develop and strengthen our own ideas and principles. If she had had a conveyor belt full of fresh veg and a book on baby recipes, would it have been wrong for you to think that it was a good idea. Still judging. She may have had an ingredient that you had never thought to use. Now she is inspiring. #WotW

  7. March 18, 2016 / 12:45 pm

    I have thoughts like this too, but like you never verbalise it. It can feel judgemental at times, but I think it can be healthy too, as it means we are questioning our own parental ethics and beliefs, as long as we are not projecting them onto others. We need to make sure we remember we all parent differently, there is no right or wrong.
    #WoTW

  8. Something Crunchy Mummy
    March 18, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    I have to admit I too am a silent judgers and I’m not proud of it but I think that we all do. #binkylinky xx

  9. March 18, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    I admit I silently judge people…..I do often think badly of someone then say to myself they could be doing it for this or that reason….It is hard not to judge even for a split second x

  10. March 18, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    I think we all have a whole host of thoughts in our head, sometimes just snap ideas that we then argue ourselves out of, sometimes real opinions. We need them as they help us make our own decisions, and as long as we don’t inflict them on others, I think that’s OK x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:55 pm

      Thanks lots. I agree. I just need to try and stop those thoughts coming. Thanks for hosting x

  11. March 18, 2016 / 2:39 pm

    I would notice some things and make this whole conversation in my head on how I wont do this and that and like you only to realized again that parenthood or life in general is hard. Its a learning process! #wotw

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:56 pm

      So very true and it never ends x

  12. Nadine (@caringchaos)
    March 18, 2016 / 3:46 pm

    We all silently judge – but its great you caught yourself, as you say you didn’t know her circumstances. I think this blogging world does help open our eyes as to why people may choose different things to us. A thoughtful post x #Binkylinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:55 pm

      That’s a great point and thanks x

  13. March 18, 2016 / 5:11 pm

    I love your honesty and at one point I would probably have thought the same. Then I had four kids, 3 under 3 and those jars became a life saver on the days when I was too knackered and knee deep in nappies to cook up another pan of mashed up carrot that none of them would eat. I think we are all guilty of judging others, sometimes even subconsciously, but not all of us are honest enough to admit that. Great post! #binkylinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:54 pm

      I bet that was hard work hun! Wow. Thanks lots x

  14. Tink's Mum
    March 18, 2016 / 5:31 pm

    I’m a lot less judgey these days, or I try to be! I have to be honest, I would have had exactly the same thought as you had I seen that lady. And would quickly have chastised myself too. After all, I am the mother who buys baby fruit pots in relative bulk for my about-to-be-four-year-old as that’s the only kind of ‘fruit’ that she will eat. Having a child with additional needs really opens your eyes and has certainly made me think before I judge.

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:54 pm

      Glad it is not just me as I feel bad! I have the same issue with fruit. I bet it has, bless x

  15. March 18, 2016 / 11:21 pm

    I am going to admit to being that mum with the baby pouches. It would be very easy to set aside food from the evening before if we remembered to do it. #wotw

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:54 pm

      I know…and this is a good reason! x

  16. March 19, 2016 / 10:11 am

    Very honest post and one I completely agree with – I know I am a silent judger, but I really can’t help it, like you said I do it before I’ve thought about. I hate it because I don’t want people judging me! But it’s human nature I think and as long as you don’t act on it, it’s not hurting anyone. No-one is perfect! #justanotherlinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:53 pm

      Thanks Abi. It’s really hard and I think you are right; human nature x

  17. Mess and Merlot
    March 19, 2016 / 3:20 pm

    I’m constantly pulling myself up on judging people, in fact it was my New Years resolution to try to be less judgmental but to a certain extent we all do it subconsciously no matter how hard we try not to! My son hated my cooking (how rude?!) and devoured the shop bought baby food but I still get what you mean 🙂 #justanotherlinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:52 pm

      Thanks hun. This makes me feel better. I try but the thoughts just appear!! x

  18. March 19, 2016 / 9:14 pm

    1. I say well done being so honest.
    I think we ALL judge in our ways. Some are loud and some are silent. I think i’d say I am a silent judge lol.
    Thank you for linking up with #justanotherlinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:51 pm

      Thanks lots! Glad I’m not alone x

  19. March 20, 2016 / 11:11 am

    I would have thought the same as you! Which is totally hypocritical of me as I regularly let BB have a ‘treat’ on the school run as a bribe to get her down the hill. The treat is almost always chocolate, and she almost always eats it on the bus. I don’t care what people think! #sundaystars

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:51 pm

      Haha that is reassuring. I think it’s best not to care what people think! x

  20. Nige
    March 20, 2016 / 3:23 pm

    Brilliant post it’s very easy to judge but we all try not do thanks for linking to the Binkylinky

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      Thanks for hosting xx

  21. March 20, 2016 / 4:57 pm

    I think we’re all guilty of this but don’t feel bad, it’s not as if you actually said anything! You make a very good point that we should consider people’s circumstances before judging them though, we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      So true and thanks x

  22. March 20, 2016 / 6:43 pm

    Hi Sarah, don’t be too harsh on yourself, you didn’t openly judge her and we are all entitled to our own thoughts and feelings. I would have probably thought the same as you, even down to trying to justify why the lady might be buying ready made baby food.

    At the end of the day we are all entitled to our own opinions. just as long as they don’t hurt anyone else.

    xx

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 20, 2016 / 6:49 pm

      Thanks Debbie for your kind words! x

  23. March 21, 2016 / 12:22 am

    This is an amazingly honest post. I know that I always think things in my head, but I’m not sure that’s the same as judging. I may have an opinion about someone, but more often I just run thru a whole host of questions in my mind and then spend the rest of the day trying to fill them.. For example, I would probably ask myself who was she, why she has what she has in her trolley etc. But we all ask questions… xx #WoTW

  24. March 21, 2016 / 12:32 am

    I think it’s perfectly normal to snap to a quick judgement and that we all do it. The important thing here is to counter that view; something you clearly have done. I make quick judgements a lot, and have no idea why, but in those situations I tend to list the counter arguments in my head to make it a better thought. Try not to be to harsh on yourself though, it is really easy to do.

  25. March 21, 2016 / 2:37 am

    I absolutely LOVE the honesty in this post.
    I think everyone has been guilty of judgmental thoughts like yours before. I think it shows great character that you questioned yourself, and really examined what you were doing. Is judging really always bad though? Sure, you shouldn’t have said anything to the woman buying conventional baby food, but what about the mom putting her child’s carseat on top of the shopping cart? Something many parents do, completely unaware of how dangerous it is. Would it be judging if you though ‘Oh, I’d never put my child’s seat up there’ and then go to her and politely try and talk to her?
    I’m not really sure where I’m going with this comment haha, you just have the wheels in my head turning (: Great post!

  26. March 21, 2016 / 8:13 am

    Well done for your honesty x I do this too, way more often than I’d like. Don’t beat yourself up about it, everyone does is. There is a big difference between a fleeting thought and ACTUALLY approaching a mum and saying something. Light years apart.

    Just yesterday I saw a tiny toddler drinking from a bottle of coke (I kid you not!) I judged the hell out of that, and worse actually verbalised it with my friend. We all do it so don’t worry x

    #jusanotherlinky

  27. Something Crunchy Mummy
    March 23, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    Popping back from #justanotherlinky. Thanks for linking up xx

    • RunJumpScrap
      Author
      March 24, 2016 / 7:35 pm

      🙂 x

  28. March 24, 2016 / 11:12 pm

    If we’re being honest, I think we all are at some point. I remember being particularly bad in the days before we had kids. I would see a kid screaming in a supermarket and wonder what it was the parents were doing wrong. Of course, now I know differently, that there could be a million reasons why a good parent and a good child could just be caught in a bad moment. The old adage of not judging someone before you have walked a mile in their shoes is particularly apt when it comes to judging parents! #sundaystars

  29. March 24, 2016 / 11:47 pm

    I think we can all be a little guilty of it to be fair, you see a snap shot of someones life and automatically think you know the whole picture – similar i guess on the other hand to seeing a photo on Facebook and thinking everything’s perfect in their life! Not always the case Thanks for linking up to #sundaystars x