Gender Disappointment isn’t something many men talk about but it is an issue, as I found out.
I quite often let my hubby loose on my blog and it is just almost a year since we found out our little Piglet was a girl, after going for a private gender scan. I didn’t realise until recently my husband’s feeling at this time but he kindly agreed to post for me. I’m hoping others may relate.
Over to my hubby:
Gender Disappointment in Men – it is a Thing
In the world of mummy blogging, there are phrases that describes situations that are “a thing”, many of which I am still learning, generally due to my wife’s voice box being a constant stream of consciousness!!
“Gender disappointment” is apparently a thing, and the name sounds absolutely horrendous, but it is a thing nonetheless.
I’ve been gently coaxed to write my gender disappointment “story” for close to a year now, and I’ve finally caved. The thing is though, I’d like to turn this into something much more profound (for me).
When Sarah said she was pregnant for the second time, I couldn’t help visualise the future. A flight of fancy as to what things will be like, part of which was gender. We already had a girl, so you can imagine my thoughts.
After going for a private gender scan, the visions akin to the YouTube video above were not to be. We went to Ikea without the gremlin and as we sat down in the cafe I had some time to reflect, with a stunningly cheap cinnamon roll and coffee.
My version of Henry VIII’s proud birth announcement of “I have a son!” was not going to happen.
I’m generally a strong believer of if you picture it, you can make it happen but this is not always the case when trying for a particular sex when having baby!! Nature isn’t that easy to mess with is it? So this was a big thing for me. Wowsers. Another girl. I didn’t bank on that.
But why was I feeling annoyed and irritated? Quite honestly I was gutted to not be having a boy. Am I the male gender-reveal version of a bridezilla? No, because I hid it very well. Sarah didn’t pick up on it, and I’d never kill her high of the joy of getting a second girl. She was buzzing! So why was I not?
After about ten minutes I had actually realised quite a few things. Why did I want a son? Ultimately because I wanted to have someone to follow in my footsteps; to have a protege. Oooh shit, can I admit that?
This thinking is bad thinking, for a number of reasons.
1) How much do you want your child to be like you?
2) How much do you want to control what path your child takes in life?
3) Why should gender be a thing here?
I’m a nerd and proud of it! I’m full on into building stuff, electronics, gadgets AND I work in IT. I love to learn and always want to know exactly how something works!
I want my children to be just like that and have a deep understanding of things, which will always land them in good stead. But for some ridiculous reason a thought it only applied to the less-fairer sex. I was being massively sexist, something I couldn’t bear to happen to my girls as they take their path in life. On a scale of one to ten on wrongness, I was an eleven and it was time to seriously correct my thinking.
Of course I will expose my girls to the nerdy things in life. I will certainly make sure they don’t let any gender-bias thinking slow them down. If my girls want to dress entirely in pink and tutus they will, conversely if they want an engineers boiler suit, then they’ll bloody well have those too. If they don’t care too hoots for my interests, that won’t bother me either. I’ll let them follow their own path; something where gender makes not a scrap of difference.
You can’t have children for them to be just like you. Gender shouldn’t and won’t make a difference to their niche in life and it’s our role as a parent to make sure that it doesn’t.
I love my girls. I’m a father of girls and I wouldn’t change for the world; well I may regret saying this when they hit their teens!!!