It’s funny. After having the little man I wrote a post entitled, ‘how do you know your are done with babies?’ I don’t think I’ll ever be done with being pregnant and actually HAVING the babies, however hard the pregnancies are in my crazy, unrealistic mind but then I think rationally!
I always find it so hard in those early post partum days. The emotions come in waves after birth. I’m exhausted, exhilarated, in love and crazily sad that I’m not pregnant! I miss the unit where I gave birth. Being cared for. My hubby nipping our for snacks whilst I snuggle with our newborn. It’s such a special time and although i remember being bent over double, hobbling to the loo after giving birth to the little man, I always look on these times so fondly.
But since he came along, our third and final baby, I know now I’m done. I know now I couldn’t do it all again.
I Know I’m Done with Babies
The memories of his birth are very fresh still and being in so much pain in labour and delivery, is not something I want to repeat. My third pregnancy was my hardest but I still always treasure being pregnant. However I know with three children, I couldn’t do it all again.
Having three children is completely crazy. I’m not going to lie. It’s loud. It’s messy! We are outnumbered and on somedays when all three need me for something, I actually feel like I’m going to lose my mind.
I no longer look at pregnant women wistfully and wonder what it would be like to have another. To feel those magical baby kicks again. To get excited, go for scans and guess the sex. All I see now is morning sickness, tiredness, no rest with my other kids and having to get back into shape for the fourth time!
I see my middle child asking to someone else to hold the baby so she can have me or her nanny and I feel for her. I explain to my eldest that this summer, it won’t be the same Mummy-Daughter days as her little brother will be tagging along too. She’s ok with it but it’s not the same. They have to share me.
I forget things. Birthday cards and presents. I know I don’t do as much school work and reading with my eldest with the three of them now. The juggling act is very real! I know I couldn’t take on another.
When one of them is ill it is likely we all will be. One of them is likely to wake us up during the night or early. More kids, more chance it will happen.
You can see a pattern. You can see my train of thoughts.
I was told I would know when I was done with children and yes I know. I feel complete and I feel done.
Deciding to Have No More Children
This post was written a little while ago, when my little man was small and thankfully my broodiness has still never reappeared.
I saw a friend recently with a new baby and although he was beautiful and we had a lovely cuddle, I felt nothing. Those maternal, broody instincts didn’t kick in at all. I was surprised but this was a pleasant one.
My husband is firmly on the same wavelength as me too, thankfully! He called the GP and asked for a referral for a vasectomy last year. With Covid, he is still waiting for that to come through but hopefully it won’t be much longer to wait for him.
We both can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My little man is now two years old and so independent. I know we still have potty training to come but he plays with his sisters, plays alone and after a short spell of tantrums, has settled down a little. He’s a typical two year old but nothing we can’t handle now.
Three really is the magic number for us and although I loved being pregnant, that time of my life is over now. Writing that is quite sad but when you know, you just know!