When we were locked down officially 10 weeks ago, I couldn’t imagine how I would get through 10 weeks of it. Not seeing family and friends, no school and childcare. 24/7 with my three kids and going back to my job after maternity leave, during a pandemic. You couldn’t really make it up. But 10 weeks of lockdown and I’m tired!!
After getting over the initial panic and anxiety before the lockdown was announced, we all got into some sort of routine and it has been ok. Home-schooling, getting out for our daily walks, probably a bit too much screen time and the girls spending lots of time playing together. We have been in a bit of a bubble but yet I’m thankful now for my return to work, as brings some normality to my days and also helps me to overcome any fear about leaving the house.
I know relatively, we have been lucky too. I’ve gone back to work as a keyworker, my husband has managed with working and looking after the children, whilst I’ve worked but with a lot of juggling on is part. It’s certainly not been easy at times and there have been many days when I have literally been desperate for some time to myself, a few hours with my husband and to escape the constant cries of “Mummy!!” I’ve enjoyed the slower paced mornings. My husband has had to start work very early but we have had no nursery and school drop offs. I’ve fit in exercise every other day or so and this has been relaxed.
BUT.
Lockdown and I’m Tired
10 weeks is 10 weeks. 10 weeks is a long time and I am tired! Not in the sense of I’ve had enough but physically done in. I do, in some ways, count myself lucky. There are pros and cons to having very young children at home. For example, if all my kids were in school and I’d got used to a lot of time to myself; been able to work, craft or clean, 10 weeks of having them at home constantly would be a huge shock to the system. That time has just disappeared in a flash! I was used to having the little man with me and his older sister. I had never got used to that time to myself, thankfully.
However, when I see my fellow instagrammers sat reading in the sun, whilst their kids play or read too, I know this is just not my time for this freedom yet. My 15 month old never stops unless he is sleeping, eating, in the buggy or watching a bit of TV. This is not a lot either, as his attention is lost pretty quickly. He’s a baby. It’s normal but when my girls were this age, I would have more respite when I worked. They would have a different, stimulating environment at nursery 2-3 days a week and spend time with family perhaps at the weekend too.
I’ve never had my 15 month old babies at home with me 24/7 until this pandemic and these 10 weeks.
My kids are early risers and because of that, I am too. I often wake between 6-6.30 and sneak downstairs to try and get some breakfast alone, watch a sneaky bit of Eastenders and chill. However, I’ve often barely put the kettle on and my eldest is downstairs too, grabbing a hug which is lovely but so early. My day with them usually starts at the very latest at 7am but it’s usually before. There is no time alone. I see on social media kids sleeping in until 8am, 9am and even later and I know this will never happen! Part of me is pleased, as they have a great routine with sleep and going back to school and childcare should be a breeze but the other half of me is craving that alone time!
Bedtime has got harder too. Warm, light nights and the girls spending more time together; they are little mates. Little mates who some nights don’t want to sleep until 9pm. This can leave an hour for my hubby and I every night and leaving us irritable and fed up! And I think justified. All us parents have no shame in waiting for bedtime somedays and having just a few hours to ourselves. This has got less and less for us over lockdown.
I know we are busy too. I haven’t worn my Fitbit through lockdown but wished I had. With a very bouncy 15 month old I’m aware I don’t sit still. I may get punched for my brutal, annoying honesty but lockdown weight gain? Just not possible! Add in a 30 minute workout some days, an hour or so walk with the kids, bouncing on the trampoline… by 4pm I’m desperate to sit down and shove the telly on for the kids.
The mess in the house is immense! I’m sure, like me, you are not used to providing 3 meals a day, 7 days a week for your kids!! A gross 15 month old, combined with meal preparation 3 times a day, plus toys and clothes everywhere (EVERYWHERE), stationary and school work all over the dining room, yes, my house is quite often TRASHED! I feel like a blue-arsed fly somedays trying to keep on top of it! Don’t get me started on the garden during this good weather!
I’ve had issues with my sleep in the past but it’s like I am pregnant right now, where I slept very well. Head hits the pillow and unless the kids wake us, I’d sleep through! I know I could sleep for longer if allowed too.
I know I’m tired. I know I’m desperate for a break. I know we have to do what we have to do and keep going. I know there isn’t a lot of point to this post, apart from a little moan and if you are feeling the same, I hear you!
I know things are starting to change. Schools are opening and childcare is opening. We are in the camp who will be sending our little ones back at some point in June and I know things will change a little. Part of me has loved the extra time with my kids, as time is precious but the other half of me is screaming for more than the odd hour to myself.
How about you? How are you doing?
